The Job You Hate Is the Job You Need: Why Your Worst Situation Is Your Best Teacher

Life will keep beating you down until you learn what you need to survive, escape, and dominate.

I was always the smallest kid in class growing up in Hawaii.

Lucky for me, with the Asian population of the islands during the 70s and 80s, being small wasn’t as much of a target as it would’ve been on The Mainland. But it was still enough.

Enough to get picked on. Enough to get pushed around. Enough to learn early that the world doesn’t care about fair.

Like a lot of kids, I struggled with social skills, hierarchies, fitting in versus standing out. And I often ended up on the wrong side of those dynamics—targeted by the idiots, assholes, and bullies.

If I believed in fate, I guess it would be no surprise that I ended up in construction and martial arts. Two worlds where bullying, getting pushed around, and learning to hold your ground or get run over is just par for the course.​

There’s that saying:

And there’s a certain amount of truth to it.

But only if you’re willing to see the beating as training instead of punishment.

The Conversation I Keep Having

Every month—hell, every week—I talk with young men at the cafes I frequent and the gym I train at.

Different guys. Same conversation.

• “I hate my job.”
• “I don’t know if this is going to take me where I want to go.”
• “What’s the point of doing something I hate?”

And I get it. I’ve been there.

​There’s talk about generational disconnects. That earlier generations were better at delayed gratification and impulse control. That younger generations want everything now and can’t handle discomfort.

I don’t know if that’s true.

I know plenty of guys my age and older who are terrible at those qualities. And I know young guys who are willing to put in the effort.

From my perspective, it has less to do with willingness and more to do with framework.

How you think about what you’re doing. How you frame the struggle. How you see the job you hate.

And here’s what I know: The job you hate is the job you need.

Not because suffering builds character—though sometimes it does.

But because the job you hate is showing you exactly what you’re weak at and what you need to improve.

Why Construction Was the Perfect Hell for Me

Who would’ve thought that construction—low-EQ, “you need a thick skin,” blue-collar pragmatism—would be the perfect environment for a small kid who got picked on his whole life?

A world where many foremen “leaders” treated their crews like roaches.​

A world where bullies thrived. Where assholes rose to positions of power. Where if you couldn’t handle being yelled at, belittled, or pushed around, you didn’t last.

I hated it.

For years, I hated it.

But it was exactly what I needed.

Because construction forced me to learn how to deal with bullies, idiots, and assholes. Not just survive them. Not just avoid them.

But work with them. Understand them. And eventually, lead them.

I learned to see them not as monsters, but as hurt people who hurt people. I developed compassion, empathy, and grace toward people I used to just resent.

And when I rose through the ranks, I became the boss I wanted to work for when I was coming up.

I treated my crew with respect. I empowered them. I left the jobsite, the company, the industry a little bit better than I found it.

None of that would’ve happened if I’d quit the job I hated.

What Your Job Is Actually Teaching You

Here’s what most people miss:

Your job isn’t just a paycheck. It’s a mirror.

It’s showing you where you’re weak. Where you lack skills. Where you need to grow.

• You hate your boss? That’s showing you that you don’t know how to manage up. You don’t know how to set boundaries. You don’t know how to communicate effectively with difficult people.
• You hate the work? That’s showing you that you haven’t developed the discipline to do hard things. You haven’t learned to find meaning in the process instead of just the outcome.
• You hate your coworkers? That’s showing you that you don’t know how to navigate social dynamics. You don’t know how to build relationships with people who are different from you.

The job you hate is pointing out exactly where you do not yet have the skill to overcome challenges.

And if you quit before you develop those skills, you’ll just end up in another job that exposes the same weaknesses.

Different environment. Same problems. Because the problem isn’t the job. It’s you.

What I Learned on the Mat

Last year, I was a white belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.

I got pummeled. Pressured. Tapped out. By bigger guys. Stronger guys. Younger guys.

I was getting a beating almost every day. Sometimes multiple times a day.

And there were moments when I hated it. When I wanted to quit. When I thought, “What’s the point? I’m never going to be good at this.”

But I stuck it out.

I broke down what was happening. I practiced during open mat time. I focused on the fundamentals.

And eventually, I developed the skills to not only survive, but to feel calm in the storm.

Now I’m starting to find the openings. The weak points. I’m building the skills to reverse the situation and actually pressure the young big guys.

But none of that would’ve happened if I’d quit when I hated it.

Life is no different.

Life will continue to beat you down. It will make you hate the mat, hate the job, hate the situation.

Until you learn what you need to do to not only survive, but escape the shitty situations, improve your position, and get into an advantageous situation where you can dominate.

But that means you need to stop hating it enough to see it as a gift.

A gift that’s giving you the opportunity to learn, grow, and succeed.

