Why Most People Struggle in Life—and What to Do About It

The Illusion of "Doing Your Best Under Pressure"

A couple weeks ago, I was talking with one of the baristas at my favorite cafe. Great kid—smart, professional, reliable. They're working their way through school, pursuing a career path they actually care about. Everything about them says: "They've got a shot."

But then they said something that stopped me in my tracks.

"I procrastinate a lot," they confessed, a little sheepishly. "But I do my best work when I’m under the gun."

I chuckled. Not because it was funny, but because I’ve heard it before—too many times.

On construction sites. From coworkers. Even friends and family. That same phrase, like some twisted badge of honor:

But here’s the problem: How do you know?

Usually they base it on the grade they got, or the fact that they made the deadline.

Not the quality they could have created if they had started earlier, gone deeper, or refined the details. Not the version that required time, thought, and craft.

The truth is: pressure doesn’t bring out your best work. It brings out your fastest work.

And speed isn't the same as excellence.

Why We Default to Pressure Over Discipline

Most people need an external force to get moving. A boss. A deadline. A crisis. Something to light a fire under them.

It's the classic human condition: wait until the pain of not acting outweighs the pain of acting.

But here’s the thing most people don’t want to admit:

We’ve been conditioned since school to respond to deadlines. Assignments, due dates, tests.

Everything has a timer on it. You don’t do the reading until the night before. You cram. You coast.

Then you graduate and life removes the clock.

No one’s checking your homework anymore. Nobody cares if you start your side hustle, finish your book, go to the gym, or fix your relationship.

There’s no teacher handing out Fs.

Just time, slowly ticking by.

If you don’t build internal discipline, you will unconsciously create crisis.

Understanding the Hidden Psychology Behind "Pressure Performance"

The Neurological Reality of Pressure

When we work under pressure, our brain releases stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline.

These chemicals create a heightened state of focus and energy that feels productive.

It's similar to how a gazelle can run faster when being chased by a lion than it could during casual grazing. The gazelle isn't suddenly "better at running"—it's just accessing emergency reserves.

The problem is that humans have learned to mistake this emergency state for peak performance.

It's like thinking you're a better driver because you can swerve to avoid an accident. The swerving might save your life, but it's not sustainable driving technique.

Think of it this way: imagine you had a car that only started when you poured gasoline directly on the engine and lit it on fire. Yes, the car would start, and yes, you'd get where you needed to go.

But you'd be slowly destroying the engine, creating unnecessary danger, and limiting yourself to short trips only.

This is exactly what happens when we rely on pressure to perform. We're literally burning our mental and emotional resources to create artificial urgency.

The School System's Unintended Conditioning

Our educational system, while well-intentioned, inadvertently trains us to be pressure-responsive rather than self-directed.

From kindergarten through college, external deadlines drive almost all meaningful work.

Students learn to gauge their effort not by their internal standards of excellence, but by external requirements and timeframes.

Consider this progression: a student spends roughly 16-20 years (including graduate school for many) learning that work happens in response to external demands.

That's two decades of neural pathway reinforcement. The brain literally develops around this pattern, creating what psychologists call "external locus of control."

When these students enter the working world, especially in entrepreneurial or creative fields, they suddenly find themselves in an environment with fewer external pressures.

Without the familiar structure of deadlines and grades, many people unconsciously create crisis situations to trigger their familiar performance patterns.

This is why so many talented people seem to sabotage themselves. They're not actually self-sabotaging—they're trying to recreate the only performance environment their brain knows how to use effectively.

Discipline Is Not a Personality Trait—It’s a System

Discipline is not something you’re born with.

It’s something you build.

When I was a foreman on billion-dollar job sites, nobody was coming to check if I planned the day. Nobody asked if I reviewed the blueprints the night before. But if I didn’t, we wasted tens of thousands of dollars and weeks of schedule.

So I created my own system.

Every Sunday for over 30 years, I sat down with a pen and a journal and asked myself three questions:

1. Where am I?
2. How did I get here?
3. Where do I want to go?

Week after week. Month after month. Year after year.

