The Ego Trap: Why Most People Will Never Go Far in Life

Every morning at my local LA café, I watch the same scene unfold at tables around me.

There’s the screenwriter hunched over his laptop, protective hand curved around his screen, working on what he whispers is “the next Marvel franchise.”

At the corner table sits the inventor who’s been “perfecting” his world-changing patent for three years but hasn’t filed it yet because someone might steal his idea. (I know! Crazy, right?)

Near the window, a "solopreneur" types furiously on his “secret project” that will “disrupt everything” once he’s ready to reveal it.

All of them working in isolation.

All of them guarding their precious ideas like state secrets.

All of them convinced that secrecy is the key to success.

Here’s what they don’t understand: they’re already guaranteeing their own failure.

There’s an African proverb that captures this perfectly:

Most people choose fast over far without realizing they’re choosing failure over success.

The Great Idea Myth

Walk into any café, co-working space, or networking event, and you’ll encounter the same delusion over and over: people who think their idea is their competitive advantage.

Watching too much shows on TV, they whisper about NDAs, talk about “stealth mode,” and act like sharing their concept with anyone would be equivalent to handing over the keys to their kingdom.

Here’s the uncomfortable truth: ideas are worth almost nothing.

I’ve heard and come up with thousands of “million-dollar ideas” over the years.

​Claudia Altucher has a book that will exercise the idea-making muscles in your brain, it's not that hard.

• App concepts that will “change social media forever.”
• Business models that will “disrupt entire industries.”
• Inventions that will “solve world hunger.”

Most of these ideas aren’t even original—similar concepts already exist, have been tried, or are being worked on by dozens of other people right now.

What’s actually rare—what separates success from failure—is the hard work, passion, and resilience to take an idea from concept to reality.

And that never happens in isolation.

The School System’s Toxic Legacy

This obsession with secrecy and solo achievement isn’t natural—it’s programmed into us from an early age.

The school system teaches us that sharing information is “cheating,” that collaboration is “copying,” and that the best students are the ones who work alone and never help their classmates.

In school, helping someone else succeed was grounds for punishment. In the real world, it’s the foundation of all meaningful achievement.

But most people never unlearn these toxic lessons.

They carry the scarcity mindset of the classroom into their careers, relationships, and entrepreneurial ventures.

They hoard information like they’re still afraid of getting sent to the principal’s office.

This creates a tragic irony: the very behaviors that made you successful in school—competitive secrecy, hoarding resources, refusing to share knowledge—are exactly what will ensure you fail in life.

How I Saw This Play Out on Construction Jobs

I learned this lesson the hard way during my union electrical apprenticeship.

The construction industry provided a perfect laboratory for observing two completely different approaches to professional development.

On one side, I watched journeymen who refused to mentor their apprentices. They’d hoard knowledge, withhold techniques, and treat every new worker as a threat to their job security. These guys operated from pure scarcity thinking—they believed that making someone else better would somehow make them worse.

Their short-term thinking was not just selfish—it was strategically stupid.

Even if their paranoia was justified (which it wasn’t), they were undermining their own long-term interests. These apprentices they were refusing to train would eventually become the journeymen paying into the pension system that would fund their retirement. By sabotaging the next generation, they were literally stealing from their future selves.

On the other side, I encountered journeymen who understood something profound: your success is tied to the success of everyone around you.

These mentors didn’t just share their knowledge—they went out of their way to develop the people coming up behind them. They understood that having skilled, capable teammates made their own work easier and more effective. They recognized that building a reputation as someone who develops others attracted the best people to work with them.

The contrast in outcomes was stark. The hoarders stayed at the same level for decades, eventually getting passed over for leadership positions by people they could have been mentoring. The mentors became foremen, project managers, and contractors who built successful companies staffed with people they’d helped develop.

The Martial Arts Mirror

The same dynamics play out on martial art mats.

You can immediately identify the people who will plateau and those who will continue growing based on how they approach training with others.

The Plateau People only want to roll with partners they can easily dominate. They avoid challenging training partners, refuse to share techniques, and get upset when someone they’ve been beating starts getting better. Their ego requires constant validation through easy victories.

The Growth People actively seek out partners who challenge them. They share techniques freely, help their training partners improve, and celebrate when someone they’ve been working with develops new skills. They understand that “iron sharpens iron.”

The plateau people think they’re protecting their advantage by keeping others down.

In reality, they’re guaranteeing their own stagnation.

When you only train with people worse than you, you never face the problems that force you to evolve.

The growth people understand a fundamental truth: helping your training partners get better makes you better in the process.

When you teach a technique, you understand it more deeply.

When you help someone improve their game, they provide you with better training.

When you’re surrounded by people who are constantly developing, you’re forced to keep growing just to keep up.

Rising tides raise all ships.

The Ego Trap That Destroys Potential

At the root of all this self-defeating behavior is ego—the desperate need to be seen as the sole author of your success.

Ego whispers that sharing credit diminishes your value.

Ego insists that helping others succeed somehow makes you less successful.

Ego demands that you be the smartest person in every room.

Ego is the enemy of achievement.

There’s a quote often attributed to Harry Truman that captures this perfectly:

But most people care deeply about getting credit.

