The One Leadership Mistake That Kills Your Credibility Before You Even Open Your Mouth

You can’t lead anyone when your word means nothing. Here’s how you’re cutting your own legs out from under you.

Ravi told me a interesting story recently.

He was living in Brazil at the time. He was wanted on a BJJ-teaching team badly enough to fly him to Los Angeles for the final interview and hiring process.

Except they kept screwing up his plane ticket.

Wrong date. Wrong airline. Wrong airport.

Three times.

Each time, Ravi had to reach back out. Each time, they apologized and promised to fix it. Each time, they messed it up again.

And each time, their credibility took another hit.

Ravi eventually got to LA. Got hired. And it was great while it lasted.

Until it wasn't.

Apparently keeping their word wasn't their only issue.

Less than a month later Ravi decided to move on.

Too much drama he said.

And his story still bothers me.

Not because of the mistake—mistakes happen.

But because they made the same mistake three times in a row while claiming they’d handle it.

They said they’d do something. Then didn’t do it. Repeatedly.

That’s the one leadership mistake that destroys everything else you’re trying to build.

Not doing what you say.
Not saying what you do.

And many leaders don’t even realize they’re making this mistake.

The Mistake That Undermines Everything

Leadership credibility comes down to one thing:

Does your word mean anything?

Not your title. Not your vision. Not your charisma or your strategy or your credentials.

Your word.

• When you say something will happen, does it happen?
• When you commit to something, do you follow through?
• When you make a promise—explicit or implied—do you keep it?

If the answer is no, you don’t have a leadership problem.

You have a credibility problem.

And credibility is the foundation everything else is built on.

Without it, your team doesn’t trust you.

Your clients don’t believe you.

Your family doesn’t rely on you.

And you can’t lead anyone who doesn’t trust, believe, or rely on you.

Here’s the brutal part:

You’re probably destroying your own credibility every single day without even noticing.

The Three Ways We Cut Our Own Legs Out

There are three reasons leaders fail to do what they say or say what they do:

1. Rushing to make decisions

2. Not having an accountability system

3. Having poor boundaries

Let’s break them down.

1. Rushing to Make Decisions

You’re in a meeting. Someone asks if you can handle something. You say yes without thinking.

You’re on a call. A client asks for a deadline. You throw out a date that sounds reasonable.

You’re talking to your kid. They ask if you’ll be at their game. You say “probably” because you want to say yes but you’re not sure.

In every case, you made a commitment before you actually thought it through.

And when you rush decisions, you make promises you can’t keep.

Not because you’re dishonest.

Because you didn’t take the time to ask:

• Do I actually have the capacity for this?
• Do I have the resources to make this happen?
• Is this timeline realistic?
• What else am I already committed to that might conflict?

Most leaders operate in reactive mode.

Someone asks. You answer. You move on.

You don’t pause. You don’t think. You don’t check your calendar or your bandwidth or your other commitments.

You just say yes because it feels better in the moment than saying, “Let me check and get back to you.”

But here’s what happens:

You say yes. Then you realize you can’t deliver. So you either:

• Break the commitment entirely
• Deliver late
• Deliver poorly
• Renegotiate at the last minute

And every single one of those outcomes damages your credibility.

2. Not Having an Accountability System

Your brain is not a filing cabinet.

It’s not a calendar. It’s not a task manager. It’s not an alarm system.

Your brain is a problem-solving, sense-making tool.

But it can only do that job when you free up the mental bandwidth.

And you can’t free up bandwidth when you’re trying to remember:

• What you committed to
• When you committed to do it
• Who you committed to do it for
• What the next step is
• What’s blocking you from starting

That’s too much to hold in your head.

Especially in a fast-paced, hyper-connected world where you’re getting pulled in fifteen directions at once.

So what happens?

You forget. You miss deadlines. You drop balls. You remember at the last minute and scramble to deliver something half-baked.

And every time, your credibility takes a hit.

I used to think I could hold it all in my head. I was wrong.

The best thing I learned from David Allen’s Getting Things Done wasn’t his system—honestly, his full system doesn’t work for me.

