Comparison Isn’t the Thief of Joy:
It’s a Mirror If You Use It Right

The Brown Belt as the Old Lion

A few weeks ago, after class, I overheard a brown belt at our BJJ school venting to one of the instructors.

He’s about my age—mid-50s, still strong, still sharp, still on the mat.

But he wasn’t sounding strong or sharp that night.

“I’m feeling like the old lion,” he said, shaking his head. “All the younger guys are gunning for me. I used to be the king of the jungle, and now I’m just holding on.”

He laughed, but it wasn’t the kind that comes from joy.

It was the laugh of someone trying to hide that they feel like they’re slipping, and they don’t know how to stop it.

He trains twice a week.

He’s a good man.

But in his mind, he’s comparing himself to the 19- and 22-year-old athletes who are there every day, sometimes twice a day, hungry for blood and medals.

I didn’t say anything—I’m not his coach—but I wanted to.

I wanted to say:

You’re not wrong to feel what you feel.
You’re just comparing wrong.

See, it’s not that comparison is the thief of joy.​

That quote is catchy, but it’s incomplete.

Comparison is the thief of joy when you're comparing the wrong things, in the wrong way, to the wrong people.

But when you use comparison as a mirror—not for your ego, not for your shame, but for your honest growth—then it becomes a gift.

A compass.

A gut-check.

Let me explain.

The +s, -s, and =s Framework

If you’ve followed me for a while, you know I talk about this a lot.​

It's one of the first tools I teach my clients when they feel lost, stuck, or unsure of how to grow.

Here’s the deal:

• +s are your seniors—people ahead of you, better than you, stronger, smarter, wiser.
• =s are your peers—those in the same stage, going through the same struggles.
• -s are your juniors—people you can mentor, support, and teach.

To grow as a warrior, leader, and badass, you need all three in your life.

• + to chase
• = to challenge
• – to contribute

Comparison becomes healthy when you use it with intention inside this framework.

But there’s another lens that’s just as important.

The 4 Types of Students
(and Why You Need to Know Who You Are)

On the mat, I see four types of students show up again and again.

Understanding which one you are—and which one you aspire to be—can save you from the comparison trap.

1. The Hobbyist - These are the folks who train for the love of it. They come in 1-3 times a week, break a sweat, share a few laughs, maybe learn a technique or two, and head back to life. They’ve got jobs, families, businesses, and other priorities.
   They’re not chasing medals—they’re chasing meaning.
2. The Athlete - These are younger guys—often in their 20s—who may not be competing yet, but they treat every class like a mini-Olympics. They’re watching YouTube breakdowns, drilling outside of class, and tracking their performance.
   They’re building something—maybe a career, maybe a future black belt.
3. The Warrior - These are the students who train to fight. They live for the competition. They sign up for every local tournament. They roll hard, recover harder, and wake up the next day ready to do it again.
   They’re not just learning BJJ—they’re testing it.
4. The Elite - These are the monsters. The world-class instructors. The black belts who move like ghosts and strike like hammers. They’ve put in 10,000 hours and then some. Watching them is like watching poetry in motion—but with the threat of a broken arm at any moment.

So here’s the question: Who are you comparing yourself to—and are they even in your category?

If you're a hobbyist comparing yourself to elite competitors, you're setting yourself up for misery.

If you're an athlete trying to match a warrior's mindset, but you’re not putting in the hours, you’ll feel like a failure.

If you're in your 50s trying to roll like a 23-year-old, you're ignoring the most powerful tool in your arsenal: awareness.

You can’t win a race if you’re on the wrong track.

Comparing Without Context is a Recipe for Regret

When you don’t account for the stage of life you’re in, the goals you’ve set, and the realities you face, you’ll always feel behind.

• A new white belt shouldn’t compare himself to a four-stripe blue belt.
• A dad working 60 hours a week shouldn’t compare himself to a college kid with no job.
• A midlife warrior healing old wounds shouldn’t measure his worth against a 20-year-old kid with zero scars.

Context matters.

