How WIIFM Transformed My Marriage, Career, and Bank Account

Picture this: You're running multi-million dollar construction projects, managing crews of 20+ workers, and pulling 60-hour weeks just to keep everything afloat.

Meanwhile, your spouse is struggling to build their dream business, despite being incredibly talented at their craft.

The investments you made together—the ones that were supposed to be supported by their growing practice—are draining your bank account faster than you can fill it.

You're working overtime you don't want, taking jobs you don't enjoy, and watching your marriage strain under the financial pressure.

Sound familiar?

This was my reality 20 years ago.

And it all changed because of five simple words that most people get completely backwards.

The Expert's Trap

My wife is brilliant.

As a somatic therapist, she can help people unlock trauma stored in their bodies, guide them through profound healing, and literally transform lives through her work.

Her clients don't just like her—they're devoted to her.

But here's the problem every expert faces:

Being good at your craft and being good at business are two completely different skill sets.

She spent decades mastering her therapeutic techniques, attending workshops, earning certifications, and becoming genuinely exceptional at what she did.

But when it came to the business side—marketing, sales, client acquisition—she was flying blind.

The result?

A handful of devoted clients who couldn't stop raving about her work, and a business that couldn't pay its own bills.

The Entrepreneur's Delusion

This is the mistake I see everywhere: talented people who believe that being great at their craft automatically equals business success.

They think:

• "If I'm good enough, clients will find me"
• "Marketing feels salesy and inauthentic"
• "My work should speak for itself"
• "I don't want to be pushy"

It's a beautiful, naive delusion that destroys more businesses than any economic downturn ever could.

Life is not the movie, Field of Dreams, and if you build it, it doesn't guarantee they will come.

For most experts, who spend years learning their trade, their dreams become nightmares.

Meanwhile, mediocre practitioners with solid marketing skills are booking clients left and right, and the truly gifted experts struggle to pay rent.

When Good Intentions Meet Hard Reality

When we made our investment decisions, we based them on projections from her growing practice.

She was confident the business would scale. I believed in her talent and vision.

What could go wrong?

Everything.

As her client acquisition stalled, I found myself carrying the full financial load.

Instead of working as a journeyman electrician—which I enjoyed—I was forced into foreman roles on massive projects I didn't want.

Instead of the regular schedule that let me train martial arts and take college courses, I was working every available hour of overtime.

Our relationship was deteriorating under the pressure.

Financial stress has a way of poisoning everything else, even when both people are working their asses off to fix the problem.

Something had to change.

The Pivot That Changed Everything

Instead of continuing to hope her business would magically turn around, I made an unconventional decision:

I was going to learn the business skills she needed and teach them to her myself.

I started devouring every marketing, sales, and business book I could get my hands on.

I took evening classes while working full-time. I studied successful service businesses and tried to reverse-engineer what they were doing right.

And you know what?

It worked.

Her practice transformed, not overnight, but slowly and surely.

But here's the unexpected part:

Learning these business skills didn't just save her practice—it revolutionized every area of my life.

Because business, marketing, and sales aren't really about manipulation or persuasion tricks.

At their core, they're about something much more fundamental: understanding what other people actually want and need.

The Five Words That Change Everything

All of this learning eventually crystallized into five simple words that became my framework for everything:

"What's In It For Me?"

But here's the crucial part most people miss:

It's not about what's in it for YOU. It's about what's in it for THEM.

WIIFM—but from the other person's perspective.

This seems obvious, almost simplistic.

But watch how most people operate and you'll see they have it completely backwards.

They're constantly thinking about their own needs, their own goals, their own problems, and then wondering why other people don't respond the way they want.

When you flip this around—when you start every interaction by genuinely considering what the other person wants and needs—everything changes.

The WIIFM Revolution in Business

Once I understood this principle, fixing my wife's practice became straightforward.