It was the principle:

Get everything out of your head and into a system that holds, organizes, reminds, and retrieves it for you.

That way, you’re free to do what needs to be done when it needs to be done.

Without a system, you’re relying on memory and hope.

And hope is not a strategy.

3. Having Poor Boundaries

This is the big one.

​My wife has a full calendar of clients who struggle with this one.

A lot of leaders destroy their credibility because they can’t set, hold, or communicate boundaries.

Someone asks for something unreasonable. You say yes because you don’t want to disappoint them.

Someone pushes a deadline. You accept it even though it screws up everything else on your plate.

Someone demands your time. You give it because you don’t know how to say no.

And every time you accept something you shouldn’t, you’re setting yourself up to fail.

Because you’re over-committed, under-resourced, and trying to keep promises you never should have made in the first place.

Here’s what most people don’t understand:

Boundaries aren’t about being harsh.

They’re about being honest.

When you say yes to something you can’t deliver, you’re lying.

When you accept a commitment you don’t have capacity for, you’re lying.

When you agree to a timeline that’s unrealistic, you’re lying.

Not because you’re malicious. Because you don’t want to let people down.

But here’s the irony:

By saying yes when you should say no, you guarantee you’ll let them down later.

And letting someone down after you promised them something is worse than setting a boundary up front.

The Tax Accountant’s Sign That Changed How I Think About Boundaries

I used to go to a tax accountant who specialized in blue-collar guys like me.

He knew all the deductions we could legally claim that we’d never think of ourselves. He was good at his job. I liked him.

But what I remember most wasn’t his tax advice.

It was the framed sign on the wall above his desk.

Positioned so every client could see it.

It read:

It was a not-so-subtle dig at clients who waited until the last minute, showed up unprepared, and expected him to fix everything.

And I loved it.

Because it was a boundary.

He wasn’t being mean. He was being clear.

Your poor planning doesn’t create an obligation on my end.

Your emergency doesn’t automatically become my emergency.

Your lack of preparation doesn’t mean I have to drop everything and bail you out.

That’s a boundary.

And boundaries are the most important leadership skill nobody teaches.

Boundaries Aren’t Learned in Business School—They’re Learned on the Mat

The most important skill I learned from decades of martial arts training wasn’t my ability to punch, kick, throw, choke, or joint-lock someone.

It was the ability to set, hold, and communicate a boundary—and to enforce consequences when that boundary was violated.

On the mat, boundaries are physical and immediate.

You set a boundary: “Don’t crank submissions. Control your power.”

If someone violates it, there’s a consequence: “I’m not rolling with you anymore.”

Simple. Clear. Non-negotiable.

Off the mat, boundaries work the same way—but most people are afraid to enforce them.

They set a boundary, someone pushes back, and they fold.

They say, “I need this by Friday,” and when the person delivers on Monday, they accept it without consequence.

They say, “I can’t take on any more projects right now,” and when someone pressures them, they cave.

And every time they fold, their boundary becomes meaningless.

Here’s the truth:

A boundary without a consequence isn’t a boundary.

It’s a suggestion.

And suggestions don’t earn respect.

Consequences Don’t Have to Be Physical (But They Do Have to Be Real)

When I talk about consequences, people assume I mean aggression or punishment.

I don’t.

Consequences can be simple:

• “If this isn’t done by the agreed-upon deadline, we’ll need to revisit the scope of the project.”
• “If you continue to show up late, you won’t be included in the next planning meeting.”
• “If this happens again, I’ll need to find someone else to handle this responsibility.”

The consequence doesn’t have to be harsh.

It just has to be real.

And you have to follow through.

Because if you set a boundary, someone violates it, and there’s no consequence, you just taught them that your boundaries don’t matter.

Which means you don’t matter.

And once people learn that your word is negotiable, your leadership is over.

The Complexity Trap: Why I Keep My Life Simple

I keep my life simple for one reason:

When I spin too many plates, they all come crashing down.

Even when I was running crews on multi-million and billion-dollar construction projects, I did my best to keep it simple.

Not because I was stupid.