They’d rather accomplish something small that they can claim entirely as their own than contribute to something large where their individual contribution might not be recognized.

This ego-driven thinking ensures they’ll never accomplish anything significant.

The Collaboration Multiplier

Here’s what the café intellectuals and construction site hoarders don’t understand: collaboration doesn’t divide success—it multiplies it.

When you share your idea, several powerful things happen:

Pressure Testing Other people immediately identify flaws, gaps, and problems you can’t see. This isn’t criticism—it’s free quality control that prevents you from wasting time and resources on approaches that won’t work.

Enhancement and Iteration Every person who engages with your idea brings their own perspective, experience, and expertise. They suggest improvements, identify opportunities, and help you evolve the concept in ways you never would have thought of alone.

Resource Access People who understand and support your vision become potential collaborators, investors, advisors, and connectors. They open doors, make introductions, and provide resources you can’t access on your own.

Accountability and Momentum When others know about your project, you create external accountability that keeps you moving forward. You also tap into the energy and enthusiasm of people who want to see you succeed.

Market Validation The reactions you get when sharing your idea provide invaluable market research. You learn whether people actually want what you’re building before you invest years developing something nobody cares about.

The Network Effect

The most successful people I know—in construction, martial arts, business, and life—all understand a fundamental principle: your network is your net worth, and your network only grows when you give before you get.

They share opportunities with others, make introductions between people who should know each other, and celebrate other people’s successes. They operate from abundance rather than scarcity.

This isn’t altruism—it’s strategy.

When you help others succeed, you become known as someone who creates value for your network.

This attracts high-quality people who want to collaborate with you. It creates a reputation that opens doors and generates opportunities.

The hoarders, meanwhile, become known as people who only take and never give.

High-achievers avoid them.

Opportunities pass them by.

They get stuck working with other takers and hoarders, creating networks of scarcity that limit everyone involved.

The Four Stages of Professional Evolution

Most people get stuck at Stage 2 and wonder why they never advance:

Stage 1: Individual Contributor You focus on developing your own skills and producing your own results. This is necessary but not sufficient for significant achievement.

Stage 2: Competitive Hoarder You see everyone else as competition and hoard knowledge, opportunities, and resources. This is where most people plateau.

Stage 3: Collaborative Contributor You begin sharing knowledge, helping others succeed, and building genuine relationships. This is where real growth begins.

Stage 4: Network Multiplier You become known as someone who creates value for others. Your success becomes tied to the success of your entire network. This is where exponential achievement becomes possible.

The people who go far understand that Stage 4 is the only stage that matters.

The Practical Framework for Going Far

Week 1: Audit Your Approach

• Are you working in isolation or actively collaborating?
• Do you share knowledge freely or hoard it protectively?
• Do you celebrate others’ successes or feel threatened by them?
• Are you building relationships or just using people?

Week 2: Start Sharing

• Share one “precious” idea or piece of knowledge with someone who could benefit
• Make one introduction between people who should know each other
• Offer help to someone without expecting anything in return
• Ask for feedback on something you’re working on

Week 3: Build Systems for Collaboration

• Join or create a group focused on your area of interest
• Schedule regular coffee meetings with people in your field
• Start teaching or mentoring someone with less experience
• Look for ways to contribute to other people’s projects

Week 4: Measure the Results

• What new opportunities emerged from your increased openness?
• How did helping others create value for you?
• What improvements came from getting feedback on your ideas?
• How did your network grow through collaborative behavior?

The Compound Effect of Giving First

When you consistently help others succeed, you create a compound effect that accelerates your own growth exponentially.

People remember who helped them when they were struggling.

They look for ways to reciprocate when they’re in positions to do so.

They recommend you for opportunities, invite you into their networks, and become advocates for your success.

But this only works if your giving is genuine, not transactional.

The people trying to “network” their way to success by schmoozing and glad-handing are easy to spot and impossible to trust.

They’re still operating from scarcity—they’re just better at hiding it.

True abundance thinking means helping others succeed even when there’s no obvious benefit to you.

The Bottom Line

The screenwriter protecting his franchise idea, the inventor hiding his patent, and the entrepreneur working in stealth mode all think they’re being strategic.

In reality, they’re guaranteeing their own failure.

Ideas without execution are worthless. Execution without collaboration is nearly impossible. And collaboration without genuine concern for others’ success is unsustainable.

The people who go far understand that success is not a zero-sum game.

They know that making others successful makes them more successful.

They operate from abundance rather than scarcity, and they build networks based on giving rather than taking.

Most people will never go far because they’re too busy protecting what they have to build what they could have.

If you want to join the rare group of people who achieve significant things, start by abandoning the ego-driven need to be the sole author of your success.

• Share your ideas.
• Help others win.
• Build genuine relationships.
• Contribute to something larger than yourself.

The goal isn’t to go fast—it’s to go far.

And you can’t go far alone.

The choice is yours: you can continue hoarding your precious ideas in isolation, or you can start building the collaborative relationships that make extraordinary achievement possible.

Most people will choose isolation because ego feels safer than vulnerability. That’s exactly why most people will never go far.

The ones who do go far understand that success shared is success multiplied.

What will you choose?