Surround Yourself With Warriors: How to Keep Your Fire Burning When the World Tries to Put It Out

You become who you surround yourself with. So surround yourself with people who make you dangerous.

One thing I love about being on the mat is feeling the fire of my fellow warriors.

There’s an energy that happens when you’re training with people who are fully committed. Who are pushing themselves. Who refuse to quit.

You can feel it.

It’s in the intensity of the roll. The focus in their eyes. The way they come back for more after getting submitted, swept, or smashed.

Especially the wahines—the women on the mat.

They take what the guys dish out. Guys who outweigh them by fifty, seventy, a hundred pounds. Guys who are stronger, faster, more experienced.

And they come back for more.

Not because they’re reckless. But because they’re warriors. And warriors don’t quit because it’s hard.

That energy is contagious.

When you’re surrounded by people like that, your own fire burns hotter. Your standards rise. Your effort increases. Your commitment deepens.

But what happens when you’re not surrounded by warriors?

What happens when you’re surrounded by people following Ohm’s Law—taking the path of least resistance?

What happens when the world is trying to put your fire out?

Your Environment Shapes You

Here’s the truth most people don’t want to hear:

You become who you surround yourself with.

Not who you want to be. Not who you think you are.

Who you surround yourself with.

If you surround yourself with warriors, you become a warrior.

If you surround yourself with people who take the path of least resistance, you start taking the path of least resistance.

It’s not a choice. It’s gravity.

Your environment pulls you toward its average. Constantly. Relentlessly. Whether you realize it or not.

And most people’s environments are pulling them down.

What I Experienced on the Jobsite

I remember being on the construction site. Some jobs were incredible. The crew was sharp. The foreman was solid. The energy was high.

On those jobs, I was at my best.

I worked harder. I thought more clearly. I held myself to a higher standard.

Because the environment demanded it.

But other jobs? The crew was lazy. The foreman didn’t care. The energy was dead.

And on those jobs, it was hard to keep my bar raised high.

Not because I suddenly became a different person. But because I was surrounded by people following Ohm’s Law—taking the path of least resistance.

And that pull is powerful.

You start thinking: “Why am I working so hard when nobody else is?”

You start thinking: “Maybe I’m the one who’s wrong for caring this much.”

You start thinking: “What’s the point?”

And before you know it, your fire is dimming. Your standards are slipping. Your edge is dulling.

Not because you chose it. But because your environment shaped you.

How I Kept My Fire Burning

So I found a workaround.

If I couldn’t surround myself with badasses in real life, I’d surround myself with them through books.

I’d listen to audiobooks on the jobsite.

Yeah, I was risking OSHA violations wearing earpieces under my hardhat. But the alternative—letting my fire go out because I was surrounded by people who didn’t care—was worse.

I’d read books before work and during breaks.

Books like Mojo by Marshall Goldsmith, about finding and keeping your professional momentum.

Books like 365 Tao by Deng Ming-Dao, daily meditations on living with purpose and presence.

These books became my training partners.

They challenged my thinking. They raised my standards. They reminded me who I was and who I wanted to become.

When the guys around me were complaining about the job, I was reading about mastery.

When the crew was coasting through the day, I was listening to someone who refused to coast.

When the environment was trying to pull me down, I had voices in my ear pulling me up.

It wasn’t the same as being surrounded by warriors in person. But it was enough.

Enough to keep the fire burning.

The Dan Tian: Where Your Fire Lives

In martial arts and Eastern philosophy, there’s a concept called the dan tian.​

It’s the energy center in your lower abdomen. The place where your life force—your chi, your ki, your mojo—resides.

Think of it as the furnace that powers everything you do.

When your dan tian is stoked, you’re on fire. You’re focused. You’re driven. You’re unstoppable.

When your dan tian is cold, you’re flat. You’re going through the motions. You’re surviving, not thriving.

And the question every warrior has to answer is: How do you kindle, stoke, and release those embers?

Especially when you’re feeling beat down, bruised, and battered.

Especially when the world is trying to put your fire out.

How to Keep Your Fire Burning

Here’s how you do it:

Step 1: Kindle—Find the Spark

Before you can stoke a fire, you need a spark.

What lights you up?

Not what you think should light you up. Not what other people say should motivate you.

What actually makes your blood move?

For me, it’s being on the mat. Feeling the energy of fellow warriors. The intensity of a hard roll. The satisfaction of executing a technique I’ve been drilling for months.

For you, it might be something completely different.

But you need to know what it is. Because that’s your spark.

And when your fire is dying, you need to go back to the spark.

Not someday.

Now.

Step 2: Stoke—Feed the Fire Daily

A spark isn’t enough. You need fuel.

And the best fuel is the people, ideas, and experiences that raise your standards.

If you can surround yourself with warriors in real life—do it. Join a gym. Find a mastermind. Build a circle of people who refuse to be mediocre.

But if you can’t—and sometimes you can’t—surround yourself with them through other means.

Books. Audiobooks. Podcasts. Videos.

Not as entertainment. As fuel.

Read about people who overcame impossible odds. Listen to people who think at a level you aspire to. Study people who embody the qualities you want to develop.