That system gave me clarity, alignment, and power. It allowed me to course-correct before disaster struck. To get ahead of problems before they turned into fires.

Discipline isn’t about being a machine.

It’s about checking in before the world checks you out.

Think of discipline like water flowing downhill. Water doesn't "choose" to flow downhill—it follows the path of least resistance that gravity creates.

Similarly, disciplined behavior happens when you create environmental and mental "gravity" that pulls you toward good choices.

Here's a practical framework for building this gravitational pull:

The Three Pillars of Systematic Discipline:

Pillar One: Environmental Design Your environment should make good choices automatic and bad choices inconvenient. If you want to read more, place books in every room and put your phone in a drawer.

If you want to exercise, lay out your workout clothes the night before and make your gym bag the first thing you see in the morning.

A restaurant doesn't rely on willpower to serve good food—they design their kitchen so that following the recipe is easier than improvising. Your life should work the same way.

Pillar Two: Rhythmic Accountability My Sunday journaling practice works because it creates a regular rhythm of self-reflection. This isn't about self-criticism—it's about creating a feedback loop that keeps me aligned with my values and goals before I drift too far off course.

Think of this like a GPS system for your life. A GPS doesn't judge you for taking a wrong turn—it simply recalculates and provides new directions.

Weekly reflection serves the same function for your personal and professional development.

Pillar Three: Identity-Based Habits Instead of focusing on what you want to achieve, focus on who you want to become.

Instead of "I want to write a book," think "I am someone who writes daily."

Instead of "I want to get in shape," think "I am someone who moves their body every day."

This shift is powerful because it aligns your actions with your identity rather than your goals. Goals can be achieved and then abandoned, but identity is ongoing.

A writer writes, whether they feel like it or not, because that's who they are.

Procrastination Is Not Laziness—It’s Avoidance of Emotion

Here’s what most people get wrong about procrastination: it’s not about time management.

It’s about emotional regulation.

That barista isn’t lazy. Most procrastinators aren’t. They’re afraid.

• Afraid of not doing it perfectly.
• Afraid of what others will think.
• Afraid of wasting time.
• Afraid of success and what it might mean.

So instead of facing the work, they avoid the feeling.

The real work isn’t just the task.

It’s learning to sit in discomfort.

You want to beat procrastination?

Don’t just plan better. Build emotional tolerance.

Learn to:

• Sit with fear without reacting.
• Work without inspiration.
• Show up without needing to feel ready.

This is why martial arts saved me.

On the mat, you don’t wait to feel ready. You show up and get choked out, and then show up again.

Discipline is forged in the fire of discomfort.

The Emotional Landscape of Procrastination

Understanding Avoidance Patterns

Procrastination is about emotional avoidance, but let's explore this more deeply.

Procrastination often serves as a protective mechanism against several specific fears:

Fear of Inadequacy: "What if I try my best and it's still not good enough? At least if I procrastinate, I have an excuse for poor performance."

Fear of Success: "What if I succeed and then people expect this level of performance from me all the time? What if I can't maintain it?"

Fear of Judgment: "What if people criticize my work? What if they think I'm pretentious for trying?"

Fear of Commitment: "Once I start this seriously, I'll have to see it through. What if I want to quit later?"

These fears are like invisible walls that keep us from engaging fully with our work.

The key is not to eliminate these fears (which is impossible) but to develop the emotional resilience to act despite them.

Building Emotional Tolerance Through Progressive Exposure

Just as you build physical strength by gradually increasing weight, you build emotional tolerance by gradually increasing your exposure to discomfort.

This is why martial arts training is transformative—it provides a structured environment for practicing discomfort tolerance.

Here's how to apply this principle outside the martial arts context:

Start with Micro-Discomforts: Begin by sitting with small uncomfortable feelings for short periods.

When you feel the urge to check your phone, wait 30 seconds before acting.

When you want to skip a workout, do just five minutes instead of nothing.