Instead of focusing on her credentials, techniques, and qualifications (what she wanted to talk about), we started focusing on what her potential clients were actually experiencing and wanting:

• Instead of "I'm a certified somatic therapist"
• We positioned: "Struggling with anxiety that won't go away no matter what you try?"

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• Instead of "I use cutting-edge body-based healing modalities"
• We offered: "Finally understand why talk therapy hasn't been enough"

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• Instead of "I have years of training in trauma recovery"
• We promised: "Feel safe in your own body again"

The difference?

We stopped talking about what she wanted to say and started addressing what they needed to hear.

Her client bookings quadrupled within six months.

The WIIFM Revolution at Work

But the real transformation happened when I applied this principle to my construction career.

As a foreman, I used to manage my crews the way most supervisors do: threats, deadlines, and appeals to professionalism. "Do this or you're fired." "We need this done by Friday." "This is your job."

It was effective, but it was exhausting.

I was constantly battling resistance, dealing with attitude problems, and replacing workers who'd quit without notice.

Then I started asking: What's in it for them?

I began conversations with my crew members differently:

• "What are you hoping to get out of this job?"
• "What would make this project a win for you personally?"
• "What's your biggest concern about this timeline?"
• "How can we structure this so it works for everyone?"

I discovered that:

• Some guys were trying to save for their kids' college tuition
• Others wanted to learn specific skills for their own side businesses
• Some were dealing with family situations that affected their availability
• Others were motivated by the challenge of complex projects

Once I understood what each person actually wanted, I could align their personal goals with project goals. Instead of fighting against their motivations, I started working with them.

The result?

Better project outcomes, fewer personnel problems, and crews that actually wanted to work with me again.

The WIIFM Revolution at Home

The most profound change happened in my marriage.

Every couple faces those seemingly simple decisions that somehow turn into relationship landmines:

• What movie should we watch?
• Where should we go for dinner?
• How should we spend Sunday afternoon?

The traditional approach is negotiation: I want this, you want that, let's find a compromise that makes us both moderately unhappy.

The WIIFM approach is completely different:

What's really driving their preference, and how can we find something that genuinely serves both of our underlying needs?

When my wife suggests a romantic comedy and I'm thinking action movie, instead of immediately lobbying for my preference, I ask: What's in it for her?

Maybe she's had a stressful week and wants something light and escapist.

Maybe she's been feeling disconnected and wants something that facilitates emotional intimacy.

Maybe she just loves Hugh Grant and I'm overthinking this.

Once I understand what she's actually seeking, I can either:

1. Find an action movie that also delivers what she's looking for
2. Enthusiastically choose the rom-com because I understand why it matters to her
3. Suggest a completely different activity that serves both our underlying needs

The result isn't compromise—it's genuine enthusiasm from both parties.

Why WIIFM Works When Everything Else Fails

Most persuasion techniques try to change what people want.

WIIFM does something much more powerful: it aligns with what people already want.

Instead of convincing someone to care about your priorities, you figure out how your priorities can serve their existing priorities.

Instead of fighting against human nature, you work with it.

This principle works because it addresses three fundamental human needs:

1. The Need to Be Understood

When you take time to genuinely understand someone else's perspective, they feel seen and valued. This creates immediate rapport and trust.

2. The Need for Autonomy

When you present options that serve their goals, people feel like they're making their own decisions rather than being manipulated or coerced.

3. The Need for Mutual Benefit

When you structure interactions so both parties win, people are naturally more cooperative and enthusiastic.

The Time Investment Paradox

Now, some of you are thinking:

You're right. WIIFM does take more time upfront.

But here's what you're missing: It saves massive amounts of time on the backend.

When you skip the WIIFM step, you get:

• Resistance that requires multiple follow-up conversations
• Misunderstandings that need to be corrected later
• Resentment that poisons future interactions
• Suboptimal outcomes that require re-doing

When you invest time in understanding WIIFM upfront, you get:

• Genuine buy-in from the start
• Clear communication that prevents problems
• Enthusiastic cooperation
• Better outcomes that last

The choice isn't between fast and slow. It's between doing it right once or doing it wrong repeatedly.

