The Four Words That Make You a Better Leader: “I Made a Mistake”

​Ego is the enemy. Humility is the advantage. And admitting you’re wrong is the fastest way to earn respect.

In 1995, when Grandmaster Han first put me in front of a kids’ class as an instructor, I was both humbled and overwhelmed.

I’d never been in front of a class before—unless you count all those times my grade school teachers made an example out of me before telling me to sit in the corner at the front of the classroom.

I had no idea what I was doing.

And like most novice instructors, I made the classic mistake: I thought I needed to know it all. I thought I needed to be the “my way or the highway” teacher. The one with all the answers. The one who was always right.

I was wrong.

When I took on the role, I made a commitment to myself:

I’d do it for at least three years before I considered quitting or continuing.

I knew the first year I was going to suck.

The second year I might find my footing.

And by the third year, I’d know enough to know if I had what it took to continue or move on.

That’s pretty much how it worked out.

I stopped after three and a half years in 1999. Not because I wasn’t good at it—I was. But because I wanted to give the junior instructors the same opportunity I’d had to develop their teaching chops.

But the biggest lesson I learned during those years wasn’t about teaching martial arts.

It was about leadership. About humility. About the power of four simple words:

“I made a mistake.”

The Mistake Most Leaders Make

Here’s what happens when you become a leader—whether you’re teaching a martial arts class, running a construction crew, managing a team, or raising kids:

You think you need to have all the answers.

You think admitting you’re wrong will undermine your authority. That if you don’t know something or if you make a mistake, people will lose respect for you.

So you double down. You defend. You deflect. You make excuses.

And in the process, you destroy the one thing that actually creates respect: trust.

Because here’s the truth:

They can see when you’re wrong. They can tell when you’re making it up. They can feel when you’re being defensive.

And every time you refuse to admit a mistake, you lose a little more credibility.

What I Learned Teaching Kids

One of the biggest lessons I learned as an instructor—first with kids, then later with adults (who are basically just bigger kids)—was this:

My ability to not know, to own up to making mistakes, and to find solutions was more valuable than pretending to be perfect.

​Hapkido is a multi-varied art, especially with the joint locks, throws and combination or jumping kicks.

What works for one body type doesn’t work for another. What works for a strong, athletic twenty-year-old doesn’t work for a sixty-year-old with bad knees.

Thinking there was one “right” way to do things was not only naive and foolish—it was doing a disservice to my students.

So I started experimenting. I started asking questions. I started admitting when something I taught didn’t work for a particular student.

And then I’d go back and say, “I made a mistake.”

I’d show them what I’d learned since. I’d demonstrate a different approach. I’d ask if it worked better for them.

And you know what happened?

I didn’t lose respect.

I gained it.

Because I was humble enough to admit that just because I was the one in front of the class didn’t mean I wasn’t still learning.

Whether the student was a six-year-old kid or a thirty-five-year-old business executive, the response was the same:

They respected me more, not less.

Why “I Made a Mistake” Is So Powerful

Here’s what happens when you say “I made a mistake”:

1. You build trust.

Trust is built on honesty. When you admit you’re wrong, you show that you’re not trying to protect your ego. You’re trying to find the truth.

And people trust leaders who care more about the truth than about being right.

2. You create psychological safety.

After autonomy and respect, an emotionally safe working environment is the second most important factor for employees and team members.

People will even take a pay cut for those two things.

When you admit mistakes, you signal that it’s safe to make mistakes. That mistakes are part of learning. That people won’t be punished for being honest.

That creates an environment where people can take risks, innovate, and grow.

3. You model the behavior you want to see.

If you never admit mistakes, your team will never admit mistakes. They’ll hide problems. They’ll cover up errors. They’ll blame others.

But if you model humility and accountability, your team will do the same.

4. You free yourself from the past.

Too often we get so attached to what we said, did, or thought that we don’t give ourselves the grace to realize:

We did the best we could with where we were and the information and wisdom we had at that time.

But that doesn’t mean we’re anchored to the past. We can let go. We can move on. We can move forward.

Admitting a mistake is how you free yourself to grow.

5. You earn respect.

People don’t respect leaders who are perfect. They respect leaders who are honest.

Admitting a mistake doesn’t make you weak. It makes you credible.

The Cost of Not Admitting Mistakes

Here’s what happens when you refuse to admit mistakes:

1. You lose credibility.

Your team knows you’re wrong. And when you refuse to admit it, they lose trust in your judgment.

If you can’t admit when you’re wrong, how can they trust you when you say you’re right?

2. You create a culture of fear.

If the leader can’t admit mistakes, no one else can either. So people hide problems. They cover up errors. They blame others.

And small problems become big disasters.

3. You stop learning.

If you can’t admit you’re wrong, you can’t learn. You stay stuck in old patterns. You repeat the same mistakes.

Your growth stops the moment your ego takes over.

4. You damage relationships.

Whether it’s with your team, your partner, your kids, or your friends—refusing to admit mistakes damages relationships.

Because people don’t want to be around someone who’s always right. They want to be around someone who’s real.

