The Two Pillars of Success: Why Aptitude Without Attitude Leads to a Life of Struggle

Most people spend their entire lives wondering why success seems to elude them.

They watch others with seemingly less talent or knowledge rise above them in their careers, relationships, and overall quality of life.

The frustrating truth is that success isn’t just about what you know or how skilled you are—it’s about who you are as a person and how others experience being around you.

After decades in the construction industry and years of personal growth work, I’ve come to understand that there are two fundamental aspects of character that determine whether someone thrives or merely survives: aptitude and attitude.

You need both if you want to be successful, happy, and live a life of quality. Let me share why this matters more than you might think.

The Harsh Reality of Toxic Workplaces

When I first entered the construction industry as a wide-eyed apprentice, I walked into what I now recognize as a deeply toxic environment.

The journeymen and foremen I worked under weren’t just tough—they were downright cruel.

My boss and his crew had a special nickname for me: “whale-shit.”

When I asked why, the response was brutal in its simplicity: “because nothing is lower.”

This wasn’t just good-natured ribbing or the kind of character-building hazing you might expect in a tough industry.

This was systematic dehumanization, and unfortunately, it was the norm for the construction industry. The only acknowledgement to it was "you need a thick skin in construction."

What I didn’t realize at the time was as an apprentice, I wasn’t just learning how to bend conduit and wire panels—I was also learning how to be an asshole.

The environment was so normalized that it took decades and my wife Amy’s training in trauma-healing through somatic therapy for me to even recognize the toxicity I had both experienced and perpetuated.

Through sessions with her teachers and mentors, I began to understand how deeply this toxic apprenticeship had shaped not just my technical skills, but my entire approach to working with others.

When Success Means More Than Technical Skill

Years later, I had a conversation with Daniel, a colleague I’d worked with on various jobs over the years. He’s a really cool guy, and toward the end of my construction career, he shared something that hit me like a sledgehammer: “You know, I really like you now, but I hated you years earlier. You were such a dick!”

All I could do was nod and say, “Yeah, I know, I’m sorry.”

But that moment crystallized something important for me.

Despite my reputation as a skilled electrician—someone who could handle emergencies, work with minimal supervision, and tackle complex projects—my attitude had been holding me back in ways I never fully understood.

My aptitude as an electrician was solid.

I was a good mechanic, earned a reputation as the go-to guy for emergencies, and supervisors knew they could hand me blueprints and a priority list and trust me to get things done.

But my attitude toward coworkers and apprentices was toxic.

People didn’t want to work with or around me, and I was actually fine with that at the time.

What I didn’t realize was how much this attitude was limiting my career potential.

While I could fill in as a foreman or sometimes step up to general foreman duties, I never rose beyond that level.

My technical skills had reached a plateau not because I lacked aptitude, but because my attitude created a ceiling I couldn’t break through.

The Two Pillars: Aptitude and Attitude Defined

Aptitude: The Foundation of Competence

Aptitude is your technical competency—how good you are at actually doing your job.

It encompasses:

• Technical knowledge and skills: The hard skills specific to your field
• Problem-solving ability: How well you can navigate challenges and find solutions
• Work ethic: Your commitment to getting things done and done well
• Reliability: Your consistency in delivering quality work
• Adaptability: Your ability to learn and grow within your profession

In my case, my aptitude was strong.

I could troubleshoot electrical problems, read complex blueprints, work efficiently with minimal oversight, and handle the technical demands of the job.

This aptitude kept me employed and gave me a reputation as someone who could get things done.

Attitude: The Multiplier of Opportunity

Attitude is how others experience working with and around you.

It includes:

• Interpersonal skills: How you communicate and relate to others
• Emotional intelligence: Your ability to understand and manage emotions—yours and others’
• Collaboration: How well you work as part of a team
• Leadership qualities: Your ability to inspire and guide others
• Likability: Whether people enjoy being around you and want to work with you

My attitude, particularly in those early and middle years, was terrible.

I had absorbed the toxic culture around me and was perpetuating it. This attitude created barriers that my technical skills alone couldn’t overcome.

The Likeability Factor: Why Attitude Often Trumps Aptitude

Tim Sanders, in his book The Likeability Factor, puts it perfectly:

This isn’t just feel-good philosophy—it’s a practical reality that governs how opportunities flow in the real world.

Think about it: when times are good and work is plentiful, having strong aptitude might be enough to keep you employed.

But when times get tough and layoffs start happening, who do you think gets cut first?

It’s not necessarily the least skilled person.

It’s often the person that others don’t want to work with.

The one who makes the workplace more stressful, less collaborative, and generally less pleasant. I’ve seen it happen countless times, and I’ve also been that person.

When you’re difficult to work with, you create friction in every interaction.

Projects become more stressful, team dynamics suffer, and opportunities for advancement dry up.

Meanwhile, someone with slightly less technical skill but a great attitude becomes the person everyone wants on their team.