Practice Emotional Labeling: When you notice avoidance behavior, pause and identify the specific emotion you're trying to avoid. "I'm procrastinating because I'm feeling overwhelmed by the scope of this project."

Simply naming the emotion reduces its power over you.

Develop Discomfort Rituals: Create specific practices for engaging with uncomfortable tasks.

This might mean doing deep breathing exercises before starting difficult work, or having a special playlist that signals "time to do hard things."

Most People Want the View, Not the Climb

Alex Hormozi said it best:

Everyone wants financial freedom. A strong body. Deep love. Meaningful work.

But they want it without sacrifice. Without the long nights. The scary conversations. The awkward reps. The patience. The loneliness.

They want the result, but not the resistance.

You know what makes a good martial artist?

Not someone who wins all the time.

Someone who shows up all the time.

The ones who drill the basics. Who tap a hundred times and keep going. Who stay humble. Who track their progress. Who don’t wait until test day to turn it on.

Life is no different.

The Discipline-to-Freedom Equation

Most people think discipline is restrictive.

It’s the opposite.

Discipline is the ultimate freedom creator.

Because I was disciplined:

• I retired before 60.
• I travel when I want.
• I train BJJ 7 days a week if I feel like it.
• I spend slow mornings writing while sipping coffee at my favorite cafes.

Because I said no to the bar, I got to say yes to the world.

Because I chose long-term alignment over short-term escape, I built a life I don’t need a vacation from.

That’s the trade-off.

You either choose the pain of discipline today or the pain of regret tomorrow.

The Long-Term Vision: Understanding Compound Effects

The Mathematics of Daily Choices

One of the most powerful concepts in personal development is understanding how small daily choices compound over time.

This is where discipline reveals its true power—not in dramatic moments, but in the accumulation of ordinary moments.

Consider two people:

Person A does one hour of deliberate skill development every day for five years.

Person B waits for "the right time" and then does intensive 10-hour days whenever they feel motivated (averaging about once a month).

Person A accumulates roughly 1,825 hours of practice over five years.

Person B accumulates roughly 600 hours.

But the difference isn't just in quantity—Person A's brain has time to consolidate learning between sessions, creating deeper and more durable skill development.

The compound effect of consistency far outweighs the temporary boost of intensity.

Practical Framework for Long-Term Thinking

The 10-10-10 Rule: When making decisions, ask yourself:

This helps you see beyond immediate gratification to long-term consequences.

The Reverse Goal Setting Method: Instead of only setting positive goals, also identify what you want to avoid.

This creates powerful motivation for daily discipline because you're moving away from a feared future, not just toward a desired one.

The Systems Audit: Regularly examine your daily routines and ask:

This connects your immediate actions to your long-term identity.

Practical Implementation: Your 30-Day Discipline Building Challenge

Let's translate these concepts into concrete action steps that you can begin implementing immediately:

Week 1: Foundation Building

Day 1-2: Environmental Audit Walk through your living and working spaces with fresh eyes. What environmental cues are encouraging behaviors you want to reduce? What cues are missing that could encourage behaviors you want to increase?

Make a list of specific changes you can implement.

Day 3-4: Emotion Mapping For two days, every time you catch yourself procrastinating or avoiding something, write down the specific emotion you're feeling and the story you're telling yourself about why you can't act.

Look for patterns.

Day 5-7: Micro-Habit Installation Choose one tiny positive behavior you can do every day for the rest of the week. This should take less than two minutes and be so small it feels almost silly.

Examples: doing one push-up, writing one sentence, reading one page, organizing one small area.

Week 2: System Development

Day 8-10: Weekly Reflection Ritual Implement your own version of my Sunday journaling practice. Choose a consistent time and location.

Start with just 10 minutes and the three questions:

Day 11-14: Discomfort Practice Each day, deliberately do one thing that makes you slightly uncomfortable but is good for you. This might be having a difficult conversation, trying a new skill, or tackling a task you've been avoiding.

Start small.

Week 3: Building Momentum

Day 15-17: Identity Experimentation Choose one area of your life where you want to develop more discipline. Write down the identity statement for the person you want to become.

