Missing the Biggest Opportunity for Growth: The Power of Productive Conflict

What I Learned on the Mat About Energy Flow

To someone standing on the side of the mat, watching two people spar or roll, it looks scary—violent even. Intimidating. Uncomfortable. Like something to avoid at all costs.

And that’s exactly why most people do avoid it.

They don’t just avoid sparring. They avoid difficult conversations. Hard decisions. Real feedback. They avoid the messy, uncomfortable tension that arises when energy gets intense.

But here’s the truth I’ve learned over years of training and living:

Conflict is not your enemy. Conflict is energy. And that energy—if handled right—can lead you to harmony, growth, and mastery.

Years ago, when I was still a Hapkido student—long before I earned my black belt or stepped on the Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu mat—a fellow student and I were geeking out after class about energy flow.

We broke it down like a formula. There were three main states:

1. Dissolution – Not enough energy. Things fall apart. <100%
2. Conflict – Too much energy. Things crash together. >100%
3. Harmony – Balanced energy. Things flow. 100% back and forth.

We realized most people never get to experience harmony because they’re terrified of conflict. They’d rather stay numb and detached. But on the mat, just like in life, that means they miss out on the deepest lessons.

Understanding the Energy Dynamics That Shape Our Lives

1. Dissolution: The Energy Deficit

Dissolution is when energy is missing.

In life, it shows up like this:

• Going through the motions
• Nodding through a conversation without really listening
• Staying in the same job, same habits, same relationships because it’s comfortable

In martial arts, it’s like a limp punch. No intent. No energy. No outcome.

In life, it’s staying quiet when you should speak. Shrinking when you should act. Checking out mentally while your life passes you by.

Dissolution is the death of momentum. And it’s more common than you think.

2. Conflict: The Energy Surplus

Conflict is when there’s too much energy and no clear direction. It can feel like intensity, resistance, or chaos.

Think about arguments where both people just want to be heard—but no one wants to listen. Or office politics where everyone is jostling for control instead of working together.

That’s conflict energy being mismanaged.

But when you manage it well—when you stay grounded, curious, and open—conflict becomes the path to breakthrough.

On the mat, I learned this the hard way.
One time I came in too fast, and my partner gave me a counter punch that ruptured my spleen. (I laughed later, not then.)

That was a painful reminder: too much energy, no channel = damage.

3. Harmony: The Energy Flow

This is the sweet spot.

Harmony happens when you and the moment are in sync. Your energy is matched and managed.

• You respond, not react.
• You contribute, not control.
• You move with, not against.

In relationships, it looks like deep conversation, trust, and flow.
In career, it looks like high-performance teams and aligned leadership.
In your own growth, it feels like the zone.

Harmony is where power meets peace. And it can’t happen unless you move through conflict.

Why Most People Never Get to Harmony

The problem isn’t that people are lazy.
It’s that they don’t understand what conflict really is.

Most people:

• Avoid conflict because they think it’s bad.
• Avoid feedback because they think it’s an attack.
• Avoid discomfort because they think it means danger.

But that’s not what conflict really is.

Conflict is energy that hasn’t found a path yet.

If you avoid it, you stay stuck. If you confront it with ego, you escalate it. But if you learn to work with it, you grow.

Turning Conflict Into Growth: The Martial Artist’s Way

Want to build a better life? Start training like a martial artist:

Step 1: Notice the Energy

In any situation, ask yourself:

• Is this too much energy (conflict)?
• Not enough (dissolution)?
• Or is there flow (harmony)?

This awareness changes everything.

Step 2: Choose Your Response

If it’s dissolution, bring more energy:

• Speak up.
• Get present.
• Take action.

If it’s conflict, redirect the energy:

• Listen.
• Find the root concern.
• Channel the emotion into problem-solving.

If it’s harmony, lean in:

• Amplify it.
• Appreciate it.
• Let it teach you.

Step 3: Practice. A Lot.

Energy mastery, like martial arts, takes repetition. You need to:

• Engage in hard conversations.
• Take on projects that stretch you.
• Recover from mistakes faster.

You don’t get good at this in theory. You get good in the arena.

Putting It On the Mat:
You Create Your Own Path for Growth

I remember my first year on the Hapkido mat.

I was still clumsy. Still hesitant. Still afraid to fully engage—afraid of getting hit, afraid of messing up, afraid of looking like I didn’t belong.

Then one day, GM Han pulled me aside after class. I had been trying to execute a kick, but it was half-hearted. I was holding back. He looked me square in the eye and said:

That moment changed me.

Because that’s when I realized: no one was going to hand me mastery. No one was going to hand me courage. And no one was going to hand me harmony.

I had to step in.
I had to commit my energy.
I had to risk discomfort.
I had to create the moment.

Most people sit on the edge of the mat, watching others roll. They think they're being smart. Safe. Careful.

But the mat doesn’t care about your comfort. It responds to your engagement.

And life is the same way.

You don't get lucky. You get aligned—through repetition, through intensity, through staying in the uncomfortable places until you learn how to move within them.

You want to be a warrior? Step into the tension.

You want to be a leader? Learn to direct the energy.

You want to be a badass? Show up fully, especially when it’s messy.

Luck isn’t something you stumble into.

It's something you build—one rep, one breath, one roll at a time.

Put it on the mat. Every day.

That’s how you create your path of success and leadership.

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