The Framework: How to Use the Job You Hate

Here’s how you turn the job you hate into the training ground you need:

Step 1: Identify what you hate about it.

Be specific. Don’t just say “I hate my job.”

What exactly do you hate?

• The boss who micromanages you?
• The coworkers who don’t pull their weight?
• The work that feels meaningless?
• The lack of recognition?
• The low pay?

Write it down. Get clear on what’s actually bothering you.

Step 2: Ask what skill you’re missing.

For every thing you hate, there’s a skill you haven’t developed yet.

• You hate your micromanaging boss? You’re missing the skill of managing up. Of setting boundaries. Of communicating in a way that builds trust.
• You hate coworkers who don’t pull their weight? You’re missing the skill of influencing without authority. Of building accountability in a team.
• You hate work that feels meaningless? You’re missing the skill of finding purpose in the process. Of connecting daily tasks to larger goals.
• You hate the low pay? You're missing the skill of creating value to their bottom line and communicating the value of that skill.

The job isn’t the problem. The missing skill is the problem.

Step 3: Commit to developing that skill.

Now that you know what skill you’re missing, commit to building it.

Read books. Watch videos. Ask people who are good at it. Practice deliberately.

Treat the job you hate as a training ground for the skill you need.

Step 4: Measure progress, not outcomes.

You’re not trying to make the job perfect. You’re trying to develop the skill.

So measure progress in skill development, not in whether the job gets better.

• Did you have a difficult conversation with your boss and set a boundary? That’s progress.
• Did you influence a coworker to step up without having authority over them? That’s progress.
• Did you find a way to connect your daily tasks to a larger purpose? That’s progress.

The job might still suck. But you’re getting stronger.

Step 5: Know when you’ve learned the lesson.

Eventually, you’ll develop the skill. You’ll handle the situation that used to crush you with ease.

That’s when you know you’ve learned the lesson.

And that’s when you can decide: Do I stay and use this skill to build something here? Or do I move on to the next challenge?

But you don’t leave until you’ve learned the lesson. Because if you leave before that, you’ll just repeat it somewhere else.

Why Most People Stay Stuck

Most people hate their job and do one of two things:

1. They quit immediately.

They assume the job is the problem. They jump to a new job. And they’re shocked when the new job has the same issues.

Different boss. Same micromanaging. Different coworkers. Same lack of accountability.

Because they didn’t develop the skill. They just changed the environment.

2. They stay and complain.

They hate the job. They complain about it. They resent it. But they don’t do anything to change it or develop the skills to handle it.

They just suffer. For years. Sometimes decades.

Both approaches are a waste.

The third option—the one most people never consider—is to stay and use it as training.

To see the job you hate as the exact challenge you need to develop the skills you’re missing.

To stop resenting it and start learning from it.

The Campsite Rule

​There’s a rule in camping:​

I applied that rule to construction.

When I started, the industry was full of bullies, assholes, and leaders who treated their crews like garbage.

I hated it. But I learned from it.

And when I became a foreman, I made a choice:

I’m going to be the boss I wanted to work for when I was coming up.

I treated my crew with respect. I empowered them. I taught them. I protected them from the bullshit above.

And I left every jobsite, every company, every crew a little bit better than I found it.

That wouldn’t have been possible if I’d quit when I hated it.

It was only possible because I stayed long enough to learn the lesson and then used that lesson to make things better.

The Truth About Growth

Growth doesn’t happen in comfort. It happens in discomfort.

The job you hate is uncomfortable. That’s the point.

It’s exposing your weaknesses. It’s forcing you to develop skills you don’t have. It’s making you stronger whether you like it or not.

But only if you’re willing to see it that way.

If you see it as punishment, you’ll just suffer.

If you see it as training, you’ll grow.

The choice is yours.

The Challenge

Here’s what I want you to do:

If you hate your job, don’t quit. Not yet.

First, identify what you hate about it. Be specific.

Then ask:

Then commit to developing that skill. Treat the job as a training ground.

Give it six months. Measure your progress in skill development, not in whether the job gets better.

At the end of six months, you’ll have developed a skill that will serve you for the rest of your life.

And then you can decide: Do I stay and build something here? Or do I move on to the next challenge?

But you’ll make that decision from a position of strength, not weakness.

The Lesson

The job you hate is the job you need.

Not because suffering is noble. But because it’s showing you exactly where you’re weak and what you need to improve.

Life will keep beating you down until you learn what you need to survive, escape, and dominate.

Construction taught me how to deal with bullies and assholes. BJJ is teaching me how to stay calm under pressure and find openings in chaos.

Every situation I hated was exactly what I needed to become who I am.

And the same is true for you.

So the next time you think you hate the situation you’re in, do your best to see it as the opportunity for growth that it is.

Because it is.

What’s the job you hate teaching you right now?