It’s Never Too Late to Start

Why You Must Never Stop Learning, Growing, or Getting on the Mat

One of my all-time favorite martial artists isn’t someone you’ll find on YouTube. He didn’t win championships. He didn’t teach seminars. And most of the world doesn’t even know his name.

But I do.

His name is Stephen Notari.​

And he walked into Grandmaster Bong Soo Han’s dojang at the ripe age of 65. No background in sports. No fighting experience. Just an old man with a strong voice and a certain fire in his eyes who wanted to train.

Most people would have laughed. Or talked themselves out of it. "Too old," they’d say. "Too late to start." Not Stephen.

He showed up. Again and again. Week after week. Year after year.

He trained so hard and so consistently that when it came time for his black belt exam, he didn’t just try the hard stuff—he did it. Even the dreaded high breakfall test.

Picture this: you're standing in front of a 3-foot-tall heavy punching bag. You’ve got to take a few steps, jump over it, and land flat on your side without injury.

Now imagine doing that twice—then doing it twice again on the other side.

And imagine doing it at 70 years old.

A lot guys in their 30s and 40s struggled with that part of the test. Notari? He just kept practicing.

He asked for my help and we worked together every week for nearly two years, gradually raising the bar—literally.

On crash pads at first. Then on the mat. Then jumping over the obstacles. Until the day came in 2004 when he stood before GM Han and our senior instructors and did the breakfall jump clean. Twice. On each side

That’s when I understood something deep:

That’s what Notari taught me.

And now, nearly 60 years old myself, still training in BJJ, I remember him often. Wondering if he’s still around. If he is, he’d be 90 today.

Mantra for Life: Grow or Die

1. The Real Meaning of Training

Let’s clear something up: martial arts isn’t about beating people up.

That’s the shallow view. The movie version.

The real meaning of martial arts? It’s training your body, your mind, and your spirit to handle life.

That means learning how to take a hit. How to fall and get back up. How to breathe when things get hard. How to grow—even when it’s uncomfortable.

Stephen Notari never became a cage fighter. But he did become a man who could face fear and discomfort without backing down.

That’s what the mat gives you.

And you don’t need to start at 6 years old to get that. You can be 16, 36, 60, or 70. If you can breathe, you can train. And if you can train, you can grow.

2. Never Too Old, Never Too Late

Our culture worships youth. People think if you haven’t made it by 25, you're done. That’s complete garbage.

Most guys waste their 20s chasing validation. They don’t know who they are. They don’t know what they want. And they’re afraid of looking stupid, so they don’t try anything new.

But that fear? It’s the exact reason they need to train.

It’s not about becoming a fighter. It’s about becoming someone who can learn again. Who can be humble. Who can take failure and still show up the next day.

Guys like Notari prove something powerful: it’s never too late to become who you could’ve been.

3. Why Young Men Need the Mat

You don’t need to want to be a black belt.

You need to want to be better.

Here’s why the mat is the best place for young men today:

• No lies: You can’t fake a roll. You either survive, escape, or tap.
• No shortcuts: Strength, timing, technique—those only come with effort.
• No pretending: On the mat, everyone sees the truth.

Young men today are overwhelmed by screens, fake status, and endless distractions. But on the mat, none of that matters. No one cares how many followers you have. They care about your attitude, your effort, and your heart.

That’s why training is medicine. It gives you back your focus, your strength, your spirit.

It gives you you.

4. Growth Is a Decision

Notari made a decision.

He didn’t say, “I want to be great.”

He said, “I want to try.”

And he kept showing up.

Growth isn’t a talent. It’s not for the gifted. It’s not about luck or youth or timing.

Growth is a decision. And you can make it every single day.

• You can learn something new.
• You can fail at it.
• You can come back tomorrow and do it better.

That’s what Notari did.

That’s what I do now in BJJ.

That’s what you can do—whether you're on the mat, at your job, in your relationships, or building a life that actually feels like yours.

5. Why You Must Never Stop Learning

The moment you stop learning, you start dying.

Seriously.

Most people mentally retire in their 30s. They stop reading. Stop training. Stop trying.

And that’s when life starts to feel like a trap instead of a quest.

If you want to live a great life—one full of purpose, connection, and power—you need to keep learning.

• Read books.
• Learn new skills.
• Train your body.
• Reflect on your mistakes.
• Ask for help.

Life doesn’t reward people who “know it all.” Life rewards people who stay humble enough to keep growing.

That’s what makes you a warrior. Not your muscles. Not your belt color.

But your mindset.

6. Sucking Less > Being the Best

I don’t train now because I want to be the best.

I train because I want to suck less than I did yesterday.

That’s it.

And that’s enough.

If you’re always trying to “win,” you’ll eventually burn out or quit when things get hard.

But if your only goal is to grow a little bit each day, you’ll last a lifetime.

You’ll build a quiet kind of strength that most people will never understand.

And you’ll become the kind of man that others can count on—because you can count on yourself.

Putting It On the Mat

When I started BJJ at age 58, I wasn’t trying to prove anything.

I wasn’t looking for status. Or attention. Or validation.

I just missed the mat.

After Grandmaster Han passed and our dojang closed, I floated for a while. Dabbled in a few things. Fenced for a bit. Practiced some tai chi. But nothing really stuck.

Then one day, I walked into Meraki BJJ.

I was the oldest guy in the noon class. (finding out later there was a 65yo purple belt in the evening classes!)

Didn’t matter.

I bowed in. Put on the white belt. Started learning all over again.

That’s when I started thinking about Notari.

He was 65 when he started. I was 58. He trained for years. So could I.

He wasn’t flashy. He was consistent. That’s what I wanted too.

And every time I get smashed by a younger, stronger, faster guy, I remember: I’m not trying to beat anyone. I’m trying to grow.

That’s what makes training sacred.

It’s a mirror.

It shows you your ego. Your fears. Your habits. Your excuses.

And if you stay with it long enough, it shows you your power.

I don’t know if Stephen Notari is still around. He’d be 95 today. But I think about him all the time.

When I take someone’s back. When I shrimp out of mount. When I breathe through the pressure.

Not because I’m winning.

But because I’m still learning. Still growing.

Still on the path.

And so are you.

You don’t have to start at 5 years old. You don’t have to win medals. You just have to start. Show up. Get tapped. Breathe. Learn. Grow. Repeat.

That’s what being a warrior is about.

So here’s your challenge:

Find your mat.

Maybe it’s jiu-jitsu. Maybe it’s writing. Maybe it’s a job, a craft, a calling. I don’t care.

But find something that humbles you. That stretches you. That demands your best.

And then keep showing up.

Every week. Every month. Every year.

Not to prove you’re great.

But to prove you haven’t given up.

That’s the black belt life.

That’s the Notari life.

That’s the Leader’s Dojo way.

You in?

​

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