"Most People Can't Hear What You're Saying Over What Your Body Is Screaming"

Why Mastering Non-Verbal Communication Might Be the Most Important Skill You Ever Learn

Shrinking But Growing

I used to be 5’4”. Not tall, not short—just... there.

Now I’m 5’2” on a bad day. Maybe 5’3” when my spine decompresses, the stars align, and I’ve had a good stretch on the mat.

Decades of working construction does that to a guy. You carry hundreds of pounds of conduit, climb scaffolds, drop into crawlspaces, take hits, get back up, and over time... gravity wins.

But here’s the funny part: people rarely believe me when I tell them my height.

I’ve had guys on Zoom calls—most of them younger, fitter, and taller—assume I’m 5’10” or more. They’re genuinely surprised when I tell them I’m just a wiry little bastard who's learned to carry himself well.

It even happens on the mat. I laugh at people's surprise when they ask me my size and say "You don't seem that small..."

It’s not just how I stand. It’s the way I move. The way I enter a room. The way I hold eye contact.

I learned this from martial arts. From getting knocked down and getting back up. From facing fear and standing tall anyway. From listening to my instructors, not just with my ears—but with my eyes.

And from realizing that most of what people “say” has nothing to do with their words.

Robert Cialdini, in his must-read book Influence, wrote about how police departments used to have height requirements—not for any tactical reason, but because people obey taller men.

Chris Voss, ex-FBI negotiator, backed it up in Never Split the Difference:

You could be saying all the right things—but if your posture, tone, and presence say otherwise, you’re already losing the fight.

Why Non-Verbal Communication Is Your Real Voice

1. The 7-38-55 Rule: Why Words Don’t Matter as Much as You Think

Chris Voss didn’t make this up—he borrowed it from psychologist Albert Mehrabian.

• 7% of communication is words.
• 38% is tone of voice.
• 55% is body language.

That means 93% of what people respond to has nothing to do with what you say—and everything to do with how you show up.

Ever been told, “It’s not what you said, it’s how you said it”? That’s the 93% talking.

Here’s the hard truth most guys in their 20s and 30s don’t want to hear:

Not long term. Not sustainably. Not in a way that earns real trust or commands real respect.

But you can build it.

And that confidence starts with your body.

2. Posture and Presence: How the Body Leads the Mind

Your body is either a billboard or a warning sign.

Slumped shoulders, downward gaze, arms crossed over your chest—these don’t just “look” weak, they make you feel weak.

​Amy Cuddy’s research on power poses shows this clearly:

• Just two minutes of standing tall (shoulders back, chest open) boosts testosterone and lowers cortisol.
• The opposite posture (hunched, small, closed off) does the opposite.

​

Your nervous system listens to your posture.

You want to feel like a warrior?
Start standing like one.

This is why martial arts training is so powerful—it trains your nervous system through the body.
It teaches:

• Relaxed alertness (not being stiff, but not sloppy either)
• Grounded movement (not shuffling, not floating, but rooted)
• Eye contact that isn’t confrontational, but not submissive either

You walk differently after a year on the mat.
You look people in the eye.
You don’t puff up—but you don’t fold either.

This isn’t arrogance. It’s earned presence.

3. Tone and Tempo: What Your Voice Reveals

You can tell when someone’s scared. You can hear it.

A shaky voice, a rushed sentence, filler words like “um” and “like”... it’s like watching a deer try to cross the freeway.

The opposite? A calm, slow, deliberate tone. The kind of voice that doesn’t need to yell to be heard.

Watch Jocko Willink. Or Denzel Washington in Training Day. Or a seasoned black belt teaching white belts.

They don’t bark. They speak with weight. Because their tone matches their conviction.

You don’t need to raise your voice if you’ve already raised your presence.

4. Micro-Expressions and Signals: People Notice Everything

Even if they don’t know they’re noticing it.

• You flinch when someone gets close? They feel it.
• You break eye contact when challenged? They sense it.
• You fidget, tap your leg, shift your weight, or cover your neck with your hand? They subconsciously register all of it.

This is why high-level negotiators, poker players, and fighters train in reading tells.

Your goal?

To become unreadable. Or better yet, to broadcast strength, calm, and clarity.

This doesn’t mean fake stoicism. It means integrity between your inner and outer worlds.

Martial arts doesn’t just train you to move.
It trains you to be still under pressure.

That stillness? That’s the quietest, loudest message you’ll ever send.

5. Digital Body Language: You Can’t Hide on Zoom

Some of you think you’ve escaped this by hiding behind screens. Sorry, brother.

Zoom, FaceTime, selfies, stories—they all capture your non-verbal communication just the same.

A weak chin, bad lighting, slouching into the camera... you’re giving away power before you even say “hello.”

Train yourself to look into the lens, not the screen. Sit up. Breathe. Speak with intention.

You’re not just on a call. You’re on stage.

6. How to Start Training Your Non-Verbal Voice

• Record yourself speaking and watch it back. Not to criticize—but to observe. Would you listen to you?
• Film yourself walking into a room. Are you present or are you disappearing into the wall?
• Practice posture daily. Wall drills, shoulder resets, breath work.
• Join a martial arts gym. Doesn’t matter if it’s BJJ, boxing, Muay Thai. You’ll get immediate feedback from your body and others.
• Lift weights. Not for size—for posture. Strength shows up in how you move.

And most importantly: treat your presence like a skill—not a trait.

It’s earned. And it pays dividends.

Putting It On the Mat: The Day I Got Mistaken for Someone I Wasn’t

A few years back, I was sitting in a café overseas with my wife. Just a little place near the coast, nothing fancy.

This young guy—tall, athletic, maybe late 20s—was sitting across from us. We struck up a conversation. He was polite, curious, asked me what I did.

I told him I was retired.

He paused. “Military?” he asked.

I laughed. “Nah. Electrician.”

He looked confused. “You just... carry yourself like you’ve seen some things.”

I smiled and took a sip of coffee.

That kid didn’t know my height. He didn’t know my resume. He just felt something.

That’s the thing about non-verbal communication. It’s not about status or muscles or shouting louder. It’s about transmission.

What are you transmitting to the world?

Because every day, whether you know it or not, you are communicating your:

• Conviction
• Confidence
• Composure
• Competence

Without saying a word.

I didn’t always have this. As a kid, I was small, scared, and unsure of myself. I got picked on. I stayed quiet. I watched the world from the sidelines.

What changed?

• I learned to speak with my chest—not my ego.
• I learned to take up space—not with volume, but with presence.
• I learned that posture, eye contact, and calmness under pressure are far more powerful than clever lines or fancy clothes.

So here’s your challenge:

👊 Your Turn — Put It On the Mat:

• Film yourself today. Walk into a room. Speak a few lines. Watch it. What do you see?
• Start training in something that gives you feedback. Martial arts. Weightlifting. Acting. Public speaking. Doesn’t matter—just start.
• Practice being still. Breathe. Hold eye contact. Let silence speak for you.

And most importantly...

Stop waiting to be taken seriously.​
Start carrying yourself like someone who already is.

Would you like help training that kind of presence?

At The Leader’s Dojo, we train warriors and leaders—on the mat and off it.
You don’t need to be tall. You don’t need to be loud.
You just need to be willing to train the body that speaks before your mouth does.

Are you sicked and tired of being surrounded by losers, lemmings and Luddites?

Then join the Leader's Dojo, where you not only discover how badass you are but you're surrounded by other badass warriors and leaders who will help you to be even better.

​Join now here!​