The Danger of Your Silo: Why the Best Leaders Learn From Everyone (Even People They Disagree With)

If you want to be a good leader, learn to think for yourself.
If you want to be a great leader, learn to think like others.

It was 1995. I was just an intermediate student of hapkido, fresh off earning my blue belt and finally starting to take my training seriously.

I’d sometimes train by myself on the small mat after completing my evening classes. On Wednesday nights, this had an added benefit: I could peek through the doorway at the black belt class that started at 8 p.m.

Most of the time, I didn’t understand what they were doing. The techniques were too advanced. The movements too subtle.

But it gave me insight that would pay off years later when I’d be learning those same techniques.

One night always stood out. Not just for the lesson I learned, but for the realization that even as black belts, we were all still on the path of learning, growing, and evolving.

Not arriving. Still learning.

That night, the black belts donned their sparring gear and lined up to spar—kumite style.​

One match in particular I’ll never forget.

​A newly promoted black belt was upset at another black belt who had a couple years more experience—and experience with other martial arts.

The junior black belt was pissed because the senior belt had used a technique “we don’t teach in our school.”

Apparently, he got blindsided by the strike and felt it was “unfair.”

I remember thinking to myself:

“What better place than the safety of the dojo for a fellow classmate to show you the openings in your defense? Better here than out there.”

Now, to be fair to the junior black belt, the senior guy was a handful. We’d joined the dojang at the same time as white belts in 1987. I remember when we first began sparring as orange belts—he was, and still is, a force to be reckoned with.

I literally had nightmares of sparring with him. Being overwhelmed by the intensity and quickness of his attacks. They were under control, but that’s a relative term. And he had advanced while I took time off for my electrical apprenticeship and recovering from my splenectomy.

So I can see how the junior black belt felt flummoxed. Maybe his ego took a hit. Made worse by being tagged with something he’d never seen before.

But isn’t that the point of training? Discovering your strengths and weaknesses. Capitalizing on the former while minimizing the latter.

I guess he didn’t see it that way that night.

And that’s the problem today.

The Problem With Silos

We live in silos.

Algorithm-driven social media. Echo chambers. Communities where we only hear what we already believe.

We say only what we’re accustomed to. We don’t take in or consider alternative viewpoints.

I see it all the time on the mat, especially from noobs and guys with limited martial arts experience.

They love touting the strengths of their particular style. They minimize the effectiveness of other styles—even though they have no experience with them.

I see it in my new love of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, especially from guys who like to compete or train with the competition point system in mind.

They tend to be square. They lean over. Something a guy like me—trained with the kicks of hapkido—salivates at. I’m looking at that exposed face. That vulnerable knee.

But I also realize they’re learning the basics of a new sport. They’re not coming at it from a jutsu mindset. Yet.

And I see it on social media with political, racial, religious, and class “warfare.”

But they haven’t taken any time whatsoever to explore the other side with curiosity instead of criticism.

They’ve never tried to understand. Only to condemn.

What I Learned From the Debate Team

I was part of the speech team in grade school and high school.

But I regret that I never did the debate contests. I was both intimidated and amazed at how the kids on the debate team could equally argue both sides of an argument.

Because at the time of the contest, they didn’t know which side they’d be given.

So they needed to know both sides. To see the value in both. To argue both sides with equal intelligence, fervor, and logical reasoning.

I think we need more of that today.

There’s a quote—I don’t who I originally heard it from;​

Not to believe both at the same time.

But to understand both.

To see the logic in both.

To recognize the validity in both.

That’s what great leaders do.

Good Leaders vs. Great Leaders

Here’s the distinction:

If you want to be a good leader, learn to think for yourself.

Don’t just follow the crowd. Don’t just accept what you’re told. Develop your own perspective. Your own judgment. Your own principles.

That’s good leadership.

But if you want to be a great leader, you need to go further.

If you want to be a great leader, learn to think like others.

Not just people who agree with you. Not just people in your silo.

People who see the world differently. People who challenge your assumptions. People who use techniques “we don’t teach in our school.”

Because those are the people who will expose the openings in your thinking. The blind spots in your strategy. The weaknesses in your approach.

And better to discover those in the safety of learning than out in the real world where the stakes are higher.

Why Silos Are Dangerous

Here’s what happens when you stay in your silo:

1. You stop learning.

If you only train with people who do the same techniques, you never learn to defend against anything else.

If you only listen to people who agree with you, you never challenge your assumptions.

Your growth stops.

2. You become predictable.

If you only know one style, one approach, one perspective, you become easy to counter.

Your opponents—whether on the mat or in business or in life—can see you coming a mile away.

3. You develop blind spots.

Every style has weaknesses. Every perspective has limitations. Every approach has gaps.

If you never expose yourself to other styles, other perspectives, other approaches, you never see your own weaknesses.

4. You become brittle.

When you only train in one environment, you can’t adapt to different conditions.

