What You Fight, You Make Stronger: The Warrior's Paradox of True Power

Why Fighting Back Often Creates More Problems Than Solutions

Island Fighting and Family Feuds

Growing up in Hawaii as a Chinese-American kid, I lived in what everyone called the "melting pot of the Pacific" and the "land of aloha."

And for the most part, it really was. Hawaii had this beautiful blend of cultures, languages, and traditions all coexisting in relative harmony.

But people are people, no matter where you go in the world. They carry their ignorance and wisdom, their love and hate, their fears and dreams wherever they are.

And despite all the talk of aloha spirit, there were certain realities you had to navigate as a kid who looked like me.

There were certain neighborhoods and parts of the island of Oahu that I simply didn't go to unless I absolutely had to, or I'd risk finding myself in my own version of West Side Story—Sharks vs. Jets, except with very real consequences.

But here's what I learned that changed everything.

Sometimes, if you got into it with a local kid—especially a Hawaiian or Samoan—and by some sheer chance of luck you actually managed to kick his ass, well then, you really lost.

Because now you didn't just have to deal with him again. Now you also had to deal with his brothers, his cousins, and his uncles.

Now you were really in trouble.

See, fighting back didn't solve the problem—it multiplied it.

What started as a conflict with one person became a conflict with an entire extended family network. The more you fought, the stronger the opposition against you became. The harder you hit back, the more people lined up to hit you.

This wasn't just some unique Hawaiian thing.

This pattern repeats constantly throughout history. There's that truth:

And history is full of examples of people who learned—often the hard way—that fighting something directly often makes it stronger, not weaker.

The Romans understood this with their strategy of "divide et impera"—divide and conquer.

They didn't fight stronger enemies head-on. They found ways to weaken them indirectly.

Musashi taught about "attacking the corners" to weaken a strong opponent rather than meeting their strength with your strength.

​Sun Tzu wrote that "to win without fighting is the ultimate victory."

Even the founder of Aikido had to learn this lesson through painful experience.

The Ancient Art of Strategic Non-Resistance

Morihei Ueshiba: From War Machine to Peace Warrior

When World War II broke out, Morihei Ueshiba was already a formidable martial artist, trained in the violent techniques of Daito-Ryu Aiki-jutsu. He was so eager to serve the empire and use his fighting skills for "Nippon pride and victory" that he volunteered for military service.

Unfortunately for him—but fortunately for the world—he was rejected for being too short.

This didn't stop Ueshiba from trying. He was so determined to serve that he actually tried to lengthen his spine by hanging from trees while wearing iron clogs, hoping to add a few crucial inches to his height.

The image of this already deadly martial artist dangling from tree branches with weights on his feet, desperate to join a war, would be comical if it weren't so telling about his mindset at the time.

Ueshiba was a warrior who believed in meeting violence with superior violence. He had spent years perfecting techniques designed to destroy opponents. He saw conflict as something to be won through force, domination, and technical supremacy.

But then the war progressed, and Ueshiba witnessed something that shattered his worldview.

He saw the devastation—not just in Japan, but around the world. He watched violence beget more violence, hatred create more hatred, force generate more force.

He realized that every act of aggression, no matter how justified it seemed, created the conditions for more aggression.

This led to his profound realization: the only way to stop violence is learning how not to hit back.

This didn't mean becoming a punching bag or accepting abuse. It meant something far more sophisticated—learning how to neutralize aggression without escalating it.

Ueshiba transformed his entire martial art from a system designed to destroy opponents into one designed to neutralize conflict while preserving the humanity of everyone involved.

He wrote:

This wasn't philosophy—this was hard-won wisdom from a warrior who had seen what happens when you fight fire with fire. You just get a bigger fire.

Mother Teresa: The Pro-Peace Paradox

​Mother Teresa understood this principle on a different battlefield. When she was invited to participate in an anti-war protest, her response revealed profound strategic thinking.

She said she couldn't be part of an "anti-war" protest, but if they were to have a "pro-peace" rally, she would be there.

This wasn't semantic game-playing. Mother Teresa understood that when you organize against something, you're still giving it energy, attention, and definition.

You're making it the center of your activity. An anti-war protest keeps war as the focal point. A pro-peace rally makes peace the focal point.

What you focus on grows. What you fight against becomes stronger because you're feeding it your energy, even if that energy is oppositional.

Mother Teresa spent her life demonstrating an alternative—instead of fighting poverty, she created abundance. Instead of fighting hatred, she demonstrated love. Instead of fighting neglect, she provided care. Her approach wasn't passive—it was strategically active in a different direction.

Sun Tzu: The Supreme Excellence

Over two thousand years ago, Chinese military strategist Sun Tzu wrote:

Sun Tzu understood that direct confrontation, even when you win, often costs more than it's worth.

Every battle, even a victorious one, depletes your resources, reveals your capabilities to future enemies, and creates resentment that can fuel future conflicts.

