What Do You Do When You’re Afraid?

Fear Is the Test. And the Answer.

I still remember the first time I walked onto a jobsite as a green apprentice.

It was in Long Beach, I was working on a production facility for the C-17 Globemaster setting up the huge jigs for the cargo plan and setting and pulling the control circuits for some of the gear.

It was awesomely overwhelming!

And here I was steel-toed boots too clean, hardhat too white, and hands that hadn’t yet known the weight of real work.

My journeyman gave me a look I would come to know well—half amusement, half warning—and pointed to the 150-foot zoom boom.​

“You afraid of heights?” he asked, knowing damn well the answer.

“Not really,” I lied.

By the time I reached the top, the platform swaying slightly in the breeze, my legs were shaking so badly I had to crouch just to feel steady.

I couldn’t focus. Couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t move.

My heart beat like a jackhammer, and all I could think about was what if I fall?

That moment didn’t make me weak.

But what I did next could have.

See, I could’ve climbed back down and made excuses.

Could’ve played it safe, waited until I “felt ready,” and let fear have its way with me.

In fact, I've seen guys over the years who did just that.

But I didn’t. I stayed. I studied the tools. I learned the harness system. I practiced how to steady my balance. I got prepared.

The secret was to practice when the boom wasn't extended too far, then as I got better with the controls, extend it further and then further again.

In a way, it was the first time I really understood the flow channel of matching skill to difficulty.

And the next time I went up?

I still felt fear—but I wasn’t afraid of it anymore.

Because I knew what to do with it.

Most young men treat fear like a stop sign. But the truth?

Fear isn’t a stop sign. It’s a signal.

A messenger. A drill instructor yelling: “You’re not ready yet. So get ready.”

And how you respond to that signal? That’s the difference between being a wimp and becoming a warrior.

The Nature of Fear:
What It Actually Is

Fear gets a bad rap in our modern world.

We’ve been sold the idea that “real men” aren’t afraid—or worse, that fear is something to be conquered, crushed, or ignored.

That’s bullshit.

Fear is information.

It’s feedback from your nervous system that something important is at stake and you’re not fully prepared.

The problem is that most people—especially young men—don’t know what fear really is, so they misread the signal.

They think fear means don’t try. So they hide. Procrastinate. Overthink. Distract themselves. They keep scrolling, gaming, talking—but never training.

What they don’t realize is this:

Let me put it to you straight:

• If you’re afraid to talk to that girl? It’s probably because you’ve never practiced basic social skills and your self-worth is tied to her reaction.
• If you’re afraid to take a new job or launch a side hustle? It’s probably because you haven’t built the skills, savings, or mindset to handle uncertainty.
• If you’re afraid to stand up for yourself? It’s probably because you’ve never practiced speaking clearly, setting boundaries, or handling confrontation.

Fear exposes the gap between who you are and who you need to become.

Wimps Worry.
Warriors Prepare.

Here’s what separates losers from leaders: wimps worry, warriors train.

Wimps sit around in analysis-paralysis, googling “how to not be afraid,” watching another motivational video, maybe even buying a course they won’t finish.

They treat fear like something that will magically go away if they think about it hard enough.

Warriors do something very different.

They use fear.

They lean into it. They study it. They break it down. They ask:

• What is this fear trying to teach me?
• Where am I unprepared?
• What am I avoiding?
• What’s the worst-case scenario—and can I train for that?

Then they go out and do the reps. In private. In silence. With no applause.

That’s the difference. Wimps hope the challenge won’t come. Warriors prepare for it.

Fear as Your Training Partner

Think of fear as a black belt instructor who’s always two steps ahead of you.

They’re not trying to scare you for fun.

They’re testing you.

Pressuring you.

Helping you find your weak spots so you can shore them up before real danger arrives.

I had an Hapkido instructor, Mr. Carpenter, who every time I would spar with him, we would start off nice and easy and then he would progressively turn it up, until he was "redlining" me, taking me beyond my skill or ability.

He would gauge how I responded as he put me under pressure and if that threshold for my anxiety was getting better and higher, or not.

He would then stop and share with me, how I did and how to be better.

A wise warrior doesn’t resent fear.

He respects it. Trains with it. And sometimes, even thanks it.

Because fear points the way. It’s the doorway to courage.

And courage, as John Wayne said, is not the absence of fear, but being scared to death and saddling up anyway.

If you’re not scared, you’re not pushing yourself.

If you never feel fear, you’re probably stuck in comfort. And comfort doesn’t build anything worth having.

How to Use Fear:
The Warrior's Strategy

Here’s a battle-tested 4-step framework I use and teach:

1. Name the Fear

Get clear. What exactly are you afraid of?

Not just “failure” or “rejection.”

Be specific. “I’m afraid I’ll sound stupid when I speak.” “I’m afraid I’ll lose money and look like a fool.”

Write it down.

2. Analyze the Gap

What skills, experience, or preparation are missing that would make you feel more confident?

What do you wish you had in place?

3. Train for It

Start training immediately.

Break it down into small drills.

Practice speaking up once a day. Role-play tough conversations.

Build a micro-business with $50.

Reps, not results, are the goal.

4. Repeat with Courage

Now, do the thing. Feel the fear.​

Let it be there.

And do it anyway—not recklessly, but with your preparation as your shield.

This isn’t about becoming fearless.

It’s about becoming formidable.

Putting It On the Mat

Years later, I was on the mat with a guy half my age, built like a panther, fast, fluid, and hungry.

He looked me over and probably thought, This old man is mine.

He came in hot—like most do when they’re fueled by ego and not wisdom.

I let him rush in. I stayed calm. Patient.

I knew where I was weak, but I had trained those areas.

My defense was tight. My base solid.

He kept attacking. I kept surviving. Breathing. Conserving energy.

Eventually, he made a mistake. He got frustrated. Sloppy.

And in that moment—I moved.

Sweep. Pass. Control.

I didn’t win because I was fearless.

I won because I was prepared.

See, what most people don’t understand is that fear never disappears. Not in the cage. Not in business. Not in relationships. Not in life.

But when you put in the reps—day after day, drill after drill—fear stops being a wall and becomes a door.

That’s what warriors do.

They don’t hope the fear goes away.

They train until it doesn’t matter.

And now, it’s your turn.

Here’s your mat.

Think of one thing you’re afraid of right now.

Just one.

Now ask yourself:

• What is this fear trying to tell me?
• Where am I unprepared?
• What one thing could I do today to train for it?

And then—do that.

Not tomorrow. Not “once I feel ready.”

Today.

You don’t need more confidence. You need more competence.

You don’t need more inspiration. You need more reps.

You don’t need to be fearless. You need to be a warrior.

So put it on the mat.

Train with your fear.

And one day, when it shows up again—it won’t be a monster.

It’ll be a mirror.

And you’ll see the man you’ve become staring back.

Are you sicked and tired of being surrounded by losers, lemmings and Luddites?

Then join the Leader's Dojo, where you not only discover how badass you are but you're surrounded by other badass warriors and leaders who will help you to be even better.

​Join now here!​