Because I wanted to be successful.

And complexity kills success.

The more commitments you make, the more likely you are to drop one.

The more projects you take on, the more likely you are to deliver poorly.

The more people you try to please, the more likely you are to disappoint someone.

Simple systems work.

Complex systems fail.

And when you’re trying to lead—whether it’s a team, a business, or your own household—you need systems that work.

The Three-Part Formula for Keeping Your Word

If you want to stop cutting your leadership off at the knees, here’s the formula:

1. Don’t Rush Decisions

When someone asks you to commit to something, pause.

Don’t answer immediately.

Say:

• “Let me think about that and confirm.”
• “Let me check my calendar and get back to you.”
• “Give me 24 hours to make sure I can deliver on that.”

Then actually check:

• Do I have the time?
• Do I have the resources?
• Does this conflict with other commitments?
• Is this timeline realistic?

If the answer to any of those is no, renegotiate before you commit.

Not after.

2. Use an Accountability System

Get everything out of your head and into a system.

I don’t care what system you use:

• A notebook
• A digital task manager
• A calendar with reminders
• A project management tool

Pick one. Use it consistently.

Every commitment goes in the system.

Every deadline gets a reminder.

Every task gets tracked until it’s done.

Your brain is for thinking, not for remembering.

Free it up to do its actual job.

3. Set, Hold, and Communicate Boundaries

Before you say yes, ask:

• Should I take this on?
• Do I have capacity for this?
• What will I have to say no to in order to say yes to this?

If the answer is that you’ll have to break other commitments, compromise your standards, or burn yourself out, the answer is no.

And when you set a boundary, hold it.

If someone pushes, restate the boundary.

If they violate it, enforce the consequence.

Not out of anger. Out of respect.

For yourself and for the people who rely on your word.

What Happens When You Do What You Say and Say What You Do

When you keep your word consistently, three things happen:

1. People Trust You

They know that when you commit, you deliver.

They don’t have to chase you, remind you, or worry that you’ll flake.

They can rely on you.

And trust is the foundation of leadership.

2. People Respect You

They see that your boundaries aren’t negotiable.

They learn that your word isn’t cheap.

They recognize that you don’t make promises lightly—and when you do, you keep them.

And respect is what makes people follow you.

3. You Respect Yourself

You’re not constantly apologizing for dropping balls.

You’re not scrambling to cover commitments you never should have made.

You’re not lying awake at night stressed about everything you’ve promised and can’t deliver.

You’re in control.

And that clarity, that integrity, that alignment between what you say and what you do?

That’s leadership.

The Ravi Story: What I Learned

Ravi was eventually hired by that BJJ gym.

He was a great addition to the team.

But those plane tickets planted a seed in his head.

Because every time something else messed up, they were telling him:

“Our systems are weak. Our follow-through is inconsistent. Our word isn’t solid.”

And so they lost him.

They got lucky getting Ravi.

But luck isn’t a strategy.

And they eventually lost him to "bad luck."

The lesson wasn’t “make sure you book the right plane ticket.”

The lesson was:

If you say you’re going to do something, do it.

The first time.

Or don’t say it.

Because every time you fail to deliver, you’re chipping away at the only thing that makes leadership possible:

Your credibility.

Your 72-Hour Challenge: Audit Your Commitments

Here’s your challenge:

In the next 72 hours, audit every commitment you’ve made in the last 30 days.

Write them down:

• What did you promise?
• To whom?
• By when?
• Have you delivered?

For every commitment you haven’t kept, ask:

• Why didn’t I deliver?
• Did I rush the decision?
• Did I lack a system to track it?
• Did I fail to set or hold a boundary?

Then fix it.

Either deliver on the commitment, renegotiate it, or communicate clearly why you can’t fulfill it.

Clean up your credibility.

And moving forward, apply the formula:

• Don’t rush decisions
• Use an accountability system
• Set, hold, and communicate boundaries

Because when you do what you say and say what you do, you don’t just become a better leader.

You become someone people can actually follow.

Reply with this: One commitment you made that you didn’t keep, and what you’re doing to fix it.