Not All Warriors Are On the Mat

I have spent most of my life connecting with warriors.

On the mat. On the jobsite. In the gym.

Men and women who show up, do the work, and refuse to quit when things get hard.

But I have also learned something that took me years to see.

Not all warriors train.

Some of them farm.

The Man in the Field

I stumbled across Chris Newman’s YouTube channel a few months ago.

He posts funny shit.

He educates people about regenerative farming versus corporate farming.

He explains why farmers markets are not always the best place to get your food, even though my wife Amy would probably disagree with that one.

He teaches me about minority culture and American history that I was not aware of, because they do not teach that stuff in school.

Chris and his partners run Blackbird Coop.

He raises chickens and cattle. He delivers in his local area.

He is out there in the dirt with a shovel in his hands, building something real.

But one short of his made me laugh and cry at the same time.

In the video, a young woman is listing everything she hates about her body.

“If I wasn’t fat.”

“If I wasn’t so curvy.”

“If I had a flat stomach.”

“If my boobs didn’t sag.”

“If my bum wasn’t so wide and full of cellulite.”

“If I didn’t have stretch marks.”

“And my scars and all the dimples and the spots.”

“I look in the mirror and I hate every single part of myself.”

“And all I can think about is how of course no one loves me. I don’t love me. Why would anyone choose to love me?”

She is not performing. She is not fishing for compliments.

She is telling the truth about what she sees when she looks at herself.

And it is devastating.

And Chris, God bless him, answers every single one.

He tells her he wants the whole body to feel like a titty.

He tells her if her titties cannot knock him unconscious, they have nothing to talk about.

He asks what he is going to do with a flat stomach, he needs a sparring partner?

He tells her stretch marks are a topographic map to find the highest peak.

He calls her scars and dimples “pieces of flair” and quotes Office Space while he does it.

He tells her to find a man instead of a boy.

And then he says the line that broke me.

“That’s because all the people that set y’all’s beauty standards was on that island and they like, ‘Little girl.’”

Then he closes with: “I’m going to make my wife some cornbread.”

This man is a warrior.

Not because he trains. Not because he fights.

Because he stands in front of a woman who has been told her whole life that she is not enough, and he tells her the truth: the people who set the standard were never her people.

The right people already see her.

The right people want exactly what she is.

And he does it with humor. With warmth. With absolute conviction.

That is a different kind of fight.

There Is a Flavor for Everyone

I learned this lesson years ago, long before I ever saw Chris Newman.

I was working at Children’s Hospital on Vermont Avenue. Four of us, electricians, taking a coffee break by the open window on the third floor. We saw a group of four women walking down the sidewalk toward us.

Somebody said, “On the count of three, which one do you prefer?”

One. Two. Three.

Each guy picked a different woman.

Four men. Four women. Four different tastes.

We each had a different flavor.

And we each found one we liked.

Same thing happened with my buddy Wayo. We were standing somewhere, talking, and he looked past me with that look.

You know the look. The one that says I would do things that would make my mother disown me.

I turned around to see what he was looking at.

She was not my type. Not even close.

But she was absolutely his.

Different strokes for different folks.

Different flavors for different people.

This is not a small thing. This is not a throwaway observation.

This is the thing that most people never learn.

The Trap

The young woman in Chris’s video is not broken.

She is not ugly.

She is not unlovable.

She is not too much or not enough.

She is judging herself by the feedback of people who do not appreciate her.

And those people are not her audience.

They were never going to choose her.

They do not have her flavor on their palate.

That is not a flaw in her.

That is a mismatch between what she offers and what they want.

But she has been told her whole life that the standard is the standard.

That the people on the island set the rules.

That if she does not fit the mold, she is the problem.

So she contorts herself.

She tries to become something she is not.

She tries to appeal to people who were never going to value her in the first place.

And she ends up hating every part of herself.

Not because she is not special. Not because she is not beautiful.

Because she is trying to please people who do not want what she has.

That is the trap.

And it is not just about body image. It is not just about women. It is not just about dating.

It is about everything.

The Guy Who Tries to Be Someone Else

I have seen this on the mat a hundred times.

