The Biggest Mistake Leaders Make (And Why What Got You Here Will Hold You Back There)

The skill that earned you the promotion is the exact skill that will undermine your leadership if you don’t evolve.

There’s a pattern I’ve seen play out over and over again.

On the jobsite. On the mat. In boardrooms. In businesses.

A person gets promoted because they’re good.

Really good. They know their craft. They produce results. They solve problems. They stand out.

Their supervisor sees something in them—competence, drive, capability—and decides: This person should lead.

So they get the title. The responsibility. The authority.

And then they fail.

Not dramatically. Not all at once.

But slowly. Quietly. Inevitably.

Because they take the thing that made them great as an individual contributor—their knowledge, their opinions, their solutions, their voice—and they bring it into the leadership role.

And it doesn’t work the same way.

What Got You Here Won’t Get You There

​Marshall Goldsmith wrote a whole book about this.

The title says it all: What Got You Here Won’t Get You There.​

The skills that make you a great individual contributor are not the same skills that make you a great leader.

As an individual contributor, your value comes from what you know and what you do.

As a leader, your value comes from what your team knows and what your team does.

That’s a fundamental shift.

And most new leaders never make it.

• They keep operating as individual contributors with a title.
• They keep doing the work instead of enabling others to do it.
• They keep talking instead of listening.
• They keep telling instead of asking.
• They keep prescribing instead of diagnosing.

And their team shuts down.

Not because the leader is stupid. Not because the leader doesn’t care.

But because the leader is still playing the old game in a new arena.

The Classic Way It Shows Up

Here’s how you know a leader hasn’t made the shift:

They talk more than they listen.

In every meeting, every conversation, every interaction—they’re the one doing most of the talking.

They share their insights. Their opinions. Their solutions. Their experiences.

And they wonder why nobody is engaged.

They tell more than they ask.

Instead of asking questions to understand the situation, they tell people what to do.

Instead of asking what the team thinks, they tell the team what they think.

Instead of asking what obstacles people are facing, they tell people how to overcome obstacles they haven’t even identified yet.

They prescribe more than they diagnose.

They walk into a situation, make a quick assessment, and immediately start prescribing solutions.

Without fully understanding the problem. Without hearing from the people closest to it. Without asking the questions that would reveal what’s actually going on.

They’re like a doctor who writes a prescription before the patient finishes describing their symptoms.

And the prescription is often wrong. Or right for the wrong reasons. Or right in theory but impossible to implement because the team wasn’t involved in creating it.

The Result: No Buy-In, No Engagement, No Follow-Through

Here’s what happens when a leader talks more than they listen:

The team shuts down.

Not immediately. Not dramatically. But gradually.

They stop sharing their real thoughts. They stop raising concerns. They stop offering ideas.

Because they’ve learned that it doesn’t matter.

The leader is going to say what the leader is going to say. The decision is already made. The solution is already prescribed.

So why bother?

And when the team stops engaging in the conversation, they stop engaging in the work.

There’s no buy-in. Because they weren’t part of the decision.

There’s no ownership. Because it’s not their solution.

There’s no follow-through. Because they’re executing someone else’s plan, not their own.

And the leader is baffled.

“I gave them the answer. I told them exactly what to do. Why isn’t it working?”

Because you told them. You didn’t involve them.

And there’s a world of difference between those two things.

Why This Happens (And Why It’s So Hard to Fix)

Here’s the uncomfortable truth:

We all care more about our own viewpoints, opinions, and ideas than we do about those coming from others.

That’s not a character flaw. It’s human nature.

When someone talks at us—even if what they’re saying is important, insightful, and wise—we’re only half listening.

The other half of our brain is formulating our response. Waiting for our turn. Thinking about our own perspective.

And when we never get that turn—when the leader keeps talking and we never get to contribute—we disengage.

Not because we’re lazy. But because we’re human.

The leader who understands this uses it to their advantage.

They give people the floor. They ask questions. They listen.

And in doing so, they create the conditions for genuine engagement.

The Irony of Leadership

Here’s the irony:

The leader who talks less has more influence.

Not less. More.

Because when you listen, people feel heard. And when people feel heard, they trust you.

When you ask questions, people think. And when people think, they own the answers.

When you diagnose before you prescribe, you solve the right problems. And when you solve the right problems, you get results.

The quiet leader—the one who asks more than tells, listens more than talks, diagnoses more than prescribes—is the one whose team actually moves.

What I Learned on the Jobsite

I was guilty of this. Early in my time as a foreman.

I’d been promoted because I was good. I knew the trade. I solved problems. I got things done.

And when I became a foreman, I brought all of that with me.

I’d walk onto a jobsite, assess the situation, and immediately start telling people what to do.

Sound familiar?

And it worked. For a while.

