The One Skill That Makes Everything Easier: Why Everyone Needs to Learn Marketing

I have to be honest—I really don't know how I got and "kept" my wife Amy 25 years ago.

I was so emotionally-retarded (and yes, I know that's not PC, but I'm still blue-collar at heart, LOL) and had poor communication and connection skills. I'm better now, but still have so much to learn.

One thing that has helped me more than I could have ever imagined was when I started taking classes and reading books to help my wife build her somatic therapy practice.​

She was focused on learning the skills to help her clients when they were in her office (or on Zoom), while I was learning the things to get them into the office—namely, marketing and sales.

Little did I know that these two skills didn't only apply to business.

They apply to every situation where two or more people engage.

They help you connect on an honest level and come to an agreement for moving forward, because what else is marketing and selling but those two things: finding people who want to engage with you and finding a way to move that engagement forward.

Take dating, for example.

Getting on a date is nothing more than finding a person with similar interests (attraction) and "selling" yourself to get them to go out with you.

Even if you're married (the biggest marketing and sales campaign of your life, LOL), almost every day there's a new marketing and selling campaign:

• What to eat for dinner?
• What movie to watch?
• Where to go this weekend?
• On and on and on.

That's your personal life.

In your professional life, there's even more marketing and selling:

Are you valuable in the marketplace? Why? How? Doing what? Do you deliver on that, or are you on the revolving door of hire and fire over and over again, hopefully not burning bridges in the process?

Here's the truth that most people miss:

Marketing and selling aren't sleazy business tactics—they're fundamental human skills for creating connection, understanding, and mutual benefit.

When I learned marketing and selling for my wife's business, I applied it on the construction site with my crew, my supervision, and the other tradesmen, making the work environment better.

I applied it on the mat with the various students I trained with and taught.

I applied it in life as I went about my day-to-day existence, learning to see the world from a variety of perspectives and not being rooted in only one way to live life.

And most importantly of all, I applied it to my marriage and became a better husband for my wife.

If you want to succeed in life, learn marketing and selling.

The Fundamental Misunderstanding About Marketing

What People Think Marketing Is

Most people hear "marketing" and immediately think:

• Manipulation
• Lying
• Sleazy sales tactics
• Convincing people to buy things they don't want
• Fake enthusiasm and forced smiles
• Pushing products on unwilling victims

And while they're not wrong, this is the bullshit of manipulators, thieves and assholes.

Bad marketing might look like this, but bad marketing is bad precisely because it violates the principles of good marketing.

It's like saying surgery is bad because you once saw someone butcher an operation.

What Marketing Actually Is

At its core, marketing is simply understanding what people want and showing them how you can help them get it.

That's it.

It's about:

• Understanding others' needs and desires
• Communicating clearly about what you offer
• Creating mutual benefit
• Building trust over time
• Making it easy for people to say yes to things that serve them

When you understand this, you realize that marketing applies to literally every human interaction.

The Three Rules of Good Marketing (That Apply to Everything)

Over the years of studying marketing to help my wife's practice, I distilled everything down to three fundamental rules.

These aren't just business principles—they're life principles that make every interaction more effective and more honest.

Rule #1: WIIFM - "What's In It For Me?"

This is where most people fall flat right from the starting gate.

They think about what they want and don't stop to consider what the other person wants.

The fundamental truth: Every single person you interact with is asking themselves, consciously or unconsciously, "What's in it for me?"

Not understanding this destroys:

• Job interviews ("Here's why I need this job" vs. "Here's the value I'll create for you")
• Romantic relationships ("Here's what I want from you" vs. "Here's how we can both thrive")
• Sales conversations ("Here's what I'm selling" vs. "Here's the problem this solves for you")
• Parenting ("Do this because I said so" vs. "Here's why this serves you")
• Friendships ("Here's what I need" vs. "How can we both benefit?")

The shift:

Instead of: "I want you to hire me because I need a job."
Think: "I can solve this specific problem you're facing, which will make your life easier."

Instead of: "I want to go to this restaurant."
Think: "I know you love Italian food and this place has that dish you've been craving."

Instead of: "Buy my product."
Think: "Here's the specific result you'll get that you've been wanting."

Why this works:

People don't care about what you want.

They care about what they want.

