The Mountains You'll Never Summit—And Why That's the Gift

Some opponents will always be better than you. Train with them anyway.

Last Sunday's open mat was both great and terrible.

Great because I got to roll with guys I don't normally see on Sundays. Guys I train with in class semi-regularly, but don't often get to experience in the relaxed, conversational "dance-hall" setting of open mat where egos can drop and learning happens differently.

Terrible because I got absolutely smashed.

One guy in particular: Professor Nick.

I love this guy. When I started at Meraki BJJ in October 2023, he was a purple belt. He got promoted to black belt late last year. I don't see him as much anymore—he's busy in the software space (and I'm sure the recent AI turmoil in his industry isn't helping), plus he recently got married.

But whenever I get the chance to roll with him, I take it.

Even though I know exactly what's going to happen.

I'm going to get destroyed.

And here's the thing: I don't think I will ever beat this guy.

The Exception That Proves the Rule

Well, there was that one time.

A few months back, we were standing and he grabbed my lapel with a straight-arm grip.

I hit him with a hapkido wrist lock. He tapped immediately.

And here's the ✅ checkmark on his character, integrity, and ego:

His roll with me afterward wasn't any harder or easier because a lowly blue belt just tapped a black belt.

It was just back to rolling as normal.

No revenge submissions. No extra pressure. No ego flare-up.

Just training.

That's the mark of a real black belt.

The Reality: I Will Never Summit This Mountain

But besides that one fluky lapse of judgement on his part, I doubt I will ever really give Nick a challenge.

He's:

• Methodical
• Flexible
• Flowing
• Very intelligent, both on and off the mat

He has a 6-7 year head start on me.

I'm 60 years old.

I would need to train another 20 years for that head start to matter less.

By then, I'd be 80. If I'm lucky enough to live that long.

And even then? He'd probably still be better.

This is a mountain I will never summit.

And that's okay.

This Isn't the First Mountain I Couldn't Climb

Nick isn't the first person I've trained with who I knew I'd never beat.

Kalon in Hapkido

In hapkido, there was Kalon.

Over a dozen years of sparring together, I could never get him to say "uncle" first.

Not once.

I tried everything. Different techniques. Different strategies. Different levels of intensity.

Didn't matter. He was always one step ahead.

Barrett

Then there was my buddy Barrett.

In over a decade of training together, he got me to say "uncle" hundreds of times.

I made him say "uncle" exactly once.

And it wasn't even skill—he caught a sharp edge on my bony body with his shin.

That was it. The first and only time.

One win by accident in over 10 years.

The Wrong Question: "Can I Beat Them?"

Most people look at this and think:

"What's the point? If you'll never beat them, why train with them?"

That's the wrong question.

The right question is:

"How much farther can I go than I could before?"

The Real Purpose: Moving the Line

When you train with someone you can't beat, you're not trying to summit their mountain.

You're trying to see how far up the mountain you can climb.

And here's the beautiful thing:

That line is always moving. And it's generally moving up.

You don't see it with them

When you roll with a Nick or a Kalon or a Barrett, you don't see your progress.

To your ego, a beating is still just a beating.

You got submitted. Again.

You tapped. Again.

You couldn't escape side control. Again.

Your ego says:

But then you roll with someone else

And that's when you see it.

You roll with the guy who used to give you trouble six months ago.

And now he doesn't.

You escape positions you used to get stuck in.

You see submissions coming that you used to fall into blindly.

You impose your game in ways you couldn't before.

You realize: "Oh. I'm actually pretty good now."

The measurement isn't you vs. them—it's you vs. you

You don't measure your progress against the mountain you can't summit.

You measure it against where you started.

• Can you go higher now than you could a year ago?
• Can you handle more pressure? More speed? More complexity?
• Can you stay calm longer? Think clearer? Execute better?

That's the measurement.

What You Actually Gain from Unsummitable Mountains

Here's what training with people you'll never beat actually gives you:

1. You learn what elite looks like

When you train with someone far better than you, you see what mastery actually looks like.

Not in a video. Not in theory.

In real time, applied to you.

You feel the pressure. The timing. The efficiency.

You see how little effort it takes them to control you completely.

That becomes your standard.

2. You develop resilience

Getting smashed sucks.

But doing it repeatedly—and coming back for more—builds something most people never develop.

The ability to stay present and keep learning even when you're losing.

Most people quit when they realize they can't win.

Warriors keep showing up.

3. You expose your weaknesses ruthlessly

The people who can beat you will find every hole in your game.

Every bad habit. Every lazy technique. Every gap in your knowledge.

They don't let you get away with anything.

That's not cruelty. That's the gift.

Because now you know exactly what you need to work on.

4. You build humility and perspective

When you train with people you can't beat, you can't bullshit yourself.

You can't pretend you're better than you are.

You can't rest on your laurels.

You stay hungry. You stay humble.