A new student walks in. He watches the upper belts.

He sees how they move. He sees their game. He tries to copy it.

He tries to move like the lanky purple belt even though he is built like a fire hydrant.

He tries to play guard like the flexible blue belt even though his hips are tighter than a rusted bolt.

He tries to force himself into a style that does not fit his body.

And he gets smashed. Over and over.

Not because he is not talented. Not because he is not working hard.

Because he is trying to be someone else’s flavor.

The day he stops doing that is the day he starts getting good.

He learns to use his pressure.

He learns to use his strength.

He learns that his body type has advantages that the lanky guy will never have.

He stops trying to be the person other people want him to be and starts becoming the person he actually is.

Same thing in business. Same thing in life.

You cannot build a life that works by trying to appeal to people who do not value what you actually bring.

You have to find your people.

Chris Newman Is a Warrior

Here is what I keep coming back to.

Chris Newman is not on the mat. He is in the field.

With a shovel. With dirt under his fingernails.

Building something real.

He is fighting corporate farming.

He is fighting the industrial food system that poisons people and destroys soil.

He is fighting the version of history that erases minority culture and contribution.

He is doing it with humor. With intelligence. With a kind of honesty you do not see every day.

And he is doing it for his people.

He is not trying to appeal to everyone.

He is not softening his message.

He is not trying to be palatable to people who were never going to buy his chickens anyway.

He is being exactly who he is. And the people who get it, get it.

The people who want what he is selling, buy it.

That is what a warrior looks like.

Not someone who can choke you unconscious.

Someone who has found his purpose, found his people, and refuses to apologize for either one.

Some warriors carry swords. Some carry shovels. Some carry conduit benders. Some carry a pen. Some carry a spatula. Some carry a baby on their hip.

The uniform does not matter. The arena does not matter.

What matters is the willingness to fight for something real.

I wish I lived closer to where his farm is. I would buy his chickens and his beef. I would shake his hand and tell him he is a badass.

But I cannot do that. So I will do the next best thing.

I will share his story.

Maybe one or two of my readers will discover him.

Maybe they will give him their business.

Maybe they will learn something about regenerative farming, or minority history, or what it looks like when a man stands up and tells a woman she is beautiful exactly as she is.

Because Chris is a badass.

And we need to support more badass people like him.

Put It On the Mat

Here is what I want you to take from this.

There is a flavor for everyone.

If you are trying to appeal to people who do not value you, stop.

You are wasting your time.

You are contorting yourself for an audience that was never going to clap.

You are twisting yourself into shapes that do not fit you, hoping that eventually someone will notice.

They will not.

Because they were never looking for your flavor in the first place.

Find your people.

The ones who want what you actually have.

The ones who appreciate your flavor.

The ones who look at you the way Wayo looked at that woman walking down the street.

And if you are a warrior, recognize that not all warriors are on the mat.

Some are in the fields. Some are on the jobsite. Some are in the kitchen making cornbread for their wife. Some are running businesses. Some are raising kids. Some are fighting battles you will never see and will never know about.

The young woman in Chris’s video is fighting a battle too.

She is fighting the version of herself that was handed to her by people who do not love her.

And Chris, God bless him, stepped into that fight and told her the truth.

And the people who set the standard were never your people.

Go find Chris Newman. Watch his videos.​

Buy his chickens and his beef if you are local.

Support badass people who are doing real work in the world.

And if you are the one looking in the mirror and hating what you see, hear this:

There is a flavor for everyone.

Someone out there is looking for exactly what you are.

Stop performing for the people who do not want it.

⚔ The Dojo Drill

Today’s training:

The Brotherhood Drill

Invite someone to:

• coffee
• training
• conversation

Strong men build strong circles.

📚 Leader’s Library

Book I recommend this week:

​​​Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink​

Why?

Because if you don't take ownership for your life, you are giving your power away, making you weaker, more stupid and less successful.

P.S. Know a martial arts gym owner who’s stressed about money or student numbers?

Do them a favor: send them to The Leader's Dōjō, my website where I help owners get more students and keep them longer with simple systems.

One forward from you could change their gym: The Leader's Dōjō​

Chuck