The One Thing That Separates Warriors from Wimps (And It's Not What You Think)

Picture this: You're rolling with someone at your local BJJ gym.

He's cool, laid-back, fun to train with—just another training partner helping you work on your guard game. Later, in casual conversation, you ask about his background.

"I was in the Navy," he says simply.

"Oh really, what ship did you serve on?" you ask.

"I didn't stay on any one ship for long..." he replies.

"How come?" you ask.

"I was a SEAL," comes the understated reply.

WTAF!

This actually happened to me at Meraki BJJ.

The white belt I'd been casually rolling with—the guy who'd been patiently helping me work through techniques, offering tips, sharing laughs between rounds—was a Navy SEAL.

And he mentioned it like he might mention working in accounting.

Last week, I wrote about John "Shrek" McPhee, the former Delta Force operator who visited our gym before the Las Vegas tournament.

Same pattern: incredibly skilled, generous with his knowledge, spent time explaining what he does to stay healthy in his 50s. When I thanked him for his service, he just quietly nodded.

These interactions revealed something profound about the true difference between warriors and wimps that has nothing to do with physical toughness, technical skill, or even courage.

The Transformation That Awaits

Imagine living with the quiet confidence that comes from knowing you've consistently chosen service over selfishness.

Picture walking through life with the deep satisfaction of knowing your actions have made others stronger, safer, better.

Envision the respect you naturally command—not because you demand it, but because your character speaks so loudly that your humility becomes even more impressive.

This is the life available to anyone willing to embrace the warrior's path of service.

I've done my best to live this transformation for over four decades.

From a construction worker who thought strength meant taking what you could get, to someone whose greatest satisfaction comes from helping others build the lives they want.

The shift didn't happen overnight, but every small act of service, every moment of choosing to give rather than take, built the life I never imagined possible.

The Counter-Intuitive Truth

Here's what movies, books, and popular culture get completely wrong about warriors: the real difference between warriors and wimps isn't what they can take—it's what they give.

Think about it:

• SEALs sign up to potentially give their lives for people they'll never meet
• Delta Force operators like Shrek volunteer for missions where coming home isn't guaranteed
• Firefighters run toward danger to save strangers (today we remember the first responders who gave the ultimate sacrifice in NYC)
• Teachers spend their own money on supplies for other people's children
• Coaches invest unpaid hours helping young people develop character

The pattern is unmistakable: real warriors are defined by their willingness to serve something greater than themselves.

Meanwhile, the wimps, weaklings, and wannabes keep score.

They only give when there's something in it for them. They calculate every interaction for personal advantage.

They measure their worth by what they can extract from others rather than what they can contribute.

The Service Paradox

Here's the beautiful paradox I've discovered after decades of martial arts training and life experience: the more you give, the stronger you become.

When you consistently choose service over selfishness:

• Your confidence grows because it's built on genuine contribution, not artificial posturing
• People naturally respect you because respect is earned through character, not demanded through intimidation
• You develop real strength because service requires you to be strong enough to carry others
• Your life gains meaning because you're part of something bigger than your own desires

The wimps think strength comes from taking. The warriors know it comes from giving.

My Own Path to Service

I've got to be honest: I'm a simple guy who lived a simple, focused life.

Today, as I turn 60, I ask myself, if I am living by the wise words of Ralph Waldo Emerson:

I did construction jobs and trained in martial arts. I can't imagine what a person in the military goes through, especially in times of war.

I applied for both the Navy and Air Force back in the 80s, but it wasn't in the cards for me due to my asthma and maybe stricter guidelines back then.

I didn't get to give back to my country like these men did.

But that rejection taught me something crucial: there are many ways to serve.

So that's why I do this Daily Dojo newsletter.

In some small way, I want to give back and be of service, to be a warrior in my own way—combating fear, ignorance, and close-mindedness.

Every article is my attempt to help someone become stronger, wiser, more capable.

I may never have worn the uniform, but I can still fight the battles that matter: helping people overcome their limitations and build the lives they want.

The Giving Hierarchy

After observing warriors and wimps for decades, I've noticed they operate from completely different hierarchies:

The Wimp's Hierarchy (Scarcity Mindset)

1. What can I get?
2. What's in it for me?
3. How can I avoid risk?
4. Who can I blame?
5. How can I look good without actually doing anything?

The Warrior's Hierarchy (Abundance Mindset)

1. How can I serve?
2. What can I give?
3. Who needs help?
4. What risks are worth taking for others?
5. How can I make others stronger?

The difference in these hierarchies creates completely different lives.