And that keeps you growing.

5. You become the standard for others

Eventually, you become the mountain for someone else.

The guy who just started? You're his Nick. His Kalon. His Barrett.

And how you treat him matters.

Do you crush him with ego? Or do you give him the same gift your mountains gave you?

The Philosophy: It's Not About the Summit

Here's what most people miss:

The point of climbing isn't to reach the top. It's to see how much higher you can go.

In business

You're never going to out-Amazon Amazon.

But that doesn't mean you can't build a great business.

The question isn't "Can I be the biggest?" It's "How much value can I create?"

In relationships

You're never going to be the perfect partner.

But that doesn't mean you can't build a great relationship.

The question isn't "Can I be perfect?" It's "Am I better today than yesterday?"

In health

You're never going to be 25 again.

But that doesn't mean you can't be strong, capable, and healthy.

The question isn't "Can I be young?" It's "How much can I optimize what I have?"

On the mat

You're never going to beat everyone.

There will always be someone better, faster, stronger, more experienced.

But that's not the point.

The point is: How much farther can you push your own line?

The Gift of the Mountain

Here's what I've learned from Nick, Kalon, Barrett, and every other person I've trained with who I'll never beat:

They're not obstacles. They're gifts.

They show me:

• What's possible
• Where I have room to grow
• How much I've already grown
• Why I need to stay humble
• What it means to be a true martial artist

Without them, I'd plateau.

I'd train with people I can beat and convince myself I'm good.

I'd rest on my achievements and stop pushing.

I'd become satisfied, comfortable, and eventually stagnant.

The mountains I can't summit are what keep me climbing.

The Framework: How to Train With Mountains You Can't Summit

Here's how to get the most from training with people far better than you:

1. Let go of ego

You're going to lose. Accept it.

The faster you accept it, the faster you start learning.

Your job isn't to win. It's to survive as long as possible and learn something.

2. Focus on one thing

You can't fix everything at once.

Pick one thing to work on each roll.

Maybe it's framing. Maybe it's hip escape. Maybe it's staying calm under pressure.

Make that your win condition.

Did you escape side control one more time than last week? That's a win.

3. Ask questions afterward

The best training partners will tell you exactly what they did and why.

Don't let your ego stop you from asking.

• "How did you pass my guard so easily?"
• "What did I leave open that let you take my back?"
• "What should I have done differently?"

These questions are worth more than a hundred YouTube videos.

4. Measure progress against yourself

Don't measure progress by whether you beat them.

Measure it by:

• How long you survived
• How many mistakes you avoided
• How many techniques you executed
• How calm you stayed

You vs. you. That's the only comparison that matters.

5. Show gratitude

Thank them for their time.

Thank them for not going easy on you.

Thank them for showing you where you need to grow.

They're giving you a gift. Treat it as such.

The Real Victory

Last Sunday, I got smashed by Nick.

I didn't submit him. I didn't escape many, if any, of his positions. I didn't "win" anything.

But I walked off the mat better than I walked on.

I learned something about framing. About hip movement. About staying calm under pressure.

Nick told me don't be so quick to create space to get away, for me at this point, he said to recover guard instead of escaping.

I saw what high-level BJJ looks like up close.

I pushed my line a little bit higher.

That's the victory.

Not beating him. But becoming a better version of myself because I trained with him.

The Truth About Mountains

Here's what I know at 60 years old:

There will always be mountains I can't summit.

People smarter than me. Stronger than me. More skilled than me.

And I could spend my life resenting that.

Or I could do what I do:

Keep climbing.

Not to reach their peak. But to see how much higher I can go than I could yesterday.

That's the game.

That's what makes it worth playing.

The Challenge: Find Your Mountain

Here's your move:

Identify one person in your life who's a mountain you'll never summit.

Someone who's better than you. Who will probably always be better than you.

Then ask:

What can I learn from them? How can they help me push my line higher?

And then show up.

Consistently.

Humbly.

Ready to get beaten and to learn from it.

That's how you grow.

Not by avoiding the mountains you can't climb.

By climbing them anyway.

Reply with one "mountain" in your life—someone who's better than you—and what you're going to learn from training with them.

Let's see what you choose.

⚔ The Dojo Drill

Today’s training:

The 1% Improvement Drill

Ask:

Do it immediately.

📚 Leader’s Library

Book I recommend this week:

​Turn the Ship Around! — David Marquet​

Why?

Because you're not a leader if you're not training your followers to be leaders.

P.S. Know a martial arts gym owner who’s stressed about money or student numbers?

Do them a favor:

Send them to The Leader’s dōjō 武士道場 – my free Skool community where I help dojo owners get more students and keep them longer with simple, boring systems instead of sleazy hype.

One forward from you could be the difference between them burning out… or building a dojo that actually supports their life:
​The Leader’s dōjō 武士道場​

Thanks,
– Chuck