When you only engage with one perspective, you can’t handle complexity.

You become rigid. And rigid things break.

5. You miss opportunities.

Some of the best techniques, the best ideas, the best solutions come from outside your silo.

If you’re not looking outside, you’ll never find them.

What I’ve Learned From Training Multiple Arts

I started with aikido in 1985. Moved to hapkido from ‘87 to 2007. Explored kali, tai chi, wing chun. Now I’m diving deep into Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.

And every art has taught me something the others didn’t.

• Aikido taught me flow and redirection
• Hapkido taught me joint locks and kicks
• Kali taught me weapons and angles
• Tai chi taught me structure and relaxation
• Wing chun taught me centerline and economy of motion
• BJJ is teaching me ground control and patience

None of them are complete. But together, they make me more complete.

The guys who only train one art? They’re good at that art. But they struggle when the situation doesn’t fit their framework.

The guys who train multiple arts? They adapt. They flow. They find solutions.

Because they’ve learned to think from multiple perspectives.

The Framework: How to Escape Your Silo

Here’s how you do it:

Step 1: Identify your silo.

What’s your default perspective? What’s the framework you always use? What’s the community you always listen to?

That’s your silo.

Step 2: Seek out opposing perspectives.

Not to argue with them. Not to prove them wrong.

To understand them.

Read books by people you disagree with. Train with people who use different techniques. Listen to people who see the world differently.

Ask: What can I learn from this perspective?

Step 3: Practice arguing the other side.

Like the debate team. Take a position you disagree with and argue it as convincingly as you can.

This forces you to see the logic, the values, the reasoning behind it.

You don’t have to agree. But you have to understand.

Step 4: Look for the gaps in your own thinking.

Every time you encounter a perspective that challenges yours, ask: What am I missing? What blind spot does this expose?

Not “Why are they wrong?” But “What can I learn from this?”

Step 5: Integrate what’s useful.

You don’t have to adopt every perspective. You don’t have to agree with everyone.

But when you find something useful—a technique, an idea, a framework—integrate it.

Make it your own. Add it to your toolkit.

Step 6: Test it under pressure.

The real test isn’t whether something sounds good in theory. It’s whether it works under pressure.

Spar with it. Apply it. See if it holds up.

If it does, keep it. If it doesn’t, discard it.

But you’ll never know unless you test it.

What This Looks Like in Practice

Here’s a real example from BJJ:

I come from a striking background. Hapkido is heavy on kicks, punches, joint locks.

When I started BJJ, I had to let go of a lot of that. Because on the ground, striking doesn’t work the same way.

But I didn’t discard it entirely.

I integrated what was useful. The sensitivity from joint locks. The awareness of distance and angles. The ability to stay calm under pressure.

And I learned new things. Ground control. Leverage. Patience.

Now I’m better than I would’ve been if I’d only trained one or the other.

Because I didn’t stay in my silo.

The Danger of “We Don’t Teach That Here”

The junior black belt who got upset because his opponent used a technique “we don’t teach in our school” made a critical error.

He assumed that what we teach is all there is.

That our style is complete. That our approach is the only valid one.

But no style is complete. No approach covers everything.

And if you refuse to learn from outside your silo, you’ll get blindsided. Over and over.

Not just on the mat. But in business. In relationships. In life.

The Sign of Intelligence

Again there’s that quote:

One sign of intelligence is the ability to hold conflicting opinions simultaneously.

Not to believe both. But to understand both.

To see the logic in capitalism and socialism. In tradition and innovation. In discipline and flexibility.

To recognize that most things aren’t binary. They’re spectrums.

And the more perspectives you can hold, the more nuanced your thinking becomes.

The more effective your leadership becomes.

The Challenge

Here’s what I want you to do this week:

Identify one perspective you disagree with.

Maybe it’s a political position. Maybe it’s a business philosophy. Maybe it’s a martial arts style.

Then spend time trying to understand it.

Read a book by someone who holds that perspective. Watch a video. Have a conversation with someone who believes it.

Not to argue. To understand.

Ask: What’s the logic behind this? What values does it reflect? What problem is it trying to solve?

Then ask: What can I learn from this? What blind spot does this expose in my own thinking?

You don’t have to agree. But you have to understand.

That’s how you escape your silo.

The Truth About Leadership

Good leaders think for themselves. They don’t just follow the crowd.

Great leaders think like others. They understand multiple perspectives.

They can argue both sides of an argument. They can see the strengths and weaknesses in every approach.

They don’t stay in their silo. They learn from everyone.

Even people they disagree with. Even people who use techniques “we don’t teach in our school.”

Because those are the people who expose the openings in their thinking.

And better to discover those openings in the safety of learning than out in the real world where the stakes are higher.

So get out of your silo. Train with people who think differently. Learn from people who challenge you.

Not to prove them wrong. But to make yourself better.

That’s what great leaders do.

What silo are you ready to escape?