You Can't Lead People from Where You Are. You Have to Meet Them Where They're At.

The biggest mistake leaders make? Assuming everyone wants what you want.

For years, I made the same mistake.

I prided myself on being good. Doing good work. Being willing to do the hard work to get good.

And as a foreman on the job and an instructor on the mat, I assumed the people I was leading wanted the same things.

They didn't.

And my assumption that they did made me a worse leader.

Not because I was demanding. Not because I had high standards.

But because I was trying to lead people from where I was, not where they were.

That's silo thinking. "My way is the best way."

And maybe it is. For you.

But not for everyone.

The Framework That Changed How I Lead

A few days ago, I wrote about how I developed the team that could take over for me when I retired in 2020.

In it, I shared the 20/60/20 social demographics of workers and the five-tier system I built so that someone could eventually take my job.

But the framework only worked because I'd finally learned the lesson I'm sharing here:

And that starts with understanding that not everyone wants what you want.

The Mistake I Made for Years

Early in my career as a foreman, I had a simple philosophy:

Do good work. Work hard. Take ownership.

And I assumed everyone on my crew shared that philosophy.

So I'd explain the "why" behind every task. I'd break down the big picture. I'd show them how the small daily actions fit into the larger project.

And some guys loved it.

They leaned in. They asked questions. They wanted to know everything.

But most guys?

They looked at me like I was wasting their time.

And I'd get frustrated.

Why don't they care? Why aren't they curious? Why don't they want to get better?

But the question wasn't "Why don't they want what I want?"

The question was "What do they actually want?"

And once I started asking that question, everything changed.

The Three Assumptions and Three Asks

After enough failures, I built an onboarding process.

Every new guy on my crew got the same conversation.

Three Assumptions:

1. I assume you here to make money.
2. I assume you don't want to be harassed, bullied or micromanaged.
3. I assume you want to go home safely every day.

Three Asks:

1. Every project you're put on, make it your own, don't consciously leave any loose ends for other people to have to pick up.
2. Don't make your coworkers job hard, get your own material, tools and information, leave them alone to do their own work.
3. Don't make your immediate supervisor's (me) job harder.

That was it.

Not complicated. Not demanding. Just clear.

And from that conversation, I could see where they landed.

Because not everyone wants the same things. And not everyone is at the same level.

The 3x3 Grid: Ownership and Initiative

I started mapping every crew member on a simple 3x3 grid.

Two axes:

Ownership: Do they take responsibility for their work? Or do they blame others when things go wrong?

Initiative: Do they see what needs to be done and do it? Or do they wait to be told?

And from that grid, three groups emerged:

The Top 20%: The Owners with Initiative

These are the guys who want to know everything.

Not just what to do. Not just how to do it.

But why it matters.

They want to see the big picture. They want to understand how their daily tasks fit into the larger project.

They take ownership. They take initiative. They problem-solve without being asked.

These are the guys I loved working with.

We could nerd out on how to do things better. We could talk process, efficiency, logistics.

They didn't need me to manage them. They needed me to lead them.

The Middle 60%: The Solid Performers

These guys are the backbone of every crew.

They don't need the big picture. In fact, they find it distracting.

They want to know what needs to be done and how to do it well.

They're not chasing mastery. They're chasing competence and consistency.

They want job security. They want to do good work. They want to go home knowing they did "good enough."

And "good enough" isn't an insult. It's the standard that keeps most projects moving.

These guys made up the majority of my crews.

And once I stopped trying to turn them into Top 20%ers, I became a better leader.

The Bottom 20%: The "Just Tell Me What to Do" Crew

These guys just want instructions.

Not process. Not principles. Not the "why."

Just: "Tell me what to do."

Early in my career, I'd get frustrated with them.

I'd try to explain the "why." I'd try to get them to think critically. I'd try to develop them into 60%ers or even Top 20%ers.

And I'd fail.

Not because they were incapable. But because I was trying to lead them from where I was, not where they were.

Once I accepted that they just wanted clear instructions and immediate feedback, I stopped wasting time trying to teach what wouldn't be learned.

And ironically, once I stopped pushing, some of them started rising.

The Trap: Labeling People and Locking Them In

Here's the danger of the 20/60/20 framework:

Once you label someone, it's easy to lock them into that label.

You start treating the Bottom 20% like they're hopeless.

You start ignoring the Middle 60% because they're "good enough."

You start expecting the Top 20% to carry everyone else.

And that's when bias creeps in.

​Liking bias. (And it's evil twin brother the Unliking bias.) Confirmation bias.​

You expect the Top 20%er to succeed, so you give them opportunities. And they succeed.

You expect the Bottom 20%er to fail, so you don't invest in them. And they fail.

Self-fulfilling prophecy.

But here's what I learned the hard way:

People change.

The guy you thought was a Top 20%er can tumble.

