The Rising Tide: Why Real Leaders Learn to Lift Instead of Push Down

Lessons from a BJJ mat that every "leader" needs to hear

The Smallest Kid's Superpower

Growing up as the smallest kid in class with my nose permanently buried in a book made me an easy target.

While the other kids were perfecting their jump shots, I was perfecting my ability to detect bullshit from fifty yards away.

Those years of dodging playground tyrants and classroom alpha-wannabes gave me something invaluable: a finely-tuned BS detector that still serves me well four decades later.

Being the perpetual underdog taught me something else crucial—how not to be intimidated by loud voices, puffed chests, and theatrical displays of dominance.

When you've survived middle school as a 85-pound bookworm, very little in the adult world can rattle you.

But more importantly, it showed me the fundamental difference between true strength and compensatory aggression.

Same Playground, Different Names

Fast-forward to today's digital playground, and the rules haven't changed—just the vocabulary.

We've traded wedgies for cyberbullying, lunch money theft for doxing, and hallway intimidation for online trolling.

The internet has given every insecure person with WiFi the ability to become the playground bully they either were or wished they could be.

Social media platforms have become digital Lord of the Flies scenarios, where anonymity breeds cruelty and algorithms reward outrage.

The participation trophy generation—ironically—has produced some of the most vicious virtual bullies we've ever seen.

Perhaps because they never learned to lose gracefully, they never learned to win gracefully either.

The BJJ Revelation

Enter Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, a martial art that flipped my understanding of power dynamics on its head.

On the mats, I discovered a phrase that gets repeated religiously:

It's our shorthand for a simple truth—we all get better when we help each other improve.

In BJJ, your training partners aren't enemies to be dominated; they're collaborators in mutual evolution.

The white belt you roll with today might be the one teaching you something crucial six months from now.

The person choking you unconscious is also the person helping you develop better defense.

There's no ego protection in getting submitted repeatedly—only learning opportunities.

This collaborative approach to improvement stands in stark contrast to the zero-sum mentality that dominates most of our culture.

In BJJ, making your training partner better directly makes you better.

It's a concept so foreign to traditional competitive thinking that it seems almost revolutionary.

The Anatomy of Real vs. Fake Power

Real power, I learned, doesn't announce itself with a bullhorn.

It doesn't need to diminish others to feel significant.

True leaders understand that their strength multiplies when they develop strength in others.

They know that confidence doesn't require an audience of insecure people to feel validated.

Contrast this with the pseudo-leaders littering our landscape today:

• Politicians who gain power by painting fellow citizens as enemies
• Law enforcement officers who mistake badges for permission to bully,
• Business executives who measure success by how many people they can step on during their climb

These aren't leaders; they're insecure children with access to adult tools of power.

They operate from scarcity—believing that elevating others somehow diminishes them.

They've never learned the fundamental truth that the BJJ community lives by: we rise together or we stagnate alone.

The Media Circus of False Strength

Turn on any news channel, and you'll see this dynamic playing out in real-time.

Politicians have mastered the art of manufactured outrage, positioning themselves as heroes by painting their opposition as existential threats.

They've weaponized tribalism, turning governance into a blood sport where the goal isn't solving problems but destroying opponents.

This isn't leadership—it's performance art for people who confuse volume with authority.

• Real leaders seek solutions; fake ones seek scapegoats.
• Real leaders build bridges; fake ones burn them for applause.
• Real leaders take responsibility; fake ones deflect blame with the precision of a championship ping-pong player.

The tragedy is that this theatrical approach to leadership has become so normalized that we've forgotten what genuine authority looks like.

We've confused confidence with arrogance, strength with aggression, and leadership with domination.

The Badge vs. The Mission

Perhaps nowhere is this confusion more dangerous than in law enforcement, where some officers have forgotten the fundamental distinction between power and authority.

The badge and gun aren't symbols of permission to intimidate—they're tools for protecting and serving the community.

The officers who truly understand their role know that their strength comes from the trust and respect of the people they serve, not from the fear they can instill.

They understand that justice isn't about who can hit harder or yell louder—it's about fairly applying the law while maintaining the dignity of everyone involved.

When officers lose sight of this mission and begin using their authority to bully rather than protect, they don't just harm their immediate victims—they undermine the entire system that depends on public trust.

They become playground bullies with government-issued weapons.

Digital Cowardice and Anonymous Cruelty

The internet has provided the perfect laboratory for studying human nature stripped of accountability.

