The Flow State: How to Find the Gap Where All Power Lives

Picture this: You’re chatting with a fellow white belt after another great Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu class, both of you still catching your breath from rolling.

He shares something that stops you in your tracks:

You nod in understanding because you know exactly what he means.

Training on the mat consistently gives you a timeout from everyday life and forces you to be present—because when you’re not, you don’t do well while rolling or drilling and sometimes that hurts.

But here’s what happened to me just days after that conversation that crystallized something profound about the nature of flow states and their application to life:

I was driving home from another great BJJ class, beat up, exhausted, and so alive that only martial arts training can give you—feeling both dead and alive at the same time.

Coming down Sepulveda, a car in the right lane suddenly changed lanes directly on top of me.

Before I even knew what was happening, I was already moving to the left, straddling the yellow line of oncoming traffic, and accelerating in front of the car that had changed lanes on top of me. No thought. Just being in the flow and responding appropriately.

It was so smooth and easy.

What struck me most was that I wasn’t even feeling anything toward the driver who almost hit me.

I didn’t have a desire or need to look at him as I drove by.

I had accessed what Viktor Frankl described as the gap between stimulus and response—and in that gap lies all the power to change the world.

The Anatomy of Flow

Flow state is one of the most misunderstood concepts in human performance.

Most people think it’s some mystical experience reserved for elite athletes or artists.

The reality is that flow is simply what happens when you become so present and engaged with what you’re doing that the mental chatter stops, time seems to shift, and you respond from a place of pure capability rather than conscious thought.

In that moment on Sepulveda, I experienced what psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi identified as the core characteristics of flow:

Complete absorption in the activity: I wasn’t thinking about anything else—no mental to-do lists, no replaying conversations, no planning the evening.

Loss of self-consciousness: There was no internal dialogue about how I looked or what others might think.

Transformation of time: The entire incident felt both instantaneous and extended, as if time had slowed down to allow perfect response.

Autotelic experience: The response was its own reward—smooth, effortless, and perfectly calibrated to the situation.

Clear goals and immediate feedback: The goal was simple (avoid collision), and the feedback was immediate (safe passage).

Balance of challenge and skill: The situation required exactly the level of motorcycle handling skill I possessed through decades of daily riding.

Why Modern Life Destroys Flow

The reason my training partner could only find this state on the BJJ mat reveals something crucial about modern life: we’ve created environments that are actively hostile to flow states.

Consider the typical modern experience:

Constant interruption: Phones buzzing, emails arriving, notifications demanding attention every few minutes.

Multitasking demands: Expected to juggle multiple projects, conversations, and responsibilities simultaneously.

Low-stakes complexity: Most daily activities have unclear goals, delayed feedback, and minimal consequences for poor attention.

Safety without challenge: Protected from real danger but also deprived of the focused engagement that meaningful challenges provide.

Mental time travel: Constantly replaying the past or planning the future instead of engaging with present reality.

No wonder people feel scattered, anxious, and disconnected from their own capabilities.

We’ve designed a world that makes flow states nearly impossible to access in everyday life.

The Martial Arts Flow Laboratory

This is why martial arts training is so valuable—it creates the exact conditions necessary for flow states:

Clear and immediate consequences: When you’re not present during rolling, you get submitted. When you’re not focused during sparring, you get hit. The feedback is instant and honest.

Perfect challenge-skill balance: Good training partners and instructors provide just enough challenge to keep you engaged without overwhelming you.

Singular focus requirement: You cannot think about work deadlines while someone is trying to choke you. The activity demands complete attention.

Physical engagement: Mind-body integration naturally quiets mental chatter and creates present-moment awareness.

Meaningful stakes: While training is safe, the simulation of real conflict engages deeper survival instincts that cut through mental noise.

Progressive skill development: Each session builds on previous learning, creating the sense of growth and mastery that sustains motivation.

The Motorcycle Meditation

This is also why I still ride a motorcycle every day in Los Angeles traffic, despite the obvious risks.

Riding forces you to be present because the cost of distraction is severe and immediate.

When you’re on two wheels surrounded by distracted drivers in 6,000-pound vehicles, you cannot:

• Check your phone
• Let your mind wander to problems at work
• Replay arguments or plan conversations
• Operate in the mental fog that characterizes most modern driving

You must be completely present, reading traffic patterns, anticipating driver behavior, and responding with precision and timing.

It’s a moving meditation that forces flow states through necessity rather than intention.

The incident on Sepulveda was the perfect example: decades of daily riding had trained my nervous system to respond appropriately without conscious thought.

The challenge matched my skill level exactly, the consequences were real and immediate, and the response emerged from flow rather than panic or overthinking.

The Gap Between Stimulus and Response

Viktor Frankl’s observation about the gap between stimulus and response is one of the most profound insights in human psychology:

Most people live in reactive mode—stimulus immediately triggers response with no conscious choice in between.

Someone cuts them off in traffic, and they immediately feel anger and honk their horn.

Their boss criticizes their work, and they immediately feel defensive and make excuses.

They see an attractive person, and they immediately feel nervous and tongue-tied.

