The Keystone Habit That Changes Everything: Why One Good Habit Can Transform Your Life

For anyone that has trained on the mat for any extended period of time, they've learned that what they do off of the mat matters as much, if not more, than what they do on the mat.

One reason why I advocate for martial arts training is because it turned my life around.

I was a "functioning" alcoholic—"only" drinking Thursday, Friday, and Saturdays.

But boy, did I drink on those days, so much so that it often took me until Tuesday or even Wednesday to feel "normal" again.

And then Thursday would hit, work stress had built up, and I would ask my co-worker buddy, Tony, "Weekend Warm-up?"

He would laugh and nod his head, and off we went after work to our favorite places to get liquored up. I guess I should count myself lucky that I limited it to the "legal" vices.

But once I got serious about my Hapkido training in '92, all of that liquid libation had to stop—or at least seriously be less. And that's what I did.

It also changed my diet—eating better.

Changed my sleep—able to process emotional and mental stress with training partners and heavy bags, earning me a good night's sleep more often than not.

I also hung out with a different group of guys who, instead of my construction coworkers going to the strip clubs and sports bars, we were hanging out eating, watching the latest martial arts movies, debating martial arts techniques and strategies, and exercising even when not on the mat.

It literally turned my life around, and it's what I credit with me being able to be a foreman on big projects, navigating difficult challenges, working with other people, and being a foreman that my crew liked working for.

It also kept me in shape, making staying in shape as I got older easier—so much so that even the young guys on the BJJ mat are surprised, telling me how well I move and how strong my grips are for a 60-year-old small guy.

I just smile, but I have to admit I still get beat up, and recovery at 60 is a lot harder than it was in my 20s and 30s.

But that's life.

If you want to turn your life around, you need to build new habits. But not all habits are the same.

Find one good keystone habit and it could literally turn your life around.

Martial arts training is the one that worked for me, but it's not the only option.

The key is finding the keystone habit that works for you.

What Is a Keystone Habit?

The Concept

Charles Duhigg introduced the concept of keystone habits in his book The Power of Habit.​

A keystone habit is:

• A single habit that triggers a cascade of other positive changes
• Not necessarily the most important habit, but the one that creates the most downstream effects
• The domino that knocks down all the other dominoes

The power: Change one habit, and it naturally changes many others without requiring separate willpower for each.

Why Keystone Habits Work

1. They create structural changes in your life

• When you commit to a daily practice, you have to restructure your schedule
• This forces you to eliminate or reduce other activities
• Your daily rhythm changes

2. They create identity shifts

• "I'm a martial artist" or "I'm someone who exercises" is a different identity than "I'm a guy who drinks every weekend"
• Your identity influences every decision you make
• You start asking, "What would this version of me do?"

3. They create new social circles

• You spend time with different people
• Your peer group influences your behavior
• New friends reinforce new habits

4. They create momentum

• Small wins build confidence
• Confidence leads to more positive changes
• Success breeds success

5. They prove you can change

• Successfully changing one hard thing shows you can change other hard things
• It breaks the "I've always been this way" narrative
• It builds self-efficacy

The Most Powerful Keystone Habits

Not every habit is a keystone habit.

Here are the ones with the most powerful cascading effects:

1. Regular Exercise

What it triggers:

• Enhanced physical health
• Boosted mood and mental clarity
• Improved sleep quality
• Healthier eating habits (you don't want to waste your workout with junk food)
• Increased energy throughout the day
• Better stress management
• Improved self-image and confidence

Why it works:

• Immediate feedback—you feel better after working out
• Creates a competing commitment against destructive habits
• Builds discipline that transfers to other areas
• Often involves community (gym, classes, training partners)

The key: Consistency matters more than intensity. Better to exercise moderately 3-4 times per week than go hard once and burn out. For me, that exercise is martial arts training.​

2. Family Dinners

What it triggers:

• Strengthened family bonds
• Improved children's academic performance
• Fostered emotional stability
• Better communication within the family
• Healthier eating habits (home-cooked meals vs. fast food)
• Reduced behavioral problems in children
• Shared values and traditions

Why it works:

• Creates protected time for connection
• Establishes routine and structure
• Provides opportunity for difficult conversations in a safe setting
• Models healthy habits for children

The key: It doesn't have to be dinner—it's about consistent, device-free family time around food.