Behind screen names and fake profiles, people reveal their true character—and often, it's uglier than we'd like to admit.

Doxing, trolling, and cyberbullying aren't sophisticated new forms of social interaction—they're the same cowardly behaviors we've always seen, now amplified by technology.

The person hiding behind a keyboard, trying to destroy someone's life over a disagreement, is the same person who would have been shoving kids into lockers if they'd had the physical capability.

These digital bullies prove a fundamental truth: access to power without personal development is a recipe for abuse.

They have the tools to hurt others without the wisdom to know why they shouldn't.

The Cycle of Hurt

There's an old saying that perfectly captures this dynamic:

The playground bully isn't acting from strength—they're acting from their own pain and insecurity.

The political demagogue isn't displaying confidence—they're masking their own inadequacy with manufactured outrage.

The online troll isn't demonstrating superiority—they're revealing their own misery.

Understanding this doesn't excuse their behavior, but it does illuminate the futility of fighting fire with fire.

You can't heal hurt by inflicting more hurt.

You can't build confidence by tearing others down.

You can't create security by making others feel insecure.

This is where the BJJ philosophy becomes transformative.

When you understand that everyone's growth contributes to your own growth, you stop seeing other people as threats and start seeing them as opportunities for mutual improvement.

The Rising Tide Philosophy in Action

The "rising tide" mentality isn't just feel-good philosophy—it's practical wisdom that produces measurably better results.

In BJJ, gyms that embrace this collaborative approach consistently produce better athletes than those that operate on pure competition and ego.

Students advance faster when they're taught to help each other rather than destroy each other.

Techniques improve when knowledge is shared freely rather than hoarded protectively.

The overall level of the gym rises when everyone is invested in everyone else's success.

This same principle applies to every area of life.

Companies with collaborative cultures outperform those with cutthroat environments.

Communities that support all members are stronger than those that exploit the weak.

Even families function better when success is shared rather than hoarded.

Breaking the Mud Wrestling Cycle

We're currently trapped in a cycle where everyone is wrestling in the mud, and the only ones enjoying it are those who were already comfortable being dirty.

• Political discourse has devolved into name-calling contests.
• Social media has become a platform for public humiliation.
• Professional environments often reward backstabbing over collaboration.

The solution isn't to become better mud wrestlers—it's to refuse to enter the pig pen in the first place.

This requires the kind of confidence that can only come from genuine strength, not the artificial bravado that comes from putting others down.

Real leaders don't need to diminish others to feel significant.

They don't need to create enemies to feel important.

They understand that their reputation is built on what they build up, not what they tear down.

The Arnold Principle

Even Arnold Schwarzenegger—a man who literally made his living by being bigger and stronger than everyone else—understands this principle.

The former bodybuilding champion, movie star, and governor has a pig as one of his house pets, appreciating their intelligence and social nature.

It's a perfect metaphor for strength without arrogance, power without cruelty.

Arnold's career trajectory tells the story of someone who learned to use his platform to elevate others rather than dominate them.

From promoting fitness and health to public service, he discovered that real success comes from lifting others up, not pushing them down.

The Path Forward

The solution to our current crisis of leadership isn't more rules, regulations, or sensitivity training.

It's a fundamental shift in how we understand strength and success.

We need to stop rewarding theatrical displays of dominance and start recognizing genuine leadership.

This means calling out bullying behavior regardless of where we see it—in our politicians, our police officers, our coworkers, and ourselves.

The Choice We All Face

Every day, in every interaction, we face a choice:

Will we be badasses or bitches?

Will we lift others up or push them down?

Will we create rising tides or engage in mud wrestling?

The choice isn’t always easy, especially when dealing with people who seem determined to drag us into the mud.

But it’s always clear.

The badass choice is to refuse to participate in the competition to see who can be the most destructive.

• To focus on building rather than tearing down.
• To create strength in others rather than exploiting weakness.
• To be the kind of leader you wish you’d had when you were struggling.

Because here’s the ultimate truth:

We don’t need fewer bullies and more victims.

We need fewer bitches and more badasses.

We need people who understand that real strength comes from lifting others up, not pushing them down.

The rising tide is waiting.

The question is: will you be part of it, or will you stay in the mud?

Are you sicked and tired of being surrounded by losers, lemmings and Luddites; the bullies, bitches and assholes?

Then join the Leader's Dojo, where you not only discover how badass you are but you're surrounded by other badass warriors and leaders who will help you to be even better.

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