Train Smarter, Fight Stronger:
Mastering the +, -, & = Strategy for Success

A few weeks ago, after a tough noon class at Meraki, one of the purple belts pulled me aside.

"Hey," he said, still catching his breath, "your ability to survive attacks is getting really good."

I nodded, a little proud. Defense is life, especially when you're smaller, older, and lighter than most people on the mat.

"But," he continued, "I've noticed something else too."

He paused, almost like he didn’t want to say it.

"You keep rolling with the upper belts— brown belts, and other purples—but not as much with the white and blue belts."

I started explaining. First, rolling with less experienced guys can be more dangerous for me physically — less control, more chaotic movement, a higher risk of injury.

Second, I genuinely enjoy seeing how much pressure I can endure against skilled opponents. I feel it builds resilience and humility.

He nodded. "I get it. I used to do the same thing. It’s great for defense... but there’s a hidden cost."

"What cost?" I asked.

I stood there, sweaty and silent, because I knew he was right.

He then gave me a piece of advice that hit me like a sharp jab:

And in that moment, something shifted.
Not just for my training...
But for how I saw life itself.

Maybe you're falling into the same trap — working hard, enduring hardship — but not learning how to lead and win.

It’s time to change that.

Understanding the +, -, & = Rule

The +, -, & = Rule is simple on paper but profound in practice:

• + (Plus): Someone better than you. You learn by observing, enduring, and absorbing.
• - (Minus): Someone less experienced. You learn by teaching, leading, and guiding.
• = (Equal): Someone at your level. You learn by challenging and testing yourself fairly.

When you have the right mixture of these three types in your training — and in your life — you grow in all directions:

• You absorb strength and wisdom from your +s.
• You build skill and confidence by working with your -s.
• You hone your timing, sensitivity, and adaptability with your =s.

In short, the +, -, & = model is a growth multiplier — but only if you use it wisely.

Where Most People Go Wrong

Most young men today naturally gravitate toward only the +s.

They chase mentors. They admire experts. They hunger for being close to greatness.

And while that's a noble impulse, it often becomes a trap.

• You’re always on defense.
• You’re always learning but never leading.
• You’re always absorbing but never asserting.

And in life, just like in BJJ, if you only learn how to survive but not how to lead, you stay stuck.

Defense keeps you alive.
Offense moves you forward.

You need both.

The New 80/20 Strategy for Growth

The purple belt's advice crystalized something important:

Spend 80% of your time training with =s and -s, and 20% with +s.

Why?

Because:

• With -s, you learn to lead.​
  You practice imposing your will in a controlled, respectful way. You sharpen your attacks. You build initiative and strategic confidence.
• With =s, you learn to feel.​
  You detect tiny windows of opportunity. You learn timing. You become sensitive to shifts in energy and dynamic flow.
• With +s, you learn to endure.​
  You build resilience, humility, and patience by weathering storms you can’t fully control yet.

If you skew too heavily toward +s, you become durable but passive.
If you skew too heavily toward -s, you become overconfident but brittle.

And if you only train with =s, you risk plateauing without real growth.

The magic happens when you deliberately balance it.

80% active learning (leading and feeling)
20% passive learning (absorbing and surviving)

Why This Matters Off the Mat Too

This isn’t just about Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.

It’s about life.

Ask yourself:

• Are you only surrounding yourself with people who are better than you... but never stepping up to lead others?
• Are you only seeking mentors... but never mentoring anyone?
• Are you only watching... but not creating?
• Are you only surviving... but not imposing your vision on the world?

If so, you’re trapped in the + mentality.

You’re stuck in passive survival mode.

And survival alone won't make you a warrior, a leader, or a badass.

To truly grow, you must take action — not just react to others.

You must lead, guide, and impose your will on reality with skill and sensitivity.

You must train all parts of yourself: defense, offense, sensitivity.

Otherwise, life will roll over you like a black belt sweeping a lazy white belt.

Tactical Steps to Apply the 80/20 Strategy

Here’s how you can start applying this principle today, both on and off the mat:

1. Audit Your Circle: List out the people you spend the most time with. Are they mostly +s, -s, or =s? Adjust accordingly.
2. Set Training Intentions: When you train (in BJJ, in business, in life), set specific goals:
   • With -s: Practice your leadership and initiation skills.
   • With =s: Work on your timing and sensitivity.
   • With +s: Practice patience and survival without panic.
3. Mentor Someone: Take on someone newer or less experienced. Teach them what you know. It will sharpen your own understanding.
4. Compete Fairly: Engage with equals where victory is possible but not guaranteed. This builds true competence and courage.
5. Endure Challenges: Seek out challenges from +s to keep your humility and resilience alive, but don't live there.
6. Track Your Progress: Reflect weekly. How much time did you spend leading, creating, and attacking? How much time just enduring?

This deliberate mix creates a powerful loop:
​Survive → Lead → Feel → Survive again, stronger.

Over time, you won't just survive anymore.

You’ll thrive.

Putting It On the Mat

That night after my conversation with the purple belt, I sat on my bike outside the gym, exhausted.

I thought about all the years where I played myself small and I spent just "surviving" — not just in BJJ but in life.

Growing up smaller than most kids, barely scraping by in high school, working brutal construction jobs — surviving became second nature.

Endure the day.
Endure the bullies.
Endure the work.

And in many ways, that toughness served me.

But somewhere along the way, survival became my default.

Not leading. Not creating. Just enduring.

Sitting there in the dim parking lot light, I realized something:

If all you do is survive, you're not living — you're just waiting.

Waiting for someone to save you.
Waiting for someone to give you a break.
Waiting for life to finally get easier.

But it never does.

It’s not supposed to.

Life rewards those who take action.
Life favors those who impose their will with grace and strength.
Life honors those who can both endure and lead.

The next day, I changed my approach.

I started rolling more with the white belts and blue belts.
I started looking for moments to attack, not just survive.
I started practicing leadership, not just endurance.

And something wild happened.

I got better.

Fast.

Not just technically.
But mentally.

I started trusting myself more.
I started seeing windows of opportunity I never noticed before.
I started living more boldly, both on and off the mat.

And that’s what I want for you too.

You’re not here just to survive.
You’re here to live.
To lead.
To build something out of the raw material of your life.

So here's your action for today:

Action Step:

Audit your life using the +, -, = model.

• Where are you too passive?
• Where are you failing to lead?
• Where are you failing to attack?

Then make a shift:

Spend 80% of your time building, creating, and leading.

Spend 20% of your time enduring, learning, and absorbing.

Flip the script.

Use your training partners — and your life experiences — wisely.

Because at the end of the day, the world doesn't belong to the survivors.

It belongs to the ones who survive and lead.

It belongs to the warriors.

It belongs to the leaders.

It belongs to the badasses.

Time to put it on the mat.

Are you sicked and tired of being surrounded by losers, lemmings and Luddites?

Then join the Leader's Dojo, where you not only discover how badass you are but you're surrounded by other badass warriors and leaders who will help you to be even better.

​Join now here!​