3. Making Your Bed​

What it triggers:

• Instills a sense of accomplishment first thing in the morning
• Promotes organization throughout your space
• Sets a positive tone for the day
• Creates a "completed task" that builds momentum
• Improves your bedroom environment
• Reinforces discipline

Why it works:

• Takes less than 2 minutes
• Provides immediate visible result
• First win of the day creates momentum for more wins
• Coming home to a made bed feels better than coming home to chaos

The key: This is about starting your day with a win, not about perfect hospital corners.

4. Planning Your Day​

What it triggers:

• Increased productivity
• Better prioritization of tasks
• Reduced stress by providing structure
• Fewer forgotten commitments
• More intentional time use
• Better work-life balance
• Reduced decision fatigue

Why it works:

• Moves you from reactive to proactive
• Creates clarity about what actually matters
• Prevents important things from being crowded out by urgent things
• Builds the habit of intentionality

The key: 10 minutes of planning saves hours of wandering. Do it the night before or first thing in the morning.

5. Mindfulness Meditation

What it triggers:

• Reduced stress and anxiety
• Enhanced focus and concentration
• Improved emotional regulation
• Better relationships (less reactive, more responsive)
• Increased self-awareness
• Better sleep
• Improved decision-making

Why it works:

• Teaches you to observe thoughts without being controlled by them
• Creates space between stimulus and response
• Reduces the automatic stress response
• Builds the "pause" muscle

The key: Start with just 5 minutes. Consistency beats duration.

6. Food Journaling

What it triggers:

• Increased awareness of eating habits
• Healthier food choices
• Weight management
• Better understanding of emotional eating
• Improved energy levels
• Better digestion (eating more mindfully)
• Reduced mindless snacking

Why it works:

• Awareness precedes change—you can't change what you don't track
• Makes unconscious habits conscious
• Creates accountability
• Reveals patterns you didn't know existed

The key: You don't need to count every calorie. Just write down what you eat. Awareness alone changes behavior.

7. Consistent Sleep Schedule

What it triggers:

• Improved overall health
• Enhanced cognitive function
• Boosted energy levels throughout the day
• Better mood regulation
• Improved physical recovery
• Better food choices (sleep deprivation increases cravings)
• Reduced stress
• Better immune function

Why it works:

• Sleep affects every other system in your body
• Consistent sleep/wake times regulate your circadian rhythm
• Better sleep = better everything else
• Creates structure that other habits can build around

The key: Same bedtime and wake time every day, even weekends. Your body loves routine.

​8. Martial Arts Training (My Personal Keystone)​

What it triggers:

• All the benefits of regular exercise, plus:
• Practical self-defense skills
• Learning to stay calm under pressure
• Community with shared values
• Philosophy and ethical framework
• Clear progression system (ranks/belts)
• Testing yourself against resistance
• Managing ego and fear
• Strong identity ("I'm a martial artist")

Why it works:

• Combines physical, mental, emotional, and social components
• Can't train hungover—forces lifestyle changes
• Training partners provide accountability
• Philosophy influences decisions across all life areas
• Skill development provides endless depth

The key: Find a school with good instruction and culture. The style matters less than the quality of teaching and community.

My Story: How Martial Arts Changed Everything

The Pattern

My old life looked like this:

Monday-Wednesday: Recovering from the weekend

• Feeling like shit Tuesday
• Finally feeling "normal" by Wednesday
• White-knuckling through work stress

Thursday: "Weekend Warm-up"

• Work stress has built up all week
• No healthy outlet for it
• Ask Tony, "Weekend Warm-up?"
• Off to get liquored up

Friday-Saturday: Full send

• Drinking heavily
• Strip clubs, sports bars, wherever
• Destroying my body
• Creating problems I'd have to deal with later

Sunday: Wreckage

• Hungover, laying in be until way past noon
• Regretful and feeling stupid
• Promising myself I'll change
• Not actually changing

Repeat.