When you frame everything from the perspective of their wants, needs, and desires, suddenly you're not fighting against their resistance—you're aligned with their motivation.

The application to my marriage:

Early in our relationship, I would say things like, "I want to watch this movie tonight." Amy would resist because she heard, "I'm prioritizing what I want over what you want."

When I learned to think WIIFM from her perspective, I started saying, "I know you've been stressed this week and mentioned wanting to relax. I found this movie that's supposed to be really calming and beautiful—want to watch it together?"

Same goal (watching a movie), completely different response. Because I was showing her what was in it for her, not just demanding what I wanted.

The common trap:

People think WIIFM means being selfish.

It's the opposite.

It means being so aware of others' needs that you can show them how what you're proposing serves them.

It's empathy in action.

Rule #2: The Platinum Rule - "Do Unto Others As They Want to Be Done Unto"

Everybody has heard of The Golden Rule:​

Sure, that's better than nothing, but there's a better way:

​The Platinum Rule.​

The Golden Rule assumes we all want the same things.

For basic needs, that's mostly true—everyone wants respect, safety, food, shelter.

But for higher levels of wants, needs, and desires, we all have more nuanced priorities. Taking that into account lets everyone feel special and unique.

The flaw in The Golden Rule:

I love direct, blunt communication. If I have spinach in my teeth, I want you to tell me immediately, no sugar-coating.

So following The Golden Rule, I would tell others immediately when they have something in their teeth.

But my wife Amy prefers more gentle, private communication about potentially embarrassing things. She'd rather I pull her aside quietly than announce it in front of others.

If I follow The Golden Rule, I'm actually making her uncomfortable by treating her the way I want to be treated. If I follow The Platinum Rule, I treat her the way she wants to be treated.

The Platinum Rule in practice:

In relationships:

• Learn your partner's love language and express love in the way they receive it, not just the way you prefer to give it
• Understand their communication style and adapt yours accordingly
• Recognize their priorities might be different from yours and honor that

In business:

• Some clients want frequent updates; others want to be left alone until it's done
• Some people want detailed explanations; others want the executive summary
• Some customers value speed; others value thoroughness

In leadership:

• Some employees thrive on public recognition; others are mortified by it
• Some team members need detailed direction; others need autonomy
• Some people want encouragement; others want straight feedback

The shift:

Instead of: "I'm going to treat everyone the same way."
Think: "I'm going to understand what each person values and adapt accordingly."

Why this works:

When people feel understood and valued in the way that matters to them, not just in the way that's easy for you, they feel genuinely seen.

This creates trust, loyalty, and connection that treating everyone identically never achieves.

The application to my marriage:

I used to give Amy the kind of support I would want when she was stressed: space, silence, and solo time to process. That's what works for me.

But sometimes she actually wants presence, conversation, and connection when stressed.

Once I learned to give her what she needed instead of what I would want, our relationship transformed.

The common trap:

People think The Platinum Rule is exhausting because you have to remember different things for different people.

But what's actually exhausting is constantly creating friction by treating people in ways that don't land well with them.

Learning what people want and giving it to them creates ease, not effort.

Rule #3: Think Long Term - Build Trust Through Consistent Over-Delivery

Sure, even in an internet-connected global community, there are more than enough customers to create any level of quality of life you want.

But it is so much more "expensive" to chase new clients than it is to keep and service existing customers by over-delivering and having them be your advertising team.

Stop burning your customers by seeing them as walking ATMs.

Instead, treat each and every one of them as valuable assets you don't want to lose.

​Under-promise and over-deliver, because trust is built over time but can be lost in a moment.

The short-term thinking that destroys relationships:

In business:

• Promise the world to close the sale, then under-deliver
• Extract maximum value from each transaction
• Move on to the next customer when this one is tapped out
• Cut corners to increase profit margins
• Ignore customer service after the sale

In relationships:

• Show your best self to attract someone, then stop trying once you've "won" them
• Take your partner for granted once the relationship is established
• Only invest effort when the relationship is threatened
• Keep score of who's giving what

In professional life:

• Work hard during the interview, coast once you get the job
• Do the minimum required to not get fired
• Build relationships only when you need something
• Burn bridges because there are always other jobs

The long-term thinking that builds everything:

In business:

• Under-promise and over-deliver on every transaction
• Focus on customer lifetime value, not individual sale value
• Turn customers into evangelists who do your marketing for you
• Invest in quality that creates reputation
• Treat every customer like they're your only customer

In relationships:

• Continue courting your partner long after you've committed
• Invest in the relationship even when everything is going well
• Create surplus goodwill through consistent small acts
• Build trust by being reliable over time

In professional life:

• Deliver more value than you're paid for
• Build a reputation for excellence that precedes you
• Maintain relationships even when you don't need anything
• Leave every situation better than you found it

Why this works:

The mathematics of compounding goodwill are staggering.

