Questions Are the Answers: Why Great Leaders Ask, Not Tell

When I first began to run work on construction jobs, I was the typical new naive boss with too many ideals and not enough experience or wisdom.

I would struggle to get my guys to understand what I was communicating to them and to get the job done as I had envisioned.

This of course led to a lot of challenges at work.

When things weren't done to my "expectations," I would take it as a personal affront and chastise my guys, which didn't help the situation at all.

Not only was I not getting the work done to my expectations, but I was also pissing off and making my guys defensive, not willing to help me improve the situation.

It wasn't until I came across Kurt Wright's book, Breaking the Rules, in the early 2000s that I saw the error in my ways.

Wright's book taught me a new way to approach the challenges at work and dealing with my crew in a more healthy way by not focusing on what's wrong, but instead asking "What's right?" questions.

And that questions are the answers to better leadership, not directives.

​Socrates knew this thousands of years ago, and it works to this day. If you want to be a better leader, learn to ask better questions.

The Problem with Prescriptions Before Diagnosis

My Early Failures as a Leader

What I did wrong:

• Walked onto the job with a vision in my head
• Expected my guys to read my mind
• When the work didn't match my vision, I blamed them
• Pointed out everything that was wrong
• Told them what to do differently
• Got frustrated when they got defensive
• Created a cycle of resentment, poor work, and friction

What I didn't realize:

• I wasn't communicating clearly
• I was prescribing solutions without understanding the problem
• I was making it about me ("my expectations") instead of the work
• I was creating defensiveness by focusing on what was wrong
• I was destroying trust and collaboration

The result:

• Work didn't improve
• My crew resented me
• I was stressed and frustrated
• Everyone was miserable
• I was failing as a leader

The core mistake: I was telling, not asking.

The Diagnosis Problem

In medicine, this would be malpractice:

• Patient comes in
• Doctor doesn't ask questions
• Doctor doesn't examine the patient
• Doctor prescribes medication anyway
• Patient gets worse or doesn't improve
• Doctor blames the patient

Yet this is exactly what most new leaders do:

• See a problem
• Don't ask questions
• Don't understand the root cause
• Prescribe a solution anyway
• Solution doesn't work or makes things worse
• Blame the team

Real leaders diagnose before they prescribe.

And the best diagnostic tool is questions.

Socrates: The Original Question-Based Leader

Why Socrates Is Remembered 2,400 Years Later

Socrates never wrote a book.
He never built an empire.
He never held political office.
He was executed by his own city.

Yet he's one of the most influential figures in human history.

Why?

Because he asked questions that forced people to think.

The Socratic Method

How it works:

• Don't tell people what to think
• Ask questions that reveal contradictions in their thinking
• Let them discover the truth themselves
• Guide through inquiry, not instruction

Example from Plato's dialogues:

Socrates: "Is the pious loved by the gods because it is pious, or is it pious because it is loved by the gods?"

The person: (Thinks deeply, realizes their assumptions don't hold)

Socrates: (Continues asking questions until clarity emerges)

The result:

• The person discovers the answer themselves
• They own the insight (it's not imposed)
• They're more likely to change their thinking
• No defensiveness because they weren't told they were wrong

This is why questions are more powerful than answers.

Why Questions Eliminate Defensiveness

When you tell someone they're wrong:

• Their ego activates
• They defend their position
• They dig in deeper
• They resent you
• They resist change

When you ask questions:

• Their curiosity activates
• They explore their own thinking
• They discover gaps themselves
• They appreciate the guidance
• They embrace change

Questions bypass the ego and engage the intellect.

Kurt Wright's "What's Right?" Framework

The Paradigm Shift

Traditional leadership (what I was doing):

• Focus on what's wrong
• Point out problems
• Criticize failures
• Tell people how to fix it
• Create defensiveness and resentment

Wright's approach:

• Focus on what's right
• Build on strengths
• Appreciate successes
• Ask questions to discover solutions
• Create collaboration and buy-in

The difference is profound.