The WIIFM Framework

Here's how to implement this in any situation:

Step 1: Pause and Ask

Before presenting your idea, making your request, or pushing your agenda, stop and ask: "What might be in it for them?"

Step 2: Listen for Clues

Pay attention to:

• What they complain about
• What they get excited about
• What they prioritize with their time and money
• What they're trying to achieve or avoid

Step 3: Reframe Your Approach

Instead of leading with what you want, lead with how it serves what they want.

Step 4: Verify Your Understanding

Ask questions like:

• "Does this sound like something that would help with...?"
• "What would make this most valuable for you?"
• "What am I missing about your situation?"

Step 5: Adjust Based on Feedback

Be willing to modify your approach based on what you learn.

The Compound Effect of WIIFM

Here's what happened when I consistently applied this principle across all areas of my life:

In Business: My wife's practice went from struggling to thriving. The financial pressure disappeared. Our investments became profitable instead of burdensome.

At Work: I became the foreman everyone wanted to work with. Projects ran smoother. My reputation led to better opportunities and higher pay.

At Home: Our relationship deepened. Decisions became collaborative instead of competitive. We started genuinely enjoying each other's company again.

In Every Other Relationship: Friends, family, neighbors—every interaction became more positive and productive.

The compound effect was extraordinary.

When you consistently make other people feel understood and serve their genuine interests, they want to help you succeed.

Opportunities multiply. Relationships strengthen. Life gets easier.

The Daily Practice

WIIFM isn't a technique you use occasionally—it's a mindset you adopt permanently.

Every morning, I remind myself: Today, I'm going to focus on what's in it for them.

• When talking to clients: What problem are they really trying to solve?
• When managing my team: What would make their day better and more productive?
• When interacting with my wife: What would make her feel most loved and supported?
• When dealing with strangers: What would make this interaction pleasant for them?

It's not about being selfless or sacrificial. It's about being strategically empathetic. When you consistently serve other people's interests, they naturally want to serve yours.

Your WIIFM Challenge

For the next week, try this experiment:

Before every significant interaction—whether it's a work meeting, a conversation with your spouse, or even a transaction with a cashier—pause and ask yourself: "What's in it for them?"

Then adjust your approach to serve their interests alongside your own.

Watch what happens to:

• How people respond to you
• How cooperative they become
• How much easier your daily interactions become
• How much more you enjoy your relationships

The Truth About Transformation

Those five words—What's In It For Me—didn't just save my wife's business or improve my career.

They fundamentally changed how I move through the world.

Instead of constantly pushing against other people's resistance, I learned to work with their natural motivations.

Instead of trying to convince people to care about my priorities, I learned to align my priorities with theirs.

The result isn't manipulation—it's genuine mutual benefit.

When you consistently ask "What's in it for them?" and structure your interactions to serve everyone's interests, you create a life where other people are naturally motivated to help you succeed.

And that, more than any business strategy or relationship technique, is what true success looks like.

Try it for one week. See what happens. Then decide if you want to keep pushing against people's natural motivations, or start working with them.

The choice—and the transformation—is entirely up to you.

P.S. If you found this content helpful, I have a favor to ask.

Actually two WIIFMs of them, a selfish one and a not-so-selfish one.

First the selfish one, if this was helpful to you, forward it to someone you think it might help. That helps me to grow my reach.

Now the not-selfish one, the one thing I learned on the mat and on the job was that the most successful leaders were not the ones who knew the most but were the ones who applied and taught the most.

So, if you want to be a better leader, do two things, take immediate action on what you learned today AND share it with someone else. You'll look badass, I promise you.

Also, if you have any questions, comments or suggestions, hit me up, reply to this email and let me know what's going on and how I can help you to be a better warrior, leader, and badass.

Thank you, I appreciate you being here in The Daily Dojo, you can learn more at CharlesDoublet.com​