One satisfied customer tells others.

One burned customer tells even more.

Over time, your reputation—built transaction by transaction, interaction by interaction—becomes your greatest asset or your biggest liability.

The application to construction:

On construction sites, I learned that the crew members who think short-term cut corners, hide mistakes, and create problems that surface later.

They're constantly job-hopping because they burn their reputation at each site.

The craftsmen who think long-term do things right the first time, own their mistakes immediately, and build reputations that get them recommended for the best jobs.

They don't need to chase work—work chases them.

I applied this same principle: I over-delivered on every task, helped other trades even when it wasn't my job, and built a reputation that made foremen want me on their crews and other trades were happy to work with me again.

The application to my marriage:

Early on, I would do nice things for Amy when I wanted something or when I'd screwed up. That's transactional and short-term.

Now, I invest in small acts of service, attention, and care constantly—especially when everything is fine.

I'm building a bank of goodwill and trust that makes the inevitable rough patches easier to navigate, what Stephen Covey called "the emotional bank account."​

I'm playing the long game of creating a marriage that gets better over decades, not just maintaining one that doesn't fall apart.

The common trap:

People think long-term thinking means sacrificing now for later. But what it actually means is making choices that create compounding benefits.

You're not sacrificing—you're investing. And the returns are exponential.

How Marketing Changed Every Area of My Life

When I learned marketing and selling to help my wife build her practice, I didn't realize I was learning a framework for improving literally everything.

On the Construction Site

Before understanding marketing:

• I showed up, did my work, went home
• I focused only on my tasks
• I didn't think about how I was perceived
• I wondered why I wasn't getting the best assignments

After understanding marketing:

WIIFM: I asked myself, "What does the foreman need?" He needs the job done right, on time, without drama. I became the guy who delivered that consistently.

The Platinum Rule: I noticed that different foremen had different styles. Some wanted updates; others wanted to be left alone. I adapted to each.

Long-term thinking: I helped other trades when I had downtime, even though it wasn't my job. I built a reputation as someone who made the whole project better. Soon, I was getting requested for the best crews.

On the Mat (Martial Arts Training)

Before understanding marketing:

• I focused on my own development
• I didn't think about what my training partners needed
• I didn't consider how to make the environment better for everyone

After understanding marketing:

WIIFM: I realized my training partners wanted good, safe training that helped them improve. I became the partner who gave that.

The Platinum Rule: Some students wanted technical precision; others wanted intensity. Some wanted encouragement; others wanted tough challenges. I gave each what they needed.

Long-term thinking: I invested in helping lower-ranked students, knowing that building a strong training culture benefited everyone long-term. I became someone people wanted to train with.

In My Marriage

This is where marketing made the most profound difference.

Before understanding marketing:

• I communicated what I wanted
• I assumed Amy wanted the same things I did
• I did nice things when I wanted something
• I wondered why we had so much friction

After understanding marketing:

WIIFM: I started every conversation by considering what Amy wanted and needed. Instead of "I want to go hiking this weekend," I said, "I know you've been feeling cooped up and mentioned wanting to get outside—want to explore that new trail?"

The Platinum Rule: I learned that Amy processes verbally while I process internally. I learned to give her the conversation she needs instead of the silence I prefer. I learned her priorities are different from mine and stopped judging them as wrong.

Long-term thinking: I stopped keeping score and started investing in surplus goodwill. I do things for her not because I want something in return, but because I'm building a marriage that compounds in quality over decades.

The result: Our marriage transformed. Not because I became manipulative, but because I became genuinely focused on understanding and serving her needs while clearly communicating my own.

In Daily Life

Understanding marketing changed how I move through the world.