Why "What's Wrong?" Fails

When you focus on what's wrong:

1. People get defensive

• They feel attacked
• They justify their actions
• They blame external factors
• They shut down mentally and emotionally

2. You destroy motivation

• Focus on failure kills morale
• People feel incompetent
• They stop trying
• They do the minimum to avoid criticism

3. You miss what's working

• You don't understand why some things succeed
• You can't replicate success
• You lose momentum

4. You create a negative culture

• Everything becomes about avoiding mistakes
• Innovation dies (too risky)
• People hide problems instead of solving them
• Trust erodes

This was my early leadership: focus on problems, create defensiveness, get worse results.

Why "What's Right?" Works

When you focus on what's right:

1. People stay open

• They feel appreciated
• They're curious about improving
• They engage constructively
• They contribute ideas

2. You build motivation

• Recognition fuels effort
• People feel competent
• They want to do more
• They go beyond minimum expectations

3. You identify success patterns

• You understand what works and why
• You can replicate and scale success
• You build positive momentum

4. You create a positive culture

• Everything becomes about building on strengths
• Innovation thrives
• People proactively solve problems
• Trust grows

This became my leadership after Wright's book: focus on what's working, eliminate defensiveness, get better results.

The 5 Questions: A Framework for Leadership Excellence

Wright's framework is deceptively simple but profoundly effective:

Question 1: "What's Right?" or "What's Working?"

What this does:

• Starts the conversation positively
• Acknowledges what's already successful
• Reduces defensiveness
• Creates a foundation to build on
• Shifts focus from blame to appreciation

How to use it:

Instead of: "Why is this taking so long? What's the hold-up?"

Ask: "What's working well on this project so far?"

What happens:

• Your team shares successes
• You learn what's actually happening (not just what you assumed)
• People feel heard and appreciated
• They're more open to discussing challenges

Example from my construction days:

Old me: "This rough-in is a mess. Why didn't you follow the plan?"

New me: "What parts of this rough-in are coming together well?"

Response: "The conduit racks are solid—we got the spacing perfect there."

Result: Now I know what they're capable of and what's working. I can build from there.

Question 2: "What Makes It Work?" or "Why Does It Work?"

What this does:

• Identifies the root causes of success
• Helps you understand the process
• Reveals competencies and resources
• Creates replicable patterns
• Deepens understanding

How to use it:

Follow-up to Question 1:

Me: "What makes it work?" or "Why does it work?"

Response: "We had the measurements double-checked before we started, and we worked as a team instead of splitting up."

What I learn:

• Process matters (double-checking measurements)
• Collaboration matters (working as a team)
• These are the conditions for success

Now I can replicate this:

• Ensure measurements are always double-checked
• Keep the team working together on critical tasks

This question transforms success from accident to system.

Question 3: "What Would Be Ideally Right?" or "What Would Work Ideally?"

What this does:

• Invites vision and creativity
• Engages the team in problem-solving
• Creates ownership of the ideal outcome
• Shifts from current state to desired state
• Builds aspiration without blame

How to use it:

Me: "You mentioned the conduit racking is solid. What would ideally right look like for the whole project?"

Response: "Ideally, every project could have that same precision, and we'd still finish two days early."

What happens:

• They've articulated the vision themselves
• They own it (it's not imposed)
• They're thinking about the ideal, not defending the current

This question moves from "good enough" to "excellent" without creating defensiveness.

Question 4: "What's Not Quite Right?"

What this does:

• Finally addresses problems
• But only after appreciation, understanding, and vision are established
• Framed as "not quite right" instead of "wrong"
• Creates space for honest assessment without blame
• Feels collaborative, not accusatory

How to use it:

Me: "So what's not quite right yet?"

Response: "The equipment measurements got rushed because we were trying to catch up. We didn't double-check like we did in the electrical vault."

What happens:

• They admit the problem themselves
• No defensiveness because we started with what's working
• They already know the solution (double-check measurements)
• I don't have to blame or criticize

This question reveals problems without creating friction.

Notice the order: You don't start here. You earn the right to ask this question by asking the first three.