The Success Stories and Cautionary Tales

History is full of examples that illustrate this principle:

The Cautionary Tales:

• Steve Jobs being fired from Apple: Despite his visionary aptitude, his abrasive attitude led to his dismissal from the company he co-founded
• A-list actors that directors won’t work with: Talented performers whose difficult attitudes have limited their career opportunities
• Businesses with superior products but poor customer service: Companies that lose market share despite having better offerings because customers can’t stand dealing with them

The Success Stories:

• The reliable contractor who isn’t the cheapest but gets repeat business: Their attitude and reliability create long-term relationships
• The manager who gets promoted despite not being the most technically skilled: Their ability to work with and motivate others makes them more valuable
• The salesperson who outsells more knowledgeable competitors: Their likability and interpersonal skills close more deals

Why You Need Both: The Multiplication Effect

Here’s the crucial insight: aptitude and attitude don’t just add together—they multiply each other.

• High Aptitude + Poor Attitude = Limited Success: You might be technically excellent, but you’ll hit a ceiling
• Poor Aptitude + Great Attitude = Temporary Success: People might like you, but you won’t deliver long-term value
• High Aptitude + Great Attitude = Exponential Success: This combination creates opportunities, builds relationships, and opens doors

When you combine technical excellence with genuine likability and emotional intelligence, you become someone that others actively want to work with, promote, and recommend.

You become the person who gets called for the best opportunities, who builds lasting professional relationships, and who can weather economic downturns because you’ve made yourself indispensable not just for what you can do, but for who you are.

The Cost of Being Difficult

Let me be blunt about what it costs to be a dick at work and in life:

Professional Costs:

• Limited career advancement: Difficult people hit career ceilings regardless of skill
• Reduced opportunities: People stop thinking of you for interesting projects or positions
• Isolation: You miss out on the informal networks that drive career growth
• First on the layoff list: When cuts need to be made, difficult employees are easy targets

Personal Costs:

• Stress and conflict: Constant friction in relationships is exhausting
• Reduced quality of life: Work becomes a battleground instead of a place of growth and satisfaction
• Missed connections: You lose opportunities for mentorship, friendship, and meaningful collaboration
• Reputation damage: Word spreads about difficult people, and it’s hard to overcome a bad reputation

Long-term Costs:

• Stunted growth: Without good relationships, you miss learning opportunities
• Limited resilience: When challenges arise, you have fewer people willing to help
• Unfulfilled potential: Your technical skills can only take you so far without people skills

The Path Forward: Developing Both Pillars

As Fortune 50 executive coach Marshall Goldsmith writes, "What Got You Here Won't Get You There." The aptitude and attitude that got you your present position won't be enough to get you the next position, or the one after that.

The good news is that both aptitude and attitude can be developed.

Here’s how:

Building Aptitude:

• Continuous learning: Stay current with industry trends and best practices
• Seek challenging projects: Push yourself to grow technically
• Find mentors: Learn from those who excel in your field
• Practice deliberately: Focus on improving specific skills systematically

Developing Attitude:

• Self-awareness: Recognize how your behavior affects others
• Emotional regulation: Learn to manage your reactions and responses
• Active listening: Focus on understanding others before seeking to be understood
• Empathy: Try to see situations from others’ perspectives
• Gratitude: Appreciate the contributions and efforts of those around you

The Simple Truth: Life is Hard Enough

As I’ve learned through my own journey and the healing work I’ve done, life is inherently challenging.

We all face obstacles, setbacks, and difficulties.

But here’s the thing: life is harder if you’re a dick.

When you’re difficult to work with, you make every challenge bigger.

• You turn potential allies into adversaries.
• You transform collaborative opportunities into conflicts.
• You create unnecessary friction in situations that are already difficult enough.

The solution isn’t just about being nice—it’s about recognizing that your attitude is a choice that directly impacts your success and quality of life.

You can choose to be someone that others want to work with, support, and promote.

Or you can choose to go through life fighting unnecessary battles and wondering why opportunities pass you by.

The Choice is Yours

Success, happiness, and a life of quality aren’t reserved for the most technically skilled or naturally gifted.

They belong to those who combine competence with character, aptitude with attitude.

My construction career taught me both sides of this equation.

I experienced firsthand how toxic attitudes get perpetuated and normalized.

I also learned how much potential I was wasting by being difficult to work with, despite having solid technical skills.

The transformation didn’t happen overnight, and it required confronting some uncomfortable truths about myself and the environment I had been part of.

But through that process, I discovered that developing both pillars—being excellent at what you do AND being someone others want to work with—isn’t just about career advancement.

It’s about creating a life where work becomes more fulfilling, relationships become more meaningful, and opportunities multiply rather than diminish.

You have a choice every day about who you want to be and how you want to show up in the world.

You can focus solely on your technical skills and wonder why you’re not advancing.

You can rely only on being likable without developing real competence and watch your career stagnate.

Or you can commit to developing both aspects of your character and unlock the exponential potential that comes from combining aptitude with attitude.

Remember:

The choice is yours, and the time to make it is now.