The Four Stages: From Athlete to Sage

The Wake-Up Call I Wish I'd Had Sooner

The purple belt stared at me as we sat on one of the benches, his eyes locked on mine.

"So what's next?" he asked.

He had just been promoted after four years of consistent training. Four years of showing up, grinding it out, surviving the valleys, and celebrating the peaks.

But his question wasn't about jiu-jitsu. It was about life.

"What do you mean?" I asked, though I knew exactly what he was asking.

"I've been chasing this purple belt for years. Now I have it. But I don't feel different. I thought I would, but I don't."

I nodded, remembering that moment from my own journey. The hollow victory. The "is this it?" feeling that follows achievement without growth.

"That's because you've been focused on getting a belt instead of becoming the man who wears it," I told him. "The color around your waist doesn't change who you are. Only you can do that."

His eyes widened slightly. I could see it hit home.

Many of us live like this. We chase the next rank, the next job title, the next paycheck, the next relationship—thinking that when we "get there," everything will finally make sense.

But it never does. Because we're pursuing the wrong target.

We're trying to do more instead of become more.

And there's a world of difference between the two.

The Trap of Endless Doing

I was 34 when I first understood what was missing.

It was the late '90s. I had earned my black belt, but instead of feeling accomplished, I felt the crushing weight of expectations—both others' and my own.

Working construction, leading crews, and teaching martial arts, I was the guy people looked to for answers. But inside, I was scrambling, surviving, not thriving.

Then I found Deng Ming-Dao's book, The Scholar Warrior.

In Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), he explained, a man reaches his peak between 35-45. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually—everything aligns in that decade. That's when he becomes complete.

Reading that was like someone turning on the lights in a dark room.

If my 30s and early 40s were my peak, then I wasn't supposed to be grinding myself to dust during these years. I was supposed to be preparing, aligning, and becoming.

So I made a radical choice.

I scaled back. I stopped taking overtime. I quit the side jobs. I stopped pouring all my energy into work just to come home too tired to think, train, or grow.

This wasn't laziness. It was strategy.

I needed bandwidth.

I needed space to study, to reflect, to train deliberately, and to become the kind of man who could move into the next phase of life—not just as someone who punches a clock, but as a leader. And one day, a sage.

Most men never get this.

They're too busy trying to survive their peak years to actually own them.

They miss their window—and then spend decades wondering why they feel stuck, angry, and unfulfilled.

The Pyramid of Becoming: Maslow Meets the Warrior's Path

You've probably heard of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.​

It's that triangle you learned about in Psychology 101. At the bottom, you've got your basic survival needs—food, water, shelter. Then safety, then love and belonging, then esteem. And at the top, self-actualization—becoming your full potential.

What most people miss about Maslow's pyramid is that it's not just a nice theory. It's how human growth actually works. You can't build the top while the bottom is crumbling.

The ancient warrior traditions understood this too. They knew that a man evolves through distinct stages, and each stage builds on the one before it. Skip a stage, and the whole structure becomes unstable.

I call this the Pyramid of Becoming.

And like Maslow's hierarchy, you can't rush it. You can't skip levels. You have to build from the ground up.

Let me break it down for you.

Stage 1: The Athlete – Master Your Body (Physical Needs)

At the base of Maslow's pyramid are our physical needs. In the warrior tradition, this corresponds to the Athlete stage.

Picture the new white belt who just stepped on the mat. Eager but uncoordinated. Enthusiastic but easily winded.

This is where every journey begins.

Before you can master others, before you can master concepts, you must first master your own body.

I see guys at the gym all the time who want to learn advanced techniques, but they can't hold a plank for 30 seconds.

They want to lead a team, but they can't drag themselves out of bed before noon.

They want respect, but they don't respect their own temple.

You know the type. Maybe you've been that guy. I know I have.

When I first started training, I wanted to skip past the boring fundamentals. I thought I was special—that I could jump ahead. But my first sensei had other ideas.

"You want to learn the fancy stuff?" he asked after I complained about drilling basic forms for the hundredth time. "First learn to stand properly. First learn to breathe. First learn to move your own body with intention."

I thought he was just being difficult. Years later, I realized he was teaching me the most important lesson: everything begins with the physical.

If you don't have energy, if your body is weak, if your habits are chaotic—nothing else works right.

This is why so many men get stuck. They're trying to build relationships, careers, and purpose while their physical foundation is crumbling.

They eat garbage, sleep poorly, and never move with intention. Then they wonder why they can't focus, why they're always angry, why their lives feel out of control.

When I work with new clients, we start here. Not with philosophy. Not with advanced techniques. With the basics. Sleep. Nutrition. Movement. Breath.