The truly strategic approach was to make fighting unnecessary by removing the conditions that created conflict in the first place. This might mean:

• Addressing the underlying needs that motivate your opponent
• Changing the context so that conflict becomes counterproductive for them
• Making cooperation more attractive than confrontation
• Removing yourself from a position where you can be effectively attacked

Sun Tzu's approach wasn't about avoiding conflict out of fear or weakness. It was about being so strategically superior that conflict became unnecessary.

The Universal Principle: Resistance Feeds What It Opposes

Here's the fundamental law that all these masters understood:

This works across all contexts because attention is energy, and energy feeds whatever receives it:

• In personal development: The more you fight your bad habits, the more mental energy you give them. "I must stop procrastinating" keeps procrastination at the center of your focus
• In relationships: The more you fight against someone's annoying behavior, the more reactive you become, which often triggers more of that behavior
• In business: Companies that define themselves primarily by what they're against often lose sight of what they're for
• In politics: The more passion people bring to fighting something, the more powerful and defined that something often becomes

The energy you put into opposition doesn't disappear—it often gets absorbed by what you're opposing, making it stronger and more entrenched.

The Warrior Philosophy: Strategic Redirection

What makes this "warrior wisdom" rather than passive avoidance is its strategic sophistication.

This isn't about being weak or accepting abuse. It's about being smart about how you use your energy.

True warriors understand that the highest form of victory is winning without fighting—not because fighting is morally wrong, but because it's often ineffective and expensive.

Consider the difference:

• Fighting approach: "I hate this situation and will force it to change"
• Strategic approach: "I will create conditions where this situation naturally transforms"

The fighting approach meets resistance with resistance. The strategic approach removes the conditions that create resistance.

The Ripple Effects: Compound Benefits of Non-Resistance

When you master this principle, several things happen:

Individually, you develop what martial artists call "soft power"—the ability to achieve your goals without creating opposition. You become more persuasive because you're not triggering defensive reactions. You become more efficient because you're not wasting energy on unwinnable fights.

Professionally, you learn to work with people's natural motivations rather than against them. You become skilled at finding win-win solutions instead of zero-sum battles. You develop the ability to navigate conflicts without escalating them.

In relationships, you become someone who brings out the best in others rather than triggering their worst. Instead of fighting someone's difficult behavior, you address the underlying needs that drive it.

Putting It On the Mat:
The Warrior's Practice of Strategic Flow

The Fighting Audit: Where Are You Making Problems Stronger?

Start by examining where you're currently fighting battles that aren't getting won:

• What personal habits are you fighting against that seem to be getting stronger?
• What situations are you resisting that keep recurring?
• Where are you pushing harder but seeing diminishing returns?
• What would happen if you stopped fighting these things and started working around them?

Three Levels of Non-Resistance Practice

Level 1: Recognize the Pattern: Begin noticing when you're in "fighting mode." When you catch yourself resisting something, pause and ask: "Is this resistance making the situation better or worse?" Start with low-stakes situations to build awareness.

Level 2: Redirect Instead of Resist: Like Ueshiba's Aikido, learn to blend with opposition and guide it in a useful direction. If someone is angry, don't fight their anger—acknowledge it and help them channel it toward problem-solving. If you're procrastinating, don't fight the urge to avoid—find ways to make the work more immediately rewarding.

Level 3: Transform Opposition into Opportunity: At the advanced level, you learn to see every form of resistance as information and energy that can be redirected. Criticism becomes feedback. Obstacles become chances to develop new capabilities. Opposition becomes an opportunity to strengthen your position through skillful response rather than forceful reaction.

Daily Micro-Practices

• Morning redirection: Each morning, identify one thing you've been fighting and commit to working with it instead
• The aikido question: When facing opposition, ask "How can I use this energy?" before responding
• Flow finding: In challenging situations, ask "What's the path of least resistance toward my actual goal?"

When Your Fighting Instinct Kicks In

Your primitive brain will want to fight threats and opposition. When you feel this urge, pause and ask:

• Will fighting this make it stronger or weaker?
• What's my actual goal here—being right or being effective?
• How can I use this opposition's energy instead of fighting against it?

The 30-Day Strategic Flow Challenge

1. Days 1-7: Complete your fighting audit and identify three battles you're not winning
2. Days 8-14: Choose one area and experiment with redirection instead of resistance
3. Days 15-21: Apply the aikido principle to one challenging relationship
4. Days 22-28: Help someone else stop fighting something that's making their problem stronger
5. Days 29-30: Reflect and commit to strategic non-resistance as a default approach

Remember: Water carves through rock not by fighting it, but by finding the cracks and flowing persistently. The most effective leaders don't defeat resistance—they redirect it. The strongest people don't fight every battle—they choose their battles wisely.

Whatever you fight, you make stronger. Whatever you flow with, you can guide.

Stop fighting. Start flowing. Watch how much stronger you become when you stop making your problems stronger.

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The way of water always finds its destination. Be like water, my friend.