Because I was often right. My solutions were usually good. My assessments were usually accurate.

But the team wasn’t engaged.

They were executing my plans. Not their own. And when my plans hit obstacles—which they always did—they’d come back to me for the next instruction instead of figuring it out themselves.

I’d created a team of order-followers.

Not problem-solvers.

And that meant everything ran through me. Every decision. Every problem. Every obstacle.

I was the bottleneck.

Then I started asking more questions. Listening more. Diagnosing before prescribing.

“What do you think is the best approach here?”

“What obstacles are you running into?”

“What would you do if I wasn’t here?”

And something shifted.

The team started thinking. Started owning. Started solving problems without coming to me first.

Not because they got smarter. But because I got out of their way.

What I Learned on the Mat

The same lesson showed up in a different form when I was teaching hapkido.

Early on, I was the “my way or the highway” drill sergeant instructor. I knew the techniques. I knew the right way to do them.

And I told students exactly how to do them.

But different students had different bodies. Different strengths. Different limitations.

And my way wasn’t always their way.

When I started asking more questions:

I got better information.

And with better information, I could actually help them.

Not by prescribing my solution. But by diagnosing their problem and helping them find their solution.

The Framework: Listen More, Ask More, Diagnose More

Here’s how you make the shift:

Step 1: Talk less.

This sounds simple. It’s not.

Because the urge to share your knowledge, your experience, your solutions is strong. Especially when you’re the leader. Especially when you know the answer.

But resist it.

Give yourself a rule:

Let the other 60% belong to your team.

Step 2: Ask more than you tell.

Replace statements with questions.

Instead of “Here’s what we should do,” ask “What do you think we should do?”

Instead of “The problem is X,” ask “What do you see as the core problem here?”

Instead of “You need to do this differently,” ask “What do you think you could do differently?”

Questions invite thinking.

Statements shut it down.

Step 3: Diagnose before you prescribe.

Before you offer a solution, make sure you understand the problem.

Ask:

• “Tell me more about what’s happening.”
• “How long has this been an issue?”
• “What have you already tried?”
• “What do you think is causing this?”

Get the full picture before you prescribe.

Because a solution to the wrong problem is just a new problem.

Step 4: Be curious, not critical.

When someone shares an idea you disagree with, resist the urge to immediately correct or critique.

Get curious instead.

• “Tell me more about that.”
• “What led you to that conclusion?”
• “What would that look like in practice?”

Because curiosity opens doors. Criticism closes them.

Step 5: Validate before you redirect.

When you do need to redirect someone’s thinking, validate first.

• “That’s an interesting perspective. I hadn’t thought about it that way.”
• “I can see why you’d approach it like that.”
• “There’s something valuable in what you’re saying.”

Then redirect.

“Here’s another angle to consider…” “What if we also looked at…”

Validation doesn’t mean agreement. It means acknowledgment.

And acknowledgment is what keeps people engaged.

Step 6: Create space for silence.

Most leaders are uncomfortable with silence. So they fill it.

Don’t.

When you ask a question, wait for the answer. Even if it takes longer than you’re comfortable with.

Because the best thinking often comes after a pause.

And if you fill the silence, you’ll never hear it.

Step 7: Follow up on what you hear.

This is the step that proves you were actually listening.

In the next meeting, reference what someone said in the last one.

“Last week, you mentioned X. I’ve been thinking about that. Can you tell me more?”

That’s the signal that you heard them. That their input mattered. That it’s worth contributing.

And when people believe their input matters, they keep contributing.

The Simple Formula

Here’s the whole thing distilled:

• Listen more than you talk.
• Ask more than you tell.
• Diagnose more than you prescribe.
• Be more curious than critical.

That’s it. Four lines. Four habits.

But they’ll transform your leadership more than any strategy, framework, or system you’ll ever learn.

Because leadership isn’t about what you know. It’s about what you can draw out of others.

And you can’t draw anything out of people you’re too busy talking at.

The Challenge

Here’s what I ask you to do this week:

In your next three significant conversations or meetings, track how much you talk versus how much you listen.

Be honest. Use a notepad if you have to.

Then ask yourself: Am I talking more than 40% of the time?

If yes, adjust.

Ask one more question before you make your next statement. Wait one more beat before you fill the silence. Invite one more perspective before you share your own.

Small adjustments. Significant results.

The Final Word

What got you to the leadership role was your knowledge, your capability, your voice.

What will make you great in the leadership role is your curiosity, your listening, your questions.

The shift isn’t easy. Because it requires you to value what others know more than what you know.

But it’s the shift that separates good leaders from great ones.

Talk less. Ask more. Listen deeply. Diagnose before you prescribe.

And watch your team come alive.

What’s one question you could ask your team this week that you’ve been answering for them?