Feed the fire every single day.

Not once a week. Not when you feel like it. Every day.

Because the environment is pulling you down every day. So you need to pull yourself up every day.

Step 3: Release—Put the Energy Into Action

Fire that stays contained eventually burns itself out.

You need to release the energy.

Not just think about it. Not just feel inspired.

Act.

Take the energy from the mat and bring it to work. Take the insight from the book and apply it to your life. Take the fire from the warrior next to you and channel it into your own fight.

Energy without action is just heat.

Action without energy is just motion.

You need both. The fire and the release.

Step 4: Protect the Flame

Here’s what most people don’t do:

They don’t protect their fire from the people and environments that try to extinguish it.

They let negative people drain them. They let toxic environments dim them. They let the path of least resistance seduce them.

You have to protect the flame.

That means setting boundaries. That means limiting time with people who pull you down. That means being intentional about your environment.

Not because you’re better than them. But because your fire matters.

And if you let it go out, you can’t help anyone—including yourself.

Step 5: Find Your Warriors

This is the most important step.

Find the people who make you dangerous.

Not comfortable.

Not safe.

Dangerous.

People who challenge you. Who push you. Who hold you to a standard you can’t hold alone.

On the mat, these are the training partners who make you better by making you uncomfortable.

In life, these are the friends, mentors, colleagues, and rivals who refuse to let you coast.

Find them. Cultivate those relationships. Protect them.

Because those relationships are the most valuable thing you have.

Why the Wahines Inspire Me

I mentioned the women on the mat. And I want to come back to that.

Because they embody something that most people miss about warrior energy.

These women are often smaller. Often lighter. Often at a physical disadvantage against their training partners.

And they show up anyway.

They get smashed by guys twice their size. They get submitted. They get overwhelmed.

And they come back for more.

Not because they’re masochistic. But because they understand something fundamental:

The fire isn’t about winning. It’s about refusing to quit.

It’s about showing up when the odds are against you. Training when it’s hard. Coming back when you’ve been beaten.

That’s warrior energy. And it has nothing to do with size, strength, or gender.

It has everything to do with the fire in your dan tian.

And when you train alongside people who have that fire, yours burns hotter.

The Books That Kept My Fire Burning

Here are some of the books that served as my training partners when I couldn’t find warriors in real life:

​Mojo by Marshall Goldsmith​

This book taught me about finding and maintaining professional momentum. About not letting your environment dictate your energy. About being intentional with your fire.

​365 Tao by Deng Ming-Dao​

Daily meditations on living with purpose and presence. One page a day. Simple. Profound. A daily reminder to tend the fire.

​The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey​

A simple yet profound framework for building a life of excellence with 7 simple habits. An easy read to finish but a lifelong journey to master

​Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins​

I think this may have been one of my very first "self-help" books that put me on the path of personal leadership and building a life of success

​Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman​

I have to admit when I tell people how I used to be, an angry, scared asshole, and they tell me that they can't imagine me like that. I thank them. I've worked really hard to be a better person. The books by Dr. Martin Seligman really helped me on the journey.

These weren’t just books I read. They were companions.

They traveled with me to the jobsite. They sat with me during breaks. They whispered in my ear when the environment was trying to pull me down.

And they kept my fire burning when nothing else could.

The Hierarchy of Surrounding Yourself With Warriors

Here’s how I think about it:

Tier 1: Warriors in person.

Training partners. Mentors. Colleagues. Friends who push you.

This is the best. Nothing replaces real human connection and real shared struggle.

Tier 2: Warriors through media.

Books. Audiobooks. Podcasts. Videos. Biographies of people who embody what you aspire to.

This is the next best. It’s not the same as being in the room. But it’s powerful.

Tier 3: Warriors through environment.

The gym you train at. The community you’re part of. The culture you immerse yourself in.

Even if you’re not directly interacting with warriors, being in an environment that values warrior qualities raises your standards.

Tier 4: Warriors through memory.

The stories you carry. The lessons you’ve learned. The people who shaped you.

Even when they’re not physically present, their influence lives in you.

Use all four tiers. Because you need all the fuel you can get.

​Throwing Down the Gauntlet to Fellow Warriors

Here’s what I want you to do this week:

Assess your environment.

Who are you spending the most time with? Are they raising your standards or lowering them? Are they stoking your fire or dimming it?

Then make one change.

If you can add a warrior to your life—a training partner, a mentor, a colleague who pushes you—do it.

If you can’t, add a book. An audiobook. A podcast. Something that feeds your fire daily.

And protect the flame.

Set one boundary this week. Limit time with one person or environment that’s pulling you down.

Not forever. Just enough to protect your fire.

The Final Word

You become who you surround yourself with.

So surround yourself with warriors.

People who make you dangerous. People who refuse to quit. People who hold you to a standard you can’t hold alone.

And if you can’t find them in person, find them in books.

Because the fire in your dan tian needs fuel. And the world is constantly trying to put it out.

Don’t let it.

Kindle the spark. Stoke the fire. Release the energy. Protect the flame.

And surround yourself with people who do the same.

Who’s the warrior you need in your life right now?