And most people never factor it in.

They just feel like they’re less—less skilled, less strong, less successful.

But what if you’re just on a different path?

Make the Right Comparisons:
A Quick Checklist

If you want to grow, here’s how you use comparison wisely:

1. First, identify your category (Hobbyist, Athlete, Warrior, Elite) Be honest. Not everyone needs to be elite. Life has seasons. Know where you are and own it.
2. Next, choose your +s wisely These are your aspirational comparisons. But make sure they’re in the same category—or at least on the same mountain.
3. Then, find your =s These are your accountability mirrors. People walking the same road. Compare progress, share lessons, push each other.
4. Finally, serve your -s Mentor someone a few steps behind you. Not only does it help them—it clarifies your own path and reminds you how far you’ve come.
5. Always factor in stage-of-life awareness A 23-year-old warrior has different fuel than a 45-year-old athlete-dad. Neither is better. Just different.

When you do this, you create constructive comparisons instead of destructive ones.

It’s not about being the best.

​It’s about becoming your best.​

Putting It On the Mat:
The Day I Made the Right Comparison

A few months into my BJJ journey, I rolled with a blue belt half my age.

He was fast. Strong. Aggressive.

I was slow. Stiff. Cautious.

He tapped me three times in five minutes.

I tapped him zero.

I was breathing like a steam engine while he looked fresh as a daisy.

I could have walked off that mat comparing the wrong way.

• I’m too old for this.
• He’s better than me.
• Why do I even bother?

But I didn’t.

Because I’ve lived long enough—and led long enough—to know better.

Instead, I walked off the mat and said to myself:

• That kid is an athlete. I’m a warrior-in-training.
• He’s 25. I’m 59.
• He’s rolling to conquer. I’m rolling to survive, adapt, and grow.

I compared properly.

Then I found my +s—some of the older black belts who’ve made the long journey.

I checked in with my =s—other guys my age who are still on the mat, still showing up.

And I taught my -s—new white belts who just needed to learn how to shrimp correctly without blowing out their backs.

That night, I didn’t feel shame.

I didn’t feel regret.

I felt clarity.

I knew exactly where I stood.

And because of that—I knew exactly where to go next.

The Final Word

You don’t need to stop comparing.

You need to start comparing correctly.

Stop using comparison as a weapon against yourself.

Start using it as a tool for growth.

Stop chasing someone else’s path.

Start walking yours—with focus, with fire, with full awareness of where you are, and where you’re going.

So here’s your challenge this week:

Reflection Drill:
Smart Comparison Audit

Grab a journal or sit quietly for 10 minutes and answer:

1. What category am I in right now—Hobbyist, Athlete, Warrior, or Elite?
2. Who am I comparing myself to, and are they in the same arena or life stage?
3. Who are my +s (mentors or models)?
4. Who are my =s (accountability partners or peers)?
5. Who are my -s (people I can guide or serve)?

And most importantly:

Am I chasing joy, or chasing shadows?

When you make the right kind of comparisons, you'll stop trying to be someone you're not—

And start becoming everything you’re meant to be.

Now go put it on the mat.

• Be the warrior.
• Be the leader.
• Be the badass.

And if you’re not sure where you fall yet?

Start by showing up.

We’ll figure the rest out together.

P.S. If you found this content helpful, I have a favor to ask.

Actually two of them, a selfish one and a not-so-selfish one.

First the selfish one, if this was helpful to you, forward it to someone you think it might help. That helps me to grow my reach.

Now the not-selfish one, the one thing I learned on the mat and on the job was that the most successful leaders were not the ones who knew the most but were the ones who applied and taught the most.

So, if you want to be a better leader, do two things, take immediate action on what you learned today AND share it with someone else. You'll look badass, I promise you.

Also, if you have any questions, comments or suggestions, hit me up, reply to this email and let me know what's going on and how I can help you to be a better warrior, leader, and badass.

Thank you, I appreciate you being here in The Daily Dojo, you can learn more at CharlesDoublet.com​