Question 5: "What Resources Can I Find to Make It Right?"

What this does:

• Shifts from problem to solution
• Empowers the team to solve it
• Identifies what's needed (not what's lacking)
• Positions you as a resource-provider, not a criticizer
• Creates action orientation

How to use it:

Me: "What resources can I find to make it right?"

Response: "If we could get another laser level and an extra set of hands for the measurements, we could maintain that precision on the next electrical room."

What happens:

• They've identified the solution
• I provide the resources
• They execute with ownership
• Problem is solved collaboratively

This question transforms you from boss to enabler.

The Power of Order: Why Sequence Matters

Why You Can't Skip Steps

If I had started with Question 4 ("What's not quite right?"):

• Immediate defensiveness
• "We did our best with what we had"
• "The plan wasn't clear"
• Blame and excuses
• No real solutions

But because I started with Questions 1-3:

• Appreciation established
• Success identified
• Vision clarified
• Trust built
• When I ask what's not quite right, they're ready to answer honestly

The first three questions earn you the right to ask the fourth.

The Psychological Progression

Question 1 ("What's right?"):

• Activates positive emotion
• Opens the mind
• Reduces threat response

Question 2 ("What makes it work?"):

• Engages analytical thinking
• Builds understanding
• Creates pattern recognition

Question 3 ("What would be ideally right?"):

• Activates vision and creativity
• Creates aspiration
• Builds ownership

Question 4 ("What's not quite right?"):

• Now safe to address
• Framed constructively
• Leads naturally to solutions

Question 5 ("What resources can I find?"):

• Action-oriented
• Solution-focused
• Collaborative

Each question builds on the previous one. Skip a step and the whole framework collapses.

Real-World Applications

On the Construction Site

Old approach: Walk on site, see a problem, point it out, tell them how to fix it.

Result: Defensiveness, excuses, resentment.

New approach:

Me: "What's working well today?"
​Crew: "The concrete pour went smooth—no delays."

Me: "What made it work so well?"
​Crew: "We prepped everything yesterday and had all the materials staged."

Me: "What would ideally right look like for the rest of the week?"
​Crew: "If we could prep like that every day, we'd stay ahead."

Me: "What's not quite right yet?"
​Crew: "We're running low on plastic conduit chairs for tomorrow."

Me: "What resources can I find to make it right?"
​Crew: "If we could get a delivery first thing in the morning, we're good."

Result: Problem solved, no defensiveness, team feels supported.

In Martial Arts Training

Old instructor approach: "Your stance is wrong. Your punch is weak. You're not rotating your hips."

Result: Student feels inadequate, gets discouraged, progress slows.

New instructor approach:

Instructor: "What felt right about that technique?"
​Student: "I felt balanced on that last rep."

Instructor: "What made it feel balanced?"
​Student: "I widened my stance a bit."

Instructor: "What would ideally right feel like?"
​Student: "Like I could throw with full power and still stay rooted."

Instructor: "What's not quite right yet?"
​Student: "My hip rotation isn't connecting to the punch."

Instructor: "What resources can I find to help?"
​Student: "Maybe if you could show me the hip movement separately?"

Result: Student discovers their own gaps, owns the solution, progresses faster.

In Business/Team Leadership

Old manager approach: "This report is incomplete. Why didn't you include the data I asked for?"

Result: Employee gets defensive, blames unclear instructions, quality doesn't improve.

New manager approach:

Manager: "What's working well in this report?"
​Employee: "The analysis section is solid—I got good feedback from the client on that."

Manager: "What made that section work?"
​Employee: "I spent extra time breaking down the trends and used visuals."

Manager: "What would ideally right look like for the whole report?"
​Employee: "Every section would have that same depth and clarity."

Manager: "What's not quite right yet?"
​Employee: "The data section is thin—I wasn't sure which metrics you wanted."

Manager: "What resources can I find to make it right?"
​Employee: "If you could clarify the top 3 metrics, I can expand that section."

Result: Clear communication, employee owns the solution, quality improves.

In Relationships

Old approach: "You never listen to me. You're always on your phone during dinner."