The Underlying Issues

This pattern existed because:

• No healthy stress outlet: Work stress built up with nowhere to go
• Wrong social circle: Friends who reinforced destructive habits
• No competing identity: I wasn't a "martial artist" or "athlete"—I was a "construction worker who parties"
• No physical consequences that mattered enough: Hangovers sucked, but not enough to change
• No positive momentum: No wins to build on, just cycles of destruction and recovery

The drinking wasn't the core problem—it was a symptom.

The core problems were:

• Unmanaged stress
• Lack of purpose
• Wrong peer group
• No positive identity
• No structure or discipline

Trying to "quit drinking" without addressing these would have failed.

How Hapkido Training in '92 Solved It

Hapkido training didn't just give me a new hobby—it solved all the underlying issues:

1. Stress outlet:

• Training partners and heavy bags became my therapy
• Physical exhaustion replaced chemical escape
• I processed emotions through movement

2. New identity:

• "I'm a martial artist" replaced "I'm a construction worker who parties"
• This identity had different standards and expectations
• My behavior had to align with my identity

3. Different peer group:

• Training partners who valued improvement over intoxication
• Conversations about technique, not how wasted we got
• Positive peer pressure instead of destructive peer pressure

4. Structure and discipline:

• Training schedule created structure
• Had to show up consistently
• Couldn't show up destroyed

5. Competing priorities:

• Progress in martial arts mattered more than temporary escape
• I had something to protect (my training) that drinking threatened
• The choice became clear

I didn't need superhuman willpower to stop drinking. I just needed a better option that solved the real problems drinking was masking.

The Cascading Effects: What Changed

Physical Changes

Before:

• Hungover 3-4 days per week
• Poor diet
• Inconsistent sleep
• Aging fast
• Limited physical capacity

After:

• Minimal or controlled drinking
• Improved diet (fuel for performance)
• Better sleep (exhaustion from training + stress processing)
• Staying in shape became permanent
• At 60, still surprising young guys with movement and grip strength

Mental/Emotional Changes

Before:

• Stress managed through alcohol
• Emotional volatility
• Limited coping skills
• No real outlet for processing

After:

• Stress processed through training
• Emotional regulation improved
• Calm under pressure (learned from sparring)
• Healthy coping mechanisms

Social Changes

Before:

• Friends centered around drinking and partying
• Shallow relationships
• Peer group pulling me down

After:

• Training partners who lift me up
• Deep bonds from shared struggle
• Conversations about improvement, not destruction
• Peer group aligned with growth

Professional Changes

Before:

• Getting by, but not excelling
• Limited leadership capacity
• Stress affected performance

After:

• Became a foreman on big projects
• Navigated difficult challenges
• Worked effectively with people
• Built reputation as a leader people liked working for
• Discipline from mat transferred to job site

Identity Changes

Before:

• Construction worker who parties
• "Functioning" alcoholic
• No clear direction

After:

• Martial artist
• Leader
• Someone who handles hard things
• Someone who improves continuously

One keystone habit changed everything.

How to Choose Your Keystone Habit

The Four Questions

1. What problem am I actually trying to solve?

Don't just pick a habit because it sounds good. What's the core issue?

• Stress? → Exercise, meditation, martial arts
• Disconnection from family? → Family dinners
• Lack of direction? → Daily planning
• Poor health? → Sleep schedule, food journaling, exercise
• Chaos and disorder? → Making your bed, daily planning

2. What competing commitment would this create?

The best keystone habits make destructive habits harder:

• Can't train hungover → Reduces drinking
• Can't have family dinner if you're at the bar → Reduces time wasting
• Can't meditate effectively if you're stressed about unplanned day → Forces planning
• Can't perform well without sleep → Forces better sleep habits

3. What identity shift would this create?

Pick a habit that comes with an identity you want:

• "I'm an athlete"
• "I'm a martial artist"
• "I'm someone who prioritizes family"
• "I'm organized and intentional"
• "I'm healthy and fit"

4. What's sustainable for me right now?

Be honest about your current capacity:

• If you're overwhelmed: Start with making your bed or 5 minutes of meditation
• If you have moderate capacity: Add exercise or family dinners
• If you're ready for deep change: Commit to martial arts or a comprehensive practice

The key: Start with ONE. Master it before adding another.