Because when you master your body, you earn the right to move up the pyramid.

Stage 2: The Warrior – Master Your Will (Safety and Security)

The second level of Maslow's hierarchy is about safety and security. In our warrior's path, this is where you become not just an athlete, but a true warrior.

The Warrior stage isn't about fighting others. It's about mastering your own will.

I remember when I first made this transition. I had spent years developing my physical abilities—I was strong, I had endurance, I knew the techniques. But when true pressure came, I'd still crack.

In sparring, I'd panic and forget everything. In difficult conversations, I'd either explode or shut down. In challenging situations, I'd look for the easy way out.

Being physically capable wasn't enough. I needed to develop my will.

This is where you learn to face fear without flinching. Where you do hard things not because they're easy, but because they're necessary. Where you set boundaries that others respect because you respect them first.

The problem is, many men get stuck in Warrior mode.

They turn everything into a battle. Every conversation becomes a contest. Every relationship becomes a power struggle.

I know a guy like this at the gym. Great athlete. Technically skilled. But he rolls like every session is the world championships. He turns friendly training into life-or-death combat. He's always in fighting mode—and it's exhausting for everyone, including him.

The true warrior knows when to fight and, more importantly, when not to.

I learned this lesson the hard way. In my early 30s, I treated every disagreement at work like a hill worth dying on. Every slight like a declaration of war. It was exhausting. And counterproductive.

One day, an older foreman pulled me aside. "You're burning twice the energy to get half the results," he told me. "Learn to pick your battles."

That's when I realized: mastering your will isn't about fighting all the time. It's about having the clarity to know which battles deserve your energy and which ones don't.

Just like you can't reach Stage 2 without Stage 1, you can't evolve further up the pyramid if you're stuck in constant battle mode.

Stage 3: The Leader – Master Your Influence (Love, Belonging, and Esteem)

The middle of Maslow's pyramid addresses our social needs—connection, belonging, and recognition. In the warrior tradition, this is the Leader stage.

When you've mastered your body and your will, something changes in how the world sees you.

You become a force of nature.

People watch you. They ask for your guidance. They look to you for direction.

You don't just act—you inspire others to act.

But leadership isn't about bossing people around or having all the answers.

It's about owning your impact on others.

I learned this when I became a foreman for the first time. I thought leading meant telling everyone what to do. Making all the decisions. Being the toughest guy on site.

I was wrong. And my crew let me know it through their halfhearted efforts and behind-the-back comments.

True leadership comes from service, not dominance. From connection, not control.

You lead by how you show up. How you listen. How you decide. How you serve.

And you can't do that if your own life is in chaos.

I know too many men who try to lead before they've done their own work. They try to fix everyone else's problems while ignoring their own. They project confidence while internally they're a mess.

One of my clients was like this. Great guy. Always helping others. Always offering advice. But his own life is falling apart. Failed relationships. Financial troubles. Health issues he won't address.

I told him what my old coach once told me: "You can't give what you don't have."

If you're buried in busy work, trapped in toxic relationships, or drowning in emotional debt—you'll never lead effectively.

Your outside world reflects your inside world, and others can sense the difference between authentic power and desperate posturing.

The Leader has done the work on himself first. He's built systems in his life. He's developed values that keep his ego in check. He's created a community that keeps his heart open.

Only then can he truly lead others.

Stage 4: The Sage – Master Your Being (Self-Actualization)

At the top of Maslow's pyramid is self-actualization—becoming everything you're capable of becoming. In our warrior's path, this is the Sage stage.

This is the final stage. Few men ever reach it.

It's the place of deep peace.

Not because life suddenly becomes easy—but because you finally become enough.

You don't chase validation anymore.

You don't need to prove your worth.

You simply are.

The Sage has integrated all the lessons of the previous stages: the physical mastery of the Athlete, the willpower of the Warrior, the influence of the Leader.

But he's transcended the limitations of each.

He knows when to be firm and when to yield. When to teach and when to learn. When to act and when to observe.

I've only met a handful of men who operate at this level. My old sensei was one. A mentor from my construction days was another.

What struck me about both of them was their calm. Not the fake calm of someone suppressing emotion, but the earned calm of someone who has been through the fire and emerged transformed.

They didn't need to raise their voice to be heard. They didn't need to prove their worth. They had a presence that commanded respect without demanding it.

But here's the thing: you can't reach this stage by accident.

You have to build for it intentionally.

You need a life that supports deep reflection. That honors silence as much as action. That gives you space to see clearly—and to be seen fully.

Most men are too stuck in survival mode to even glimpse this level.

