The Savage and the Man Who Wouldn’t Flinch

There is a stare-down in MMA that I can watch over and over again.

Wanderlei Silva and Mirko Cro Cop. PRIDE 20. April 28, 2002.

​Wanderlei is doing what Wanderlei did.

He is bouncing. Moving. Staring. Coming forward with that feral energy that made him one of the most intimidating fighters of his era.

His nickname was The Axe Murderer, and he carried himself like the nickname was not marketing.

He wanted you to feel him before the fight started.

And across from him is Mirko Cro Cop.

Almost nothing.

Wanderlei moves to one side. Mirko’s eyes follow him.

Wanderlei shifts the other way. Mirko’s eyes follow him again.

No puffing up.

No dancing back.

No attempt to out-crazy the crazy guy.

Just a look.

The two men fought that night in a special-rules bout that went to a draw.

Now, I need to be careful here.

I do not know what Mirko was thinking.

Neither do you.

Wanderlei later claimed that Cro Cop looked nervous and scared before the fight. If we are being intellectually honest, we cannot take a facial expression from an old fight clip and pretend we know another man’s internal emotional state.

But that is almost beside the point.

Because what the moment represents to me is bigger than what either man may have been thinking.

It is the moment intimidation meets someone who refuses to let intimidation make the decision for him.

I think that is another side of character.

Not leadership.

Not command.

Not getting other people to follow you.

Sometimes character is simply refusing to be led somewhere you did not choose to go.

You do not always defeat intimidation by becoming more intimidating.

Sometimes you defeat it by becoming immovable.

The Equation Turned Around

I recently wrote about Gen. Stanley McChrystal’s framework for character.

He opens On Character with an equation:

McChrystal describes convictions as deeply held, pressure-tested beliefs and discipline as the ability to consistently act in accordance with them.

Put them together and character becomes visible.

Most of the time, we talk about that equation as something that helps a person lead.

Conviction gives you something to stand for.

Discipline gives you the consistency to be followed.

Together they make you the kind of person others trust enough to get behind.

But the equation works in both directions.

Conviction and discipline are not only what allow you to lead. They are also what keep you from being led by the wrong thing.

The same internal structure that makes you worth following also makes you harder to push around.

Fear can lead you.

Status can lead you.

Social pressure can lead you.

A bully can lead you.

A boss can lead you somewhere you know you should not go.

A bigger guy on the mat can lead you into panic.

A loud person in a meeting can lead everyone else into silence.

And sometimes all of that happens without a single direct order being given.

Somebody creates enough pressure that everyone around him begins adjusting.

They talk differently.

They stand differently.

They change what they were going to say.

They start calculating what will keep the aggressive person calm.

And now the aggressive person is leading the room.

Not because anyone chose him.

Because everyone surrendered their nervous system to him.

Cro Cop Was Not Just Another Tough Guy

There is a reason the stare-down carries more weight than a typical stare-down.

Mirko Filipović was not just another fighter with a scary nickname invented by a promoter.

“Cro Cop” came from Croatian Cop.

Before becoming one of the most feared kickboxers and MMA fighters in the world, he served as a member of Croatia’s elite Lučko Anti-Terrorist Unit.​

That is verified.

What is not verified, at least from the public sources I can find, is whether Mirko ever killed anyone in the line of duty or exactly what dangerous operations he personally participated in.

I do not need to make that up.

The verified facts are enough.

He trained and served as a member of an elite counterterrorist police unit.

Whatever his specific assignments were, that is a very different environment from learning composure only inside a sporting arena.

That matters.

So when I watch that stare-down, I am not seeing a man who necessarily knows he is tougher than Wanderlei.

I am seeing a man who looks as though another man’s performance is not enough to dictate his state.

And maybe that is what real toughness looks like more often than we realize.

Not louder.

Not crazier.

Not more threatening.

Harder to move.

The Bully Needs Your Reaction

That is what intimidation really exploits.

Reaction.

The bully does not necessarily need you to obey.

He just needs to make you react on his terms.

• Back down.
• Get angry.
• Get defensive.
• Try to prove yourself.
• Explain yourself when no explanation is owed.
• Lash out and become exactly the kind of person he is.

Either way, he has moved you.

That is why the Cro Cop stare-down sticks with me.

Wanderlei is moving.

Mirko is not being moved.

Most of the intimidation we deal with is not happening in a ring.

• It is the boss who uses anger to shut down disagreement;
• The training partner who turns every round into a dominance contest;
• The family member everyone tiptoes around;
• And the person in a meeting who interrupts until everyone decides it is easier to let him have the floor.

Over time, entire groups can organize themselves around one person’s inability to regulate himself.

That is fascinating when you think about it.

The least disciplined person in the room can become the person controlling the room because everyone else starts adapting around his lack of discipline.

His anger determines the conversation.

His mood determines what gets discussed.

His threats determine what everyone else is willing to risk.

He becomes the leader without ever earning leadership.

And everybody else helps him do it.

Not because they are weak.

Often because they are trying to be reasonable.

They are trying to avoid unnecessary conflict.

They are trying to keep the project moving.

Those are good instincts.

Until accommodation becomes surrender.

Then somebody eventually has to stop moving.

Not attack.

Not puff up.

Not humiliate him.

Just stop surrendering ground that should not have been surrendered in the first place.

And sometimes the most powerful thing that person can say is:

Or:

Or:

Or:

And sometimes nothing at all.