At the grocery store: Instead of being annoyed when someone's blocking the aisle, I think, "They're trying to find something—how can I help?" I offer assistance. People light up.

In traffic: Instead of raging at other drivers, I think, "Everyone's trying to get somewhere important to them." I let people merge. I wave people through. Stress decreases.

In service interactions: Instead of being impatient with servers or clerks, I think, "They're dealing with difficult people all day." I'm kind, patient, and tip well. I get better service everywhere I go.

With strangers: Instead of staying in my bubble, I think, "What does this person need?" A smile. A door held open. A genuine "thank you." Small interactions that make both of us feel more human.

The Skill That Makes Everything Easier

Here's what I've learned after decades of applying marketing principles to every area of life:

Life is easier when you understand what people want and help them get it.

That's not manipulation. That's not being fake. That's being genuinely other-focused while also being clear about what you want and need.

The transformation:

Instead of: Fighting to get what you want against everyone else's resistance.
​You get: Aligned movement toward mutual benefit.

Instead of: Wondering why people don't understand or appreciate you.
​You get: Clear communication that lands the way you intend.

Instead of: Burning through relationships and opportunities.
​You get: Compounding returns from long-term trust and goodwill.

Instead of: Feeling like everyone's against you.
​You get: A life where people actively want to help you succeed.

The Three Skills You Actually Need

If you want to apply marketing to improve your life, focus on developing three core skills:

1. Empathy - Understanding What Others Want

This isn't feeling bad for people. It's the ability to accurately understand what drives them, what they value, what they fear, what they desire.

The practice:

• Listen more than you talk
• Ask questions instead of making assumptions
• Pay attention to what people respond to
• Notice what they complain about (reveals what they value)
• Observe their behavior, not just their words

2. Clear Communication - Articulating Value in Their Terms

Once you understand what someone wants, you need to communicate how what you're offering serves that.

The practice:

• Speak to their priorities, not yours
• Use their language, not yours
• Be specific about benefits, not just features
• Make it easy for them to understand and say yes
• Address concerns before they become objections

3. Consistent Delivery - Building Trust Over Time

Understanding and communicating mean nothing if you don't deliver.

The practice:

• Under-promise and over-deliver
• Be reliable in small things
• Own mistakes immediately
• Keep building even when you don't need to
• Play the long game in every relationship

Start Here: Your First Marketing Campaign

You don't need to overhaul your entire life. Start with one relationship or situation.

Pick one area:

• Your marriage or romantic relationship
• Your relationship with your boss or key colleague
• Your relationship with a client or customer
• Your relationship with your kids
• Your relationship with a friend

Ask three questions:

1. What does this person actually want and need? (Not what you assume—what's actually true)
2. How am I currently approaching this relationship? (Am I focused on what I want or what they need?)
3. What would change if I applied WIIFM, The Platinum Rule, and long-term thinking?

Then make one change this week:

Have one conversation where you focus entirely on understanding and serving their needs. Notice what happens.

Conclusion: The Skill That Changed Everything

I stumbled into learning marketing because I wanted to help my wife build her practice.

I had no idea I was learning a framework that would improve my marriage, my work relationships, my friendships, and my daily interactions with strangers.

Marketing isn't about manipulation—it's about understanding.

It's about getting outside your own perspective long enough to genuinely see what others want and need, then showing them how you can help.

It's about treating people the way they want to be treated, not just the way you want to treat them.

It's about building trust over time through consistent over-delivery, not extracting maximum value from each transaction.

These aren't business skills—they're life skills.

When you understand what people want (WIIFM), treat them how they want to be treated (The Platinum Rule), and build trust through consistent over-delivery (long-term thinking), everything gets easier.

• Conversations flow better.
• Conflicts resolve faster.
• Opportunities appear more frequently.
• Relationships deepen naturally.

I was emotionally-retarded 25 years ago. I had poor communication skills and limited ability to connect with people.

I still have much to learn.

But learning marketing—really learning to understand and serve others while clearly communicating my own value—made me a better husband, a better colleague, a better teacher, and a better human.

If you want to succeed in life, learn marketing and selling.

Not because you're trying to manipulate people, but because you're trying to genuinely understand and serve them while also getting your needs met.

That's not sleazy.

That's being human in the most effective way possible.