The guy you thought was one step away from a pink slip can rise.

I've seen both.

And if you lock people into labels, you'll miss the moments when they're ready to step up, or need to take a break and step down.

The Guy Who Almost Got Laid Off (And Then Became My Successor)

True story.

I had a guy on my crew who was one step away from getting laid off.

Bottom 20%. No question.

He showed up late. He didn't get jobs done well. He couldn't seem to understand what we were doing and how to get it done.

The boss and I had a conversation and we were ready to let him go.

But something told me something wasn't right.

So I sat him down and asked:

"What do you actually want?"

Not "Why aren't you doing better?"

Not "Why can't you be like the other guys?"

Just: "What do you want?"

And he told me.

He wanted job security. He wanted to be respected. He wanted to feel like his work mattered.

He didn't want to be a Top 20%er. He didn't want to manage people or nerd out on process.

He just wanted to do good work and be treated like he mattered.

So I stopped trying to turn him into something he wasn't.

I gave him clear instructions. Immediate feedback. Consistent expectations.

And I treated him with respect.

And over time, he changed.

Not into a Top 20%er. Into a solid 60%er.

And then, slowly, he started taking initiative.

He started solving problems without being asked.

He started teaching other guys.

And by the time I retired, he was one of the guys who could take over for me.

He had become a top-20%er.

Not because I pushed him. But because I met him where he was and helped him step up when he was ready.

How to Know Who's Ready for What

Here's the framework I use now:

For the Top 20%: Teach the "Why"

These are the guys who want the big picture.

So give it to them.

Show them how their work fits into the larger project. Teach them the principles, not just the process. Challenge them to think critically.

They don't need you to manage them. They need you to lead them.

For the Middle 60%: Teach the "What" and "How"

These guys don't need the big picture.

They need clarity.

So give them clear instructions. Show them the best way to do it. Give them feedback.

They don't need to be Top 20%ers. They need to be consistent, competent, and confident.

For the Bottom 20%: Teach the "What"

These guys just need instructions.

So give them that.

Clear, simple, immediate.

Don't over-explain. Don't overwhelm. Don't assume they want more than they're asking for.

And if they start asking "How?" or "Why?"—that's when you know they're ready to step up.

The Question You Need to Ask

Here's the question that changed how I lead (and I learned it from the marketing classes I took to help build my wife's business):

Not "What do I want them to want?"

Not "What should they want?"

What do they want?

Because you can't lead someone to a place they don't want to go.

You can only meet them where they are and invite them to step up when they're ready.

Why This Matters More Than Ever

The world is full of leaders trying to lead from where they are.

They assume everyone wants what they want.

They assume everyone is motivated by the same things.

They assume everyone should care as much as they do.

And they're frustrated when people don't.

But here's the truth:

Not everyone wants to be a Top 20%er.

Not everyone wants to understand the "why."

Not everyone wants to nerd out on process and optimization.

And that's okay.

Because you don't need a team of Top 20%ers.

You need a team where everyone is performing at the level they're capable of right now.

And your job as a leader isn't to force them to be something they're not.

Your job is to meet them where they are and help them step up when they're ready.

The Three Shifts You Need to Make

If you want to lead people effectively, here are the three shifts you need to make:

1. Stop Assuming Everyone Wants What You Want

They don't.

And that's okay.

Your job isn't to make them want what you want.

Your job is to understand what they actually want and help them get it.

2. Stop Labeling People and Locking Them In

People change.

The Bottom 20%er can rise. The Top 20%er can tumble.

If you lock people into labels, you'll miss the moments when they're ready to step up.

3. Start Meeting People Where They Are

You can't teach someone from where you are.

You have to meet them where they're at.

And from there, you can invite them to step up when they're ready.

The Leadership You're Missing

Most leaders are trying to lead from where they are.

And that's why they're frustrated.

Because not everyone is where you are.

And not everyone wants to be.

But if you can meet people where they're at—if you can understand what they actually want and help them get it—you'll build a team that actually works.

Not a team of clones. Not a team of Top 20%ers.

A team where everyone is performing at the level they're capable of right now.

And when people are ready to step up, you'll be there to help them.

That's leadership.

Reply with this: One person on your team who you've been trying to lead from where you are instead of meeting them where they're at—and what would change if you actually met them where they are.

⚔ The Dojo Drill

Today’s training:

The Priority Stack

List the 10 things competing for your time.

Circle the top 3.

Ignore the rest today.

📚 Leader’s Library

Book I recommend this week:

​Go Rin No Sho (The Book of Five Rings) by Miyamoto Musashi​

Why?

Because this is the preeminent book on being a warrior, a leader and a strategist.

🔥 Take the Warrior Self-Assessment Quiz

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Because if you don't know where you're headed, how will you get there?

It will tell you your current belt level.

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Chuck