The Warrior’s Struggle with Stillness: Why Your Hardest Battle Might Be Sitting Still

Picture this: You’ve trained for decades to handle physical aggression, mental pressure, and emotional stress.

You can stay calm while someone tries to choke you unconscious.

You can think clearly under the kind of pressure that breaks most people.

You’ve literally had your spleen ruptured on a mat and kept training.

But ask you to sit quietly for ten minutes with no distractions, and suddenly you’re getting your ass handed to you by your own mind.

This is my confession: after four decades of martial arts training, I still struggle with traditional meditation and yoga.

I’ve said it for years and I’ll say it again—yoga is too hard, that’s why I do martial arts.

When I was first introduced to zazen sitting meditation in aikido back in 1985, it was the hardest thing I’d ever attempted.

The monkey mind in my head would not shut up. With my win/lose mentality, I was getting more beat up sitting there in silence than I ever did on the mat.

Even now, approaching 60, sitting in stillness isn’t easy for me.

It’s better than it was, but still not “good” by traditional standards. I do much better with guided and movement meditation than the static silent ones.

But here’s what I’ve learned after all these years: there is no one “right” way for anything—whether it’s combat sports, meditation, healing, therapy, or living life.

It’s about finding your right way.

And in our fast-moving, hyper-connected world, bringing more silence and stillness into your life isn’t just helpful—it’s essential.

The key is finding your way to access that stillness, your yin to balance the world’s relentless yang.

The Warrior’s Paradox

There’s something ironic about being able to stay calm while facing physical violence but struggling to sit peacefully with your own thoughts.

As warriors, we train extensively to handle external threats, but we often neglect the internal battles that rage within our own minds.

This creates a unique paradox:

• We can stay centered during combat but fidget during meditation
• We can endure physical pain but struggle with mental restlessness
• We can focus intensely on techniques but can’t quiet our racing thoughts
• We can discipline our bodies but feel overwhelmed by our minds

This isn’t a character flaw—it’s the natural result of training that emphasizes external action over internal awareness.

My Meditation Disasters

Let me be brutally honest about my early meditation experiences. When I first sat for zazen in that aikido dojo in 1985, I thought it would be easy.

After all, how hard could sitting still be?

I was about to discover that my mind was like a cage full of caffeinated monkeys.

The moment I closed my eyes and tried to focus, the mental chatter exploded:

• Replaying every mistake from recent training
• Planning my next day in obsessive detail
• Worrying about problems that might never happen
• Analyzing every sensation in my body
• Getting angry at myself for not being able to meditate

With my competitive mindset, I turned meditation into another contest to win.

When I couldn’t immediately master it, I felt like a failure.

The harder I tried to force silence, the louder my mind became.

Every session felt like defeat. I was getting psychologically submitted by my own thoughts in a way that physical opponents had never managed.

The Yoga Nightmare

Years later, when my wife Amy introduced me to Iyengar yoga, I thought I had a better chance.

After all, yoga had movement, poses, something for my body to do.

I was wrong again.

Iyengar yoga uses blocks, bolsters, and blankets to get your body into the “perfect” position so you can work on holding a pose for up to 30 minutes.

Thirty minutes!

I’d rather get stuffed by a big purple belt who’s trying to take my back and choke me out.

At least when someone’s attacking me, my mind has something to focus on.

But holding a static pose for extended periods?

My mind would go absolutely wild with boredom, frustration, and resistance.

The stillness that was supposed to be peaceful felt like torture.

Finding My Own Way

After years of struggling with traditional meditation and yoga, I almost gave up on the idea of developing inner stillness.

But then I started discovering alternative approaches that actually worked for my warrior temperament:

Movement Meditation

I found that I could achieve meditative states through repetitive martial arts forms, walking meditation, or even mindful weight training. My body needed to be engaged for my mind to settle.

Guided Meditation

Having someone else’s voice to focus on gave my mind an anchor. Instead of fighting the chatter, I could follow instructions and let the guide lead me to stillness. I use the Balance app every day.

Breath-Based Practices

Focusing on breathing gave my mind something specific to do rather than trying to achieve some vague state of “emptiness.” Box breathing, counted breaths, and breath awareness became my entry points.

Nature Immersion

Sitting quietly in natural settings felt completely different from sitting in a formal meditation space. The sounds, smells, and sensations of nature provided just enough stimulation to keep my restless mind engaged while still accessing stillness.

The key insight: I stopped trying to fit into someone else’s idea of “proper” meditation and started finding approaches that worked with my nature rather than against it.

The Stillness Imperative

Despite my struggles with traditional practices, I’ve become convinced that developing some form of stillness practice is crucial, especially in today’s world.

Consider the environment we’re living in:

• Constant digital stimulation from phones, computers, and media
• 24/7 news cycles that trigger stress responses
• Information overload that overwhelms our processing capacity
• Social media that hijacks our attention and emotional states
• Work cultures that glorify busyness and constant availability

Without some form of stillness practice, we become reactive rather than responsive, driven by external stimuli rather than internal wisdom.

I see this all the time on and off the mat.

People who can’t access inner stillness struggle in their martial arts training with:

• Reading their opponents accurately
• Staying calm under pressure
• Making split-second strategic decisions
• Learning from their mistakes rather than repeating them

The same principles apply to life outside the dojo.

Without stillness, you can’t access your deeper wisdom, make clear decisions, or respond to challenges from a centered place.

The Yin/Yang of Action and Rest

Eastern philosophy teaches that everything contains its opposite, and that sustainable systems require balance between opposing forces.

For warriors, this means balancing intense action with deep stillness.

Yang (Action):

• Training and skill development
• Physical exertion and challenge
• Strategic thinking and planning
• Goal pursuit and achievement

Yin (Stillness):

• Rest and recovery
• Reflection and contemplation
• Listening and receiving
• Being present without agenda

Most warriors are excellent at yang but struggle with yin.

