How to Win Every Argument and Build Better Connections

What if I told you the secret to winning every argument isn’t about being right?

It’s not about shouting louder, knowing more, or crafting the perfect comeback.

It’s something much simpler—and far more powerful.

It’s curiosity.

Yes, the kind of curiosity you had as a kid when you wanted to know why the sky is blue or how planes stay in the air.

That same openness and genuine interest hold the key to unlocking better conversations, deeper understanding, and—ironically—winning arguments.

Here’s the truth most people don’t want to admit.

They don’t lose arguments because their logic is flawed or their points aren’t valid.

They lose because they’re more interested in being heard than in understanding.

If that stings a little, good.

It’s the first step toward becoming the kind of person who wins not just arguments, but respect, connection, and influence.

The Classic Mistake:
Talking Without Listening

Picture this.

A heated debate unfolds at a family dinner.

One person launches into a speech about their beliefs, rattling off facts and figures.

The other person fires back, equally passionate.

Voices rise, tempers flare, and by the end of it, everyone’s frustrated—and nothing’s been resolved.

Sound familiar?

This happens all the time.

People jump into discussions armed with their “piece,” ready to fire away, convinced they need to be heard first.

They listen just long enough to form their next rebuttal, waiting for the other person to stop talking so they can jump back in.

But here’s the thing.

Communication isn’t about taking turns to speak.

It’s about creating understanding.

​Stephen Covey nailed this in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People with Habit 5:

But what does “seeking to understand” really mean?

It’s not just about nodding politely while the other person talks.

It’s about diving into their perspective as if you’re stepping into their shoes, walking around in their world, and seeing things the way they do.

Curiosity as a Superpower

Let’s flip the script.

Imagine the same dinner table argument, but this time, instead of firing back, one person leans in and asks:

• “Why do you feel that way?”
• “Can you tell me more about what led you to that conclusion?”
• “What’s the most important part of this to you?”

Suddenly, the energy in the room shifts.

The other person relaxes.

They feel heard.

And as they explain their side, something magical happens: walls come down.

Curiosity is disarming.

It tells the other person, “I’m not here to attack you; I’m here to understand you.”

It’s the conversational equivalent of lowering your sword and offering an open hand.

This doesn’t mean you agree with them.

It doesn’t mean you’ll change your mind.

But it does mean you’re willing to meet them where they are, to see the world through their eyes, even if just for a moment.

Why Most People Resist Curiosity

So why don’t more people do this?

Because it’s hard.

Curiosity requires humility.

It forces you to admit you don’t have all the answers.

And for most people, that’s terrifying.

It’s much easier to be critical, to find the flaws in someone else’s argument, to build walls around your own beliefs and defend them at all costs.

Criticism is a shield—it protects your ego.

But curiosity?

Curiosity is vulnerable.

It means saying, “Maybe I don’t know everything. Maybe there’s something I haven’t considered. Maybe I’m wrong.”

And that’s scary.

But it’s also where growth happens.

The Fun Side of Curiosity

Here’s the thing: Curiosity isn’t just a tool for winning arguments or navigating tough conversations.

It’s also a lot of fun.

When you approach life with curiosity, everything becomes an adventure.

• That coworker who drives you crazy? Ask yourself: What’s their story? What motivates them?
• That stranger at the coffee shop with the odd choice of footwear? Why did they pick those shoes?
• That topic you know nothing about but always hear people arguing over? What if you took 30 minutes to actually learn about it?

Curiosity turns the mundane into the extraordinary.

It transforms people from obstacles into puzzles.

It makes the world bigger, richer, and more interesting.

How Curiosity Changes Conversations

Here’s a real-world example.

Let’s say you’re in a debate about a controversial topic.

Instead of arguing, try this:

1. Start with questions. Ask, “Can you help me understand your perspective?” or “What’s your biggest concern about this issue?”
2. Mirror their language. If they say, “I just think it’s unfair,” respond with, “It sounds like fairness is really important to you. Can you tell me more about that?”
3. Look for common ground. Even if you disagree on 99% of the issue, there’s almost always a sliver of agreement. Find it, and build from there.

When you do this, two things happen:

1. The other person feels respected and valued.
2. You gain insights you wouldn’t have found otherwise.

It’s a win-win.

And ironically, by showing curiosity, you often end up being the one who influences the conversation the most.

The Real Payoff:
Personal Growth

Here’s where curiosity becomes a game-changer.

It’s not just about winning arguments or being a better conversationalist. It’s about becoming a better person.

When you approach life with curiosity, you grow.

You learn more, see more, and understand more.

You develop empathy, patience, and wisdom.

And here’s the kicker: The more curious you are, the less critical you become—not just of others, but of yourself.

You stop beating yourself up for not having all the answers.

You stop seeing mistakes as failures and start seeing them as opportunities to learn.

You become more open, more adaptable, and more resilient.

In short, curiosity doesn’t just change conversations.

It changes you.

It's not about teaching or changing others, they're on their own path.

It's about changing yourself.

Be Curious, Not Critical

Being curious instead of critical isn’t about being soft.

It’s about being strong enough to seek understanding before judgment, to ask questions before making assumptions, and to approach life with an open mind instead of a closed fist.

It’s not easy.

It requires humility, patience, and a willingness to let go of the need to always be right.

But the rewards are worth it: better relationships, deeper connections, and a richer understanding of the world around you.

So the next time you find yourself in a heated conversation, try this: Pause.

Breathe.

And get curious.

Ask yourself:

Because the truth is, the people who “win” at life aren’t the ones who know the most.

They’re the ones who are willing to learn the most.

And that starts with curiosity.

P.S. If you found this content helpful, I have a favor to ask.

Actually two of them, a selfish one and a not-so-selfish one.

First the selfish one, if this was helpful to you, forward it to someone you think it might help. That helps me to grow my reach.

Now the not-selfish one, the one thing I learned on the mat and on the job was that the most successful leaders were not the ones who knew the most but were the ones who applied and taught the most.

So, if you want to be a better leader, do two things, take immediate action on what you learned today AND share it with someone else. You'll look badass, I promise you.

Also, if you have any questions, comments or suggestions, hit me up, reply to this email and let me know what's going on and how I can help you to be a better warrior, leader, and badass.

Thank you, I appreciate you being here in The Daily Dojo, you can learn more at CharlesDoublet.com​