They're drowning in debt, stress, and unresolved trauma.

The Sage doesn't escape life's challenges. He transcends them.

And that only happens when you've done the hard work in the previous stages to earn this peace.

Why Most Men Stay Stuck Between Stages

The journey from Athlete to Warrior to Leader to Sage isn't automatic. It requires intention.

Most men get stuck between stages for one simple reason: they lack the bandwidth to evolve.

Think about a computer trying to run too many programs at once. Everything slows down. The system freezes. Nothing works right.

That's exactly what happens to us when we're maxed out.

When you're working 60 hours a week, dealing with relationship drama, scrolling social media for hours, and sleeping 5 hours a night—where's the space for growth? Where's the energy for evolution?

I see it with guys in the gym all the time.

They rush in 10 minutes late, already stressed from work. Their mind is still on the argument they had with their girlfriend. They're worrying about bills. They're distracted by notifications. They're running on 5 hours of sleep and energy drinks.

Then they wonder why they're not improving after years of "training."

The truth is, they're not really training. They're just physically present while mentally absent.

The same thing happens in every area of life.

You can't evolve if your system is maxed out.

If your bandwidth is shot, you're just surviving.

You're not growing.

It's like trying to build a skyscraper while the foundation is still wet. It doesn't work.

How to Create Bandwidth in Your Life

So how do you create the space to evolve? How do you build bandwidth into your life?

Here's what worked for me, and what I've seen work for hundreds of other men.

First, you need to audit where your energy actually goes. Not where you think it goes—where it actually goes.

For one week, track everything. How much time do you spend on social media? How many hours do you waste in mindless arguments? How much energy goes to people who drain you? How much attention goes to problems you can't solve?

Most guys are shocked when they honestly assess this. They discover they're spending 80% of their energy on things that return 0% growth.

Second, eliminate before you add. Before you try to add new habits, eliminate the ones that drain you.

Cut the toxic relationships. Reduce the media consumption. Minimize the unnecessary commitments. Simplify your environment.

You don't need more techniques, more information, or more obligations.

You need space to absorb and implement what you already know.

Third, build reflection into your life. Growth happens in the space between experiences.

When I was a foreman on billion-dollar construction sites, I had a Sunday ritual.

Before anyone else was awake, I'd sit at my kitchen table with coffee and a notebook.

And I'd ask myself three questions:

• Where am I?
• How did I get here?
• Where do I want to go?

That simple practice changed my life.

It gave me the bandwidth to think—to stop reacting and start responding.

To make choices instead of excuses.

To act like the man I wanted to be, not the man I was afraid I still was.

Most guys don't do this.

They wake up, check their phone, rush to work, chase validation, numb out at night, and repeat.

No reflection. No awareness. No bandwidth.

And then they wonder why they feel stuck. Why they're angry all the time. Why nothing ever feels good enough.

Finally, focus on mastering one stage before moving to the next. You can't skip stages.

You can't be a true Leader if you haven't mastered being a Warrior.

You can't be a Warrior if you haven't mastered being an Athlete.

Each stage builds on the foundation of the one before it, just like each level of Maslow's hierarchy depends on the levels below it.

Focus on mastering where you are now before rushing to the next level.

Putting It On the Mat

Here's what I offer you to do this week.

First, figure out which stage you're currently in.

Are you still working on mastering your physical discipline, energy management, and basic habits? That's the Athlete stage.

Have you developed physical mastery but still struggle with emotional control, boundaries, and choosing the right battles? That's the Warrior stage.

Have you developed willpower but now face challenges in guiding others, building systems, and creating lasting impact? That's the Leader stage.

Are you established as a leader but now seeking deeper meaning, peace, and the ability to transcend rather than just succeed? That's the Sage stage.

Next, create bandwidth for wherever you are.

Block one hour this week—just one—to sit alone. No phone. No music. No distractions. Just you and your thoughts.

Ask yourself: Where am I in my journey right now? What's keeping me from mastering this current stage? What bandwidth do I need to progress? Is it time? Money? Health? Support? Space?

You don't need to fix everything at once.

You just need to see clearly—and commit to creating room to move forward.

Because becoming more isn't about adding to your plate.

It's about removing what no longer serves.

So you can breathe. Rise. Evolve.

That's how the Athlete becomes the Warrior. The Warrior becomes the Leader. And the Leader becomes the Sage.

One intentional choice at a time. One hour of created bandwidth at a time.

See you on the mat.

Are you sicked and tired of being surrounded by losers, lemmings and Luddites?

Then join the Leader's Dojo, where you not only discover how badass you are but you're surrounded by other badass warriors and leaders who will help you to be even better.

​Join now here!​