Sometimes the answer is simply not flinching.

Not Being Moved Is Not the Same as Being Stubborn

There is a trap here.

If you hear “do not let anyone tell you what to do” and turn that into a life philosophy, you can become an asshole very quickly.

I spent thirty-five years in construction.

If the foreman tells you to shut off the circuit before you work on it, character does not mean saying:

Nobody tells me what to do.

If your instructor tells you that you are making a technical mistake, conviction does not mean refusing to listen.

If your wife tells you that something you did hurt her, discipline does not mean planting your feet and defending your original position forever.

That is not character. That is ego wearing work boots.

The point is not that nobody gets to influence you.

The point is that influence does not get to bypass your judgment.

You can:

• listen;
• change your mind;
• follow somebody else’s lead;
• obey a legitimate order;
• admit you were wrong;
• even back down.

But those should be choices.

Not reflexes forced out of you because somebody else became louder, scarier, bigger, richer, more senior, or more aggressive.

Conviction gives you something inside yourself to stand on.

Discipline keeps you standing there long enough to decide what comes next.

Discipline Gives Conviction a Body

Anybody can imagine themselves standing up to a bully.

That is easy.

You sit at home and replay the conversation.

• Next time I am going to tell him.
• Next time I will not back down.
• Next time I am going to say exactly what I think.

That is conviction in the imagination.

Then the moment arrives.

Your heart rate goes up.

Your mouth gets dry.

He is bigger than you.

He has more authority.

Other people are watching.

There may be money involved.

There may be consequences.

Now we find out whether conviction has discipline attached to it.

That is why McChrystal’s multiplication sign matters so much.

Conviction without discipline can become fantasy.

You know what you believe, but you cannot access it when the pressure arrives.

Discipline is what gives your conviction a body.

It lets you:

• slow down;
• breathe;
• listen;
• think;
• choose your words;
• hold your posture;
• resist the urge to either collapse or explode.

That last part matters.

Because intimidation can make you submissive.

But it can also make you reckless.

If Wanderlei’s energy makes you lose your mind and charge forward just to prove you are not scared, he still moved you.

He still dictated the terms.

Not being bullied does not mean matching aggression with aggression.

Sometimes that is exactly what the bully wants.

The deeper discipline is staying yourself.

Who Cannot Be Led by Fear

Maybe that is the version of character I find most interesting now.

A person who can be led by reason, but not by fear.

Led by evidence, but not status.

Led by principle, but not pressure.

Led by someone who has earned trust, but not somebody who merely demands submission.

That person is not impossible to influence.

Actually, I think the strongest people are often easier to influence with a good argument because they do not have to defend an identity built around always being right.

But intimidation has fewer handles to grab.

That is different.

You do not need to become the toughest guy in the room.

You do not need to become Wanderlei.

You do not need everyone else to know how dangerous you are.

You need enough conviction to know where you stand.

And enough discipline to stay there while the other person tries to move you.

Then you can decide.

Maybe you stay.

Maybe you leave.

Maybe you speak.

Maybe you listen.

Maybe you change your mind.

Maybe you do not.

The important thing is that the decision is still yours.

Not because you are stubborn.

Because you are still the one holding the pen.

The Stare

Go back and watch that old clip.​

Wanderlei moves.

Cro Cop watches.

Wanderlei shifts.

Cro Cop watches.

All that energy on one side and what looks like almost no wasted energy on the other.

Again, I do not know what either man felt inside.

I do not need to.

The image is enough.

One man appears to be trying to impose a state.

The other appears unwilling to accept it.

That is what I want to take from the moment.

Not how to win a stare-down.

Not how to become intimidating.

Not how to act like a badass.

How to remain the owner of yourself when someone else is trying to take possession.

The world has plenty of people willing to tell you:

• what to think;
• what to say;
• what to tolerate;
• when to shut up;
• when to move;
• where your place is.

Some of them have legitimate authority.

Some have earned your trust.

Listen to them.

But some have not.

Character is knowing the difference.

Conviction gives you the line.

Discipline keeps you from crossing it just because somebody scary tells you to.

Sometimes leadership begins before anybody follows you.

Sometimes it is one young apprentice surrounded by older men who simply says what everyone else is afraid to say.

Sometimes it is a white belt who refuses to panic.

Sometimes it is an employee who calmly tells the boss the truth.

Sometimes it is a man standing across from The Axe Murderer and refusing to look away.

You do not have to dominate the room.

You just have to make sure the room does not dominate you.

⚔ The Dojo Drill

Today’s training:

The Fear List

Write down 3 fears you’ve been avoiding.

Take one small action toward one today.

📚 Leader’s Library

​On Character by General Stanley McChrystal​

Why?

McChrystal examines character as something built through the choices we repeatedly make and the discipline to live according to the standards we claim to believe in.

That raises a harder question than simply asking whether we have good values:

Do our actions actually match them?

It is easy to meet the standard when the boss is watching, the instructor is standing there, or somebody is keeping score.

Character gets more interesting after they leave.

Eventually the external standard has to become your standard.

That is when you find out who you are becoming.

P.S. Know a martial arts gym owner who’s stressed about money or student numbers?

Do them a favor: send them to The Leader's Dōjō, my website where I help owners get more students and keep them longer with simple systems.

One forward from you could change their gym: The Leader's Dōjō​

Chuck