Flow states teach you to live in the gap—to respond from conscious choice rather than unconscious reaction.

In my motorcycle incident, the gap wasn’t filled with thought or emotion—it was filled with pure response capability.

No anger, no fear, no story about what the other driver should or shouldn’t have done.

Just smooth, appropriate action that resolved the situation efficiently.

The Three Enemies of Flow

Understanding what destroys flow states is just as important as knowing how to create them:

Overthinking (Mental Interference)

When you get caught up in your head about the “right” thing to do, you disconnect from your natural response capability.

Analysis paralysis prevents the smooth action that flow enables.

Emotional Hijacking

When you let emotions like fear, anger, or excitement take over, they cloud your perception and create reactive rather than responsive behavior.

Strong emotions narrow your awareness and reduce your options.

Attachment to Outcomes

When you’re too focused on specific results rather than the process, you create pressure that interferes with natural performance.

Trying too hard prevents the effortless effort that characterizes flow.

Flow States in Daily Life

The goal isn’t to only access flow during martial arts training or motorcycle riding.

The goal is to bring flow principles into everyday activities to improve performance, reduce stress, and increase life satisfaction.

Here’s how to apply flow principles to common life situations:

Work and Career

Create clear goals: Break large projects into specific, achievable tasks with obvious completion criteria.

Seek immediate feedback: Don’t wait for annual reviews—ask for regular input and create systems that show progress.

Match challenge to skill: Take on projects that stretch your abilities without overwhelming you.

Eliminate distractions: Create environments that support deep focus rather than constant interruption.

Find meaning: Connect daily tasks to larger purposes that matter to you.

Relationships

Be fully present: Put away devices and give complete attention during conversations.

Listen without agenda: Focus on understanding rather than preparing your response.

Respond rather than react: Use the gap between what someone says and how you respond to choose conscious action.

Accept what is: Stop trying to control or change others and focus on your own responses.

Health and Fitness

Focus on process: Pay attention to how your body feels during exercise rather than just pursuing numbers.

Progressive challenge: Gradually increase difficulty to maintain engagement without injury.

Mind-body integration: Use physical activities as opportunities for meditation and present-moment awareness.

Creative Pursuits

Embrace beginner’s mind: Approach creative work with curiosity rather than judgment.

Focus on the work: Engage with the creative process rather than worrying about results.

Allow imperfection: Accept that flow emerges through doing, not through planning the perfect approach.

Training Your Flow Capacity

Like any skill, your ability to access flow states can be developed through deliberate practice:

Meditation and Mindfulness

Regular meditation trains your ability to notice when your mind wanders and gently return attention to the present moment. This builds the mental muscle needed to maintain focus during challenging activities.

Physical Training

Activities that require mind-body coordination—martial arts, dance, rock climbing, even weightlifting with proper form—develop your capacity for integrated awareness.

Challenging Hobbies

Pursue activities that require skill development and provide immediate feedback: musical instruments, crafts, games, sports. The key is finding activities that challenge you appropriately for your current skill level.

Digital Detox

Regularly disconnect from devices and notifications to rebuild your capacity for sustained attention. Modern technology is designed to fragment attention—you must actively counter this through intentional practice.

Nature Immersion

Spend time in natural environments that naturally promote present-moment awareness and reduce mental chatter.

The Flow State Action Plan

Here’s how to systematically increase your access to flow states:

Week 1: Assessment

• Notice when you naturally experience flow-like states
• Identify activities that consistently fragment your attention
• Recognize your personal patterns of overthinking and emotional reactivity

Week 2: Environment Design

• Create spaces and times for uninterrupted focus
• Eliminate or minimize sources of distraction
• Choose one activity to practice flow principles with

Week 3: Skill Building

• Begin a regular meditation or mindfulness practice
• Engage in physical activities that require present-moment attention
• Practice the gap between stimulus and response in low-stakes situations

Week 4: Integration

• Apply flow principles to work and relationship situations
• Notice the difference between reactive and responsive behavior
• Develop systems for maintaining flow capacity over time

The Bottom Line

Flow states aren’t mystical experiences reserved for elite performers—they’re natural human capabilities that modern life has trained us to ignore.

When you learn to access the gap between stimulus and response, you discover a level of effectiveness, peace, and satisfaction that most people never experience.

Whether it’s that perfect roll on the BJJ mat where everything flows smoothly, the motorcycle ride where you navigate traffic with effortless precision, or the work session where hours pass like minutes and you produce your best results, flow states represent your natural capacity for peak performance and deep engagement.

The goal isn’t to live in flow states constantly—that’s neither possible nor necessary.

The goal is to recognize when flow is available, create conditions that support it, and access it when you need your best performance.

As Viktor Frankl observed, between stimulus and response lies all the power to change the world.

Flow states teach you to live in that gap—not through overthinking or emotional reactivity, but through pure, present-moment response capability.

Get more in the gap of flow. Your performance, your relationships, and your life satisfaction depend on it.

The mat is waiting.

The road is calling.

The gap between stimulus and response is where all your power lives.