How to Implement Your Keystone Habit

The First 30 Days

Week 1: Make it stupid easy

• Making your bed: Just pull the covers up
• Exercise: 10-minute walk
• Meditation: 2 minutes
• Family dinner: One night per week
• Planning: Write down your top 3 tasks
• Food journal: Just write what you ate, no judgment
• Sleep schedule: Same bedtime, even if you can't sleep

Week 2: Add slightly more structure

• Making your bed: Add pillow arrangement
• Exercise: 15-20 minutes
• Meditation: 5 minutes
• Family dinner: Two nights per week
• Planning: Evening review + morning preview
• Food journal: Add how you felt after eating
• Sleep schedule: Same bedtime AND wake time

Week 3: Build consistency

• Focus on not missing days
• The habit itself matters more than how well you do it
• Showing up beats perfection

Week 4: Notice the cascading effects

• What else has changed?
• What feels easier?
• What new habits are emerging naturally?

Troubleshooting

"I keep forgetting"

• Set alarms/reminders
  • Use your phone constructively instead of mindlessly scrolling: let it remind you, keep your notes of what to do, let it be your accountability partner
• Stack it with an existing habit
• Make it visible (put your workout clothes out)

"I don't have time"

• You have time for what you prioritize
• What are you willing to give up?
• Start smaller (5 minutes is better than nothing)

"I'm not seeing results"

• Keystone habits take 6-12 weeks to show full cascading effects
• Track consistently, not results
• Trust the process

"I fell off"

• Doesn't matter. Start again today.
• Missing once is human. Missing twice is a choice.
• Never miss twice in a row.

The Compounding Effect

Here's what happens over time:

Month 1

• The habit feels hard
• You're relying on willpower
• Few noticeable changes
• Requires active effort

Month 3

• The habit feels more natural
• First cascading effects appear
• Other habits start changing without direct effort
• Identity begins to shift

Month 6

• The habit is automatic
• Multiple cascading effects are clear
• Your life looks noticeably different
• New identity is solidifying

Year 1

• The habit is part of who you are
• Cascading effects have cascaded further
• Your life has transformed in ways you didn't predict
• You can't imagine going back

Years 2-5

• Compounding effects accelerate
• Benefits multiply across all life areas
• The person you've become is unrecognizable from where you started
• New opportunities emerge from your new identity

This is how one habit changes everything.

Why It Matters at 60 (And Beyond)

I'm 60 now. I still train BJJ. Young guys are surprised by how I move, by my grip strength, by my endurance.

But here's the truth: I'm not special.

What I did:

• Started a keystone habit (Hapkido) in my 20s, June of 1987 when I was 21 to be exact
• Let it cascade into better diet, sleep, stress management, social circle
• Stayed consistent for decades
• Never stopped

The result:

• At 60, I'm in better shape than most 40-year-olds
• I recover slower than I did at 25, but I still recover
• I have decades of skill and wisdom from consistent practice
• The discipline transfers to every area of life

The alternative:

• If I'd stayed on the drinking path, I'd be broken by now
• Liver problems, relationship problems, career problems
• Or dead

One keystone habit, started in your 20s and maintained over the years, creates a completely different life at 60.

And it's not too late to start today, regardless of your age.

Conclusion: Find Your Keystone

If you want to turn your life around, you need to build new habits.

But not all habits are the same.

Find one good keystone habit and it could literally turn your life around.

For me, it was martial arts training.

It solved my drinking problem, my stress problem, my social problem, my health problem, my discipline problem—all without directly addressing any of them.

For you, it might be:

• Regular exercise that boosts your mood and improves your sleep
• Family dinners that strengthen your relationships
• Making your bed that sets a positive tone for each day
• Planning your day that reduces stress and increases productivity
• Meditation that helps you respond instead of react
• Food journaling that makes you aware of your patterns
• A consistent sleep schedule that improves everything else
• Or martial arts training, if you're drawn to it like I was

The key is finding the ONE habit that:

• Solves your core problem (not just the symptom)
• Creates a competing commitment against your destructive habits
• Shifts your identity in the direction you want to go
• Triggers cascading positive changes across multiple life areas
• Is sustainable for you right now

Then commit to it.

Not for a week. Not for a month.

For long enough that it becomes who you are.

One habit. Cascading changes. A transformed life.

That's the power of keystone habits.

What's yours?