5. You make worse decisions.

When you’re more committed to being right than to finding the truth, you make decisions based on ego, not reality.

And decisions based on ego are almost always bad decisions.

Ego Is the Enemy

There’s a reason Ryan Holiday wrote a whole book called Ego Is the Enemy.​

Because it is.

Ego tells you that admitting a mistake makes you weak. That changing your mind makes you inconsistent. That saying “I don’t know” undermines your authority.

Ego is a liar.

The truth is the opposite:

• Admitting a mistake makes you strong.
• Saying “I don’t know” makes you credible.
• Changing your mind when you learn new information makes you wise.

Ego is what holds you back. Humility is what moves you forward.

The Framework: How to Admit Mistakes Effectively

Here’s how you do it:

Step 1: Recognize the mistake quickly.

Don’t wait. Don’t hope no one notices. Don’t try to cover it up.

The longer you wait, the worse it gets.

Step 2: Say it clearly and directly.

“I made a mistake.”

Not “Mistakes were made.” Not “In hindsight, maybe we could have done things differently.”

Own it. Clearly. Directly.

Step 3: Explain what you learned.

“Here’s what I know now that I didn’t know then.”

This shows that you’re not just admitting the mistake—you’re learning from it.

It turns the mistake into growth.

Step 4: Offer a solution.

“Here’s what I’m going to do differently going forward.”

This shows that you’re taking responsibility for fixing the problem, not just acknowledging it.

It turns accountability into action.

Step 5: Follow through.

This is critical. If you say you’re going to do something differently, you have to actually do it.

If you don’t follow through, “I made a mistake” becomes just another empty phrase.

What This Looked Like on the Mat

Here’s a real example:

I taught a technique to a student—a joint lock that worked great for me. But it wasn’t working for him. He kept struggling with it.

At first, I thought he just wasn’t doing it right. So I corrected his form. Adjusted his grip. Told him to practice more.

But it still wasn’t working.

Finally, I realized:

The technique worked for me because I was imagined the joint lock as water flowing over and down a cliff to become a waterfall. But he was doing the technique mechanically, physically and so he wasn't "following through."

I’d been teaching him the wrong approach for his mindset.

So I went back to him and said, “I made a mistake. I was teaching you the technique mechanically, but it’s not enough. Let me show you a different way, picture this as you do the technique, 'water flowing to a cliff and falling over and down...'”

I demonstrated what I was describing. And he tried it on his partner. It worked.

And you know what he said?

“Thank you for that. I thought I was just doing it wrong.”

That moment—that admission—built more trust than a hundred perfect techniques ever could.

What This Looks Like in Leadership

I’ve seen the same thing play out in construction, in business, in relationships.

• The foreman who admits he misread the plans and adjusts the approach? His crew respects him.
• The manager who admits she made a bad hire and takes responsibility for fixing it? Her team trusts her.
• The parent who admits they overreacted and apologizes to their kid? Their relationship gets stronger.

Admitting mistakes doesn’t weaken your leadership. It strengthens it.

The Difference Between Apology and Accountability

Here’s an important distinction:

An apology is about feelings. Accountability is about actions.

“I’m sorry” is an apology. It acknowledges that you hurt someone or caused a problem.

“I made a mistake, here’s what I learned, and here’s what I’m going to do differently” is accountability.

Both have their place. But accountability is what builds trust and drives change.

Don’t just apologize. Take responsibility and fix it.

Why This Matters More Than Ever

We live in a world where everyone is trying to look perfect. Where social media rewards the appearance of success and punishes vulnerability.

But that’s not reality. And it’s not leadership.

Real leadership is messy. It’s admitting when you’re wrong. It’s learning in public. It’s being honest about your limitations.

And the leaders who do that—who have the humility to say “I made a mistake”—are the ones people actually want to follow.

The Challenge

Here’s what I want you to do this week:

Think about a mistake you’ve made recently that you haven’t admitted.

Maybe it’s with your team. Maybe it’s with your partner. Maybe it’s with your kids.

Then say the four words: “I made a mistake.”

Explain what you learned. Offer a solution. Follow through.

And notice what happens.

Notice how people respond. Notice how it feels to let go of the need to be right.

Notice how much lighter you feel when you stop carrying the weight of defending a mistake.

The Truth About Leadership

Leadership isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being honest.

It’s about caring more about the truth than about your ego.

It’s about creating an environment where people feel safe to take risks, make mistakes, and learn.

And it starts with four simple words: “I made a mistake.”

Those four words will boost your credibility more than any claim of perfection ever could.

They’ll build trust. They’ll create psychological safety. They’ll model the behavior you want to see.

And they’ll free you from the prison of always needing to be right.

Ego is the enemy. Humility is the advantage.

And admitting you’re wrong is the fastest way to earn respect.

So the next time you make a mistake—and you will—don’t hide it. Don’t defend it. Don’t deflect it.

Just say it: “I made a mistake.”

Then learn from it. Fix it. Move forward.

That’s what real leaders do.

What mistake are you ready to admit today?