Result: Partner gets defensive, argument ensues, nothing changes.

New approach:

You: "What's working well in our relationship right now?"
​Partner: "I love our morning coffee time together."

You: "What makes that work?"
​Partner: "We're both present—no phones, just talking."

You: "What would ideally right look like for our time together?"
​Partner: "If we could have more moments like that throughout the day."

You: "What's not quite right yet?"
​Partner: "I feel like we're distracted during dinner."

You: "What resources can we find to make it right?"
​Partner: "Maybe we put phones away during meals?"

Result: Issue addressed, no defensiveness, mutual solution.

Why This Works: The Psychology Behind the Questions

Questions Activate Curiosity, Not Defense

When you tell someone they're wrong:

• Amygdala (threat center) activates
• Fight-or-flight response
• Rational thinking shuts down
• Defensiveness takes over

When you ask a question:

• Prefrontal cortex (thinking center) activates
• Curiosity response
• Rational thinking engages
• Openness emerges

Questions literally change brain chemistry.

Questions Create Ownership

When you tell someone the answer:

• It's your idea
• They may or may not buy in
• They implement reluctantly
• If it fails, it's your fault

When they discover the answer through questions:

• It's their idea
• They fully buy in
• They implement enthusiastically
• If it fails, they learn and adjust

Ownership is the difference between compliance and commitment.

Questions Build Unity

When you focus on what's wrong:

• It's you vs. them
• You're the critic, they're the criticized
• Division grows
• Resentment builds

When you ask "What's right?":

• It's us working together
• You're both focused on the same goal
• Unity grows
• Trust builds

Questions turn "me vs. you" into "us vs. the problem."

Questions Reveal Root Causes

When you prescribe without diagnosis:

• You address symptoms, not causes
• Problems recur
• Solutions don't stick

When you ask questions:

• You discover the actual problem
• You address root causes
• Solutions are sustainable

Questions lead to real solutions, not Band-Aids.

How to Implement the 5 Questions

This Week

Practice with one situation:

• Pick a challenge at work, home, or in a relationship
• Write out the 5 questions
• Ask them in order
• Notice the difference in how the conversation goes

This Month

Make the 5 questions your default leadership tool:

• Every time you're tempted to point out what's wrong, pause
• Start with "What's right?"
• Work through all 5 questions
• Track the results

What you'll notice:

• Less defensiveness
• More collaboration
• Better solutions
• Improved relationships
• Faster progress

This Year

Become a question-based leader:

• Make questions your primary leadership tool
• Tell less, ask more
• Diagnose before you prescribe
• Build a culture of curiosity
• Watch your leadership effectiveness multiply

The Socratic Legacy: Why This Matters 2,400 Years Later

Socrates knew:

• The answer is already inside the person
• Your job is to help them discover it
• Questions are the tool
• The person who discovers owns the insight
• Ownership leads to change

This is why he's remembered thousands of years later.

Not because he had all the answers.

Because he asked the right questions.

Conclusion: Questions Are the Answers

When I was a young, naive boss:

• I told people what to do
• I pointed out what was wrong
• I created defensiveness
• I got poor results
• I was failing as a leader

After I learned to ask questions:

• I engaged people in problem-solving
• I built on what was working
• I eliminated defensiveness
• I got excellent results
• I became an effective leader

The difference was questions.

Not directives. Not criticism. Not prescriptions.

Questions.

The 5 Questions in order:

1. "What's right?" or "What's working?"
2. "What makes it work?" or "Why does it work?"
3. "What would be ideally right?" or "What would work ideally?"
4. "What's not quite right?"
5. "What resources can I find to make it right?"

This framework:

• Breaks down defensiveness
• Increases unity
• Clarifies vision
• Solves problems collaboratively
• Builds trust and ownership

Socrates knew it 2,400 years ago.

Kurt Wright systematized it in Breaking the Rules.

I learned it the hard way on construction sites.

And now you have it.

If you want to be a better leader, learn to ask better questions.

Questions are the answers.

Always have been.

Always will be.