We know how to push, strive, and achieve, but we don’t know how to simply be.

This imbalance eventually leads to burnout, poor decision-making, and disconnection from our deeper purpose.

Modern Stillness Strategies

Based on decades of experimentation, here are the stillness practices that actually work for action-oriented people:

The 5-Minute Rule

Start incredibly small. Five minutes of any stillness practice is infinitely better than zero minutes of “perfect” meditation. Consistency matters more than duration.

Progressive Stillness

Begin with movement-based practices and gradually incorporate more stillness:

1. Walking meditation (moving stillness)
2. Seated breathing practices (gentle stillness)
3. Silent sitting (deep stillness)

Warrior-Specific Practices

Adapt stillness practices to fit your warrior temperament:

• Breath control exercises (builds focus and calm)
• Body scanning (develops physical awareness)
• Visualization techniques (enhances mental training)
• Mantra repetition (gives the mind something to do)

Environmental Design

Create conditions that support stillness:

• Dedicated space for practice
• Consistent time of day
• Minimal distractions (phones off, doors closed)
• Natural elements (plants, natural light, fresh air)

Integration Practices

Weave stillness into daily activities rather than treating it as separate:

• Mindful morning coffee
• Conscious breathing between meetings
• Reflective moments before sleep
• Present-moment awareness during routine tasks

My Current Practice

Now, as I hit 60, my stillness practice looks very different from traditional meditation, but it works for me:

Morning Preparation: Before noon BJJ classes, I spend 30-45 minutes peacefully stretching and checking in with my body. I can now hold stretches for 2-5 minutes, feeling my battered body slowly loosen up. This isn’t formal meditation, but it’s mindful presence with my physical self.

Walking Meditation: I take regular walks where I focus on breathing, the sensation of movement, and the environment around me. My mind still chatters, but I don’t fight it—I just keep returning attention to the present moment.

Guided Sessions: I use apps and audio guides for longer meditation sessions. Having structure and direction helps my goal-oriented mind stay engaged.

Nature Immersion: Some of my deepest experiences of stillness come from sitting quietly in natural settings without any formal practice. Just being present with trees, water, and sky naturally settles my restless mind.

Evening Reflection: Before sleep, I spend a few minutes reflecting on the day—what went well, what I learned, what I’m grateful for. This isn’t meditation per se, but it’s a form of contemplative stillness.

The key insight: I’ve stopped judging these practices against traditional standards and started appreciating them for what they provide—moments of peace, clarity, and connection in an otherwise chaotic world.

The Resistance Patterns

If you’re struggling with stillness practices, you’re probably encountering some of these common resistance patterns:

Performance Anxiety

Turning meditation into another thing to “win” at rather than simply experiencing whatever arises.

Impatience

Expecting immediate results and getting frustrated when stillness doesn’t come quickly.

Physical Discomfort

Using minor physical sensations as excuses to avoid the deeper discomfort of mental stillness.

Comparison

Judging your practice against others or against idealized standards rather than working with your own starting point.

All-or-Nothing Thinking

Believing that if you can’t do “perfect” meditation, there’s no point in trying anything.

Recognizing these patterns is the first step in moving beyond them.

The Compound Benefits

Despite the struggles, developing even basic stillness capabilities creates compound benefits over time:

Improved Decision-Making: Stillness gives you space between stimulus and response, allowing for more thoughtful choices.

Enhanced Performance: Regular stillness practice improves focus, reduces stress, and enhances mind-body coordination.

Better Relationships: When you’re less reactive and more present, your interactions with others improve dramatically.

Increased Resilience: Stillness practices build your capacity to stay centered during difficult times.

Deeper Wisdom: Regular quiet time allows you to access insights and understanding that busy minds miss.

Greater Satisfaction: Learning to be present with what is, rather than constantly chasing what might be, leads to greater life satisfaction.

Your Stillness Experiment

If you’re ready to develop your own stillness practice, here’s a practical starting point:

Week 1-2: Assessment

• Notice when and where you naturally experience moments of stillness
• Pay attention to what helps you feel calm and centered
• Identify your biggest resistance patterns

Week 3-4: Experimentation

• Try different approaches: breathing exercises, walking meditation, guided sessions, nature immersion
• Start with just 5 minutes per day
• Don’t judge the experience—just observe what happens

Week 5-6: Customization

• Choose the approach that feels most natural and sustainable
• Gradually increase duration if it feels appropriate
• Begin integrating brief moments of stillness throughout your day

Week 7-8: Integration

• Make your chosen practice a regular part of your routine
• Notice any changes in your stress levels, decision-making, or overall well-being
• Adjust the practice based on what you’re learning about yourself

Remember: There’s no “right” way to do this.

The best practice is the one you’ll actually do consistently.

The Bottom Line

After four decades of struggling with traditional meditation and yoga, I’ve finally made peace with my own version of stillness practice.

It doesn’t look like what the experts recommend, but it works for my warrior temperament and busy life.

The key insight is this: you don’t need to become a meditation master or yoga expert to benefit from stillness.

You just need to find your own way to access moments of peace and presence in your life.

In our hyper-connected, constantly stimulating world, stillness isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity.

Your mind needs rest just like your body needs rest. Your soul needs quiet just like your ears need silence.

The strongest warriors aren’t those who can endure endless action—they’re those who can access both powerful action and deep stillness as needed.

Whether it’s 5 minutes of conscious breathing, a quiet walk in nature, or peaceful stretching before training, find your own path to stillness.

Your future self—calmer, clearer, and more centered—will thank you for it.

Your yin is waiting to balance the world’s relentless yang.

The only question is whether you’re willing to stop moving long enough to find it.