The Compound Effect of Service

When I started shifting from taking to giving thirty years ago, I had no idea how compound the effects would be.

Every small act of service built upon the previous ones:

Years 1-5: I began helping newer students in martial arts, sharing what I'd learned. I discovered that teaching others actually made me better.

Years 5-15: I started mentoring younger workers on construction sites, showing them how to work safely and efficiently. I found that helping others succeed made my own work more meaningful.

Years 15-25: I began helping my wife build her business, applying everything I'd learned about systems and strategy. I realized that serving someone you love multiplies your own capabilities.

Years 25-40: I started sharing lessons through writing, speaking, and coaching. I discovered that serving people you've never met creates a sense of purpose that money can't buy.

Today: At 60, I wake up every morning knowing that my day will be spent helping others become stronger, wiser, more capable. I'm living the life of my dreams not because I took what I wanted, but because I gave what others needed.

The Real Strength Test

Here's how you can immediately identify the difference between warriors and wimps: watch how they treat people who can't do anything for them.

Warriors:

• Help the new person learn the ropes
• Share knowledge freely without expecting anything back
• Protect those who can't protect themselves
• Use their strength to lift others up
• Take responsibility for group success

Wimps:

• Ignore or exploit people who can't help them
• Hoard knowledge to maintain artificial advantage
• Let others struggle to avoid personal risk
• Use any strength they have to push others down
• Take credit for success, blame others for failure

The difference is crystal clear once you know what to look for.

The Service Spectrum

Service doesn't require joining the military or becoming a first responder.

There's a spectrum of service available to everyone:

Ultimate Service

• Military service in combat zones
• First responders risking life for strangers
• Medical professionals in dangerous situations

Professional Service

• Teachers investing in student development
• Coaches building character through sports
• Mentors guiding the next generation

Daily Service

• Being the training partner who helps others improve
• Sharing knowledge and skills freely
• Supporting family and friends through difficult times
• Contributing to your community

Micro Service

• Holding the door for someone
• Listening when someone needs to talk
• Offering help without being asked
• Choosing kindness over convenience

Every level matters. Every act of service builds the warrior spirit.

The Leadership Connection

The best leaders I've known—in martial arts, business, and life—were all servants first. They didn't lead because they wanted power; they led because they wanted to serve.

This creates a completely different type of leadership:

• People follow you because they want to, not because they have to
• Your influence grows naturally because it's based on genuine contribution
• You attract other warriors because service-minded people recognize each other
• Your legacy becomes the people you've helped become stronger

The Daily Practice

Becoming a warrior through service isn't about grand gestures—it's about daily choices:

• Morning Question: "How can I serve today?"
• Midday Check: "Have I given more than I've taken?"
• Evening Reflection: "Did I make someone else's life better?"
• Weekly Service: Identify one person who could benefit from your knowledge, skills, or support
• Monthly Expansion: Look for new ways to serve your community
• Annual Assessment: Evaluate whether you're giving more than last year

Your Service Call

The question isn't whether you have the capability to serve—you do.

The question is whether you have the character to choose service over selfishness.

Here are your immediate action steps:

1. Identify your unique gifts—what knowledge, skills, or experiences could help others?
2. Find someone who needs what you have—in your gym, workplace, community, or family
3. Give without keeping score—offer help without expecting anything in return
4. Make it consistent—service isn't a one-time event, it's a way of life

The Life That Awaits

When you embrace the warrior's path of service, your life transforms in ways you can't imagine:

• You wake up with purpose because your day matters to others
• You build genuine confidence because it's based on real contribution
• You earn authentic respect because people see your character in action
• You create lasting legacy because you've made others stronger
• You find deep satisfaction because you're part of something bigger

This isn't theoretical. This is the life I'm living because I chose the warrior's path of service decades ago. Every day brings new opportunities to help others become stronger, and every act of service makes my own life more meaningful.

The Bottom Line

The one big difference between warriors and wimps isn't physical strength, technical skill, or even courage.

It's the willingness to serve something greater than yourself.

• Warriors give. Wimps take.
• Warriors serve. Wimps keep score.
• Warriors build others up. Wimps tear others down.

The question is: what kind of warrior are you, and how are you serving something greater than yourself?

Your answer to that question will determine not just who you become, but the kind of life you create and the legacy you leave behind.

The warrior's path of service is available to you today. The only question is whether you're ready to walk it.

Are you sicked and tired of being surrounded by losers, lemmings and Luddites?

Then join the Leader's Dojo, where you not only discover how badass you are but you're surrounded by other badass warriors and leaders who will help you to be even better.

​Join now here!​