Then, for three days, act as if this identity is already true, even in small ways.

Day 18-21: Temptation Bundling Pair activities you should do with activities you want to do. Listen to your favorite podcast only while exercising. Watch your favorite show only while doing household tasks.

This creates positive associations with disciplined behavior.

Week 4: Integration and Sustainability

Day 22-24: Social Environment Audit Examine your relationships and social contexts. Who in your life supports your growth? Who unconsciously discourages it?

How can you spend more time with growth-minded people and less time with those who pull you toward old patterns?

Day 25-28: Future Self Visualization Spend time each day visualizing your life one year from now if you continue your current disciplinary practices. Then visualize your life one year from now if you return to old patterns.

Make this visualization vivid and emotional.

Day 29-30: System Refinement Review your entire month. What worked? What didn't? What felt sustainable? What felt forced?

Adjust your approach based on what you've learned about yourself.

Advanced Concepts: The Philosophy of Self-Mastery

Understanding the Paradox of Control

There's a profound paradox at the heart of discipline: the more you try to control your emotions and impulses through force, the more they resist.

True discipline comes from accepting your emotions while choosing your actions independently of how you feel.

This is similar to learning to drive in snow. If you try to force the car to go where you want through aggressive steering and acceleration, you'll lose control.

But if you work with the conditions while maintaining steady intention, you'll reach your destination safely.

The same principle applies to personal discipline. You don't eliminate the impulse to procrastinate—you acknowledge it and act according to your values anyway.

The Concept of Identity Momentum

As you practice disciplined behavior consistently, something remarkable happens: your sense of self begins to shift.

You start to see yourself as someone who follows through, someone who keeps commitments to themselves, someone who can be trusted to do what they say they'll do.

This identity momentum becomes incredibly powerful because it creates a positive feedback loop.

The more you act in alignment with your values, the stronger your identity as a disciplined person becomes. The stronger that identity becomes, the easier it is to make disciplined choices.

Think of it like a flywheel—difficult to get started, but once it's spinning, it wants to keep spinning.

The Ripple Effect of Personal Discipline

The ultimate goal of developing discipline isn't to become a machine or to eliminate all spontaneity from your life.

It's to create enough structure and self-trust that you can be truly free.

When you know you can rely on yourself to do what you say you'll do, you can make bigger commitments, take greater risks, and pursue more meaningful goals.

My story of early retirement and freedom to travel isn't about bragging or about financial success—it's about the confidence that comes from decades of keeping promises to myself.

When you trust yourself at that level, you can make decisions based on possibility rather than fear.

This is the real freedom that discipline creates: not the freedom from responsibility, but the freedom that comes from being fully responsible for your own life.

It's the difference between being a leaf blown by the wind and being the captain of your own ship.

Your journey toward discipline begins with a single choice: the choice to see yourself as someone who can change, grow, and become the person you're capable of being.

Discipline is what transforms potential into reality, one day at a time.

Putting It On the Mat

That barista will probably be okay. They’re smart. They’re driven. But they’re walking a tightrope.

Because that line between "under pressure" and "under water" is razor thin.

If you build a life around reacting, you become a slave to circumstance.

If you build a life around discipline, you become the architect of your future.

I didn’t get here by accident. I didn’t coast. I didn’t wait for someone to bird-dog me into action.

I got here because I built systems.
I built rituals.
I had the hard conversations.
I stayed home and read when everyone else went out.
I wrote when I was tired.
I trained when I was sore.

I didn’t need a test to bring out my best.

I brought it out every day.

And you can too.

So here’s your challenge:

• Pick a time each week to journal.
• Ask yourself: Where am I? How did I get here? Where do I want to go?
• Stop waiting for pressure. Create purpose.

Don’t just hope for a better life.

Build it. Brick by brick. Mat by mat. Day by day.

Are you sicked and tired of being surrounded by losers, lemmings and Luddites?

Then join the Leader's Dojo, where you not only discover how badass you are but you're surrounded by other badass warriors and leaders who will help you to be even better.

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