Leaders Don’t Ask for Permission: Why Self-Reliance is the First Step to Power

The Breakfast Counter

It’s Friday morning, and I’m sitting in one of my favorite breakfast joints.

It’s the kind of place that smells like burnt coffee, bacon grease, and hard work.

There are Otis elevator techs at one table, day laborers in dusty boots at another, and over at the big table in the middle of the place — a couple of general foremen and project managers. You can always tell who they are. It’s in the way they carry themselves. Not loud, not showy. Just steady.

I come here most Fridays. Not for the eggs. Not even for the peace and quiet. But for the people.

I love the vibe. There’s chatter. Jokes. Complaints. Swagger. Plans. It’s blue-collar energy — raw, honest, and unfiltered, and it helps remind me of previous chapters of my life.

And when you really listen, you start to notice patterns.

Most guys? They need agreement. They want backup. They’re checking with each other to see if they’re crazy or if the boss is just being an a**hole.

But every now and then, you see the quiet ones. They sit at the counter. By themselves. They order quick, eat fast, and you can tell — they’ve already planned their day. Probably last night.

They don’t complain. They don’t ask for approval. They don’t need anyone to tell them what to do next.

They just do it.

That’s what self-reliance looks like.

And if you want to be a leader — not a follower, not a sheep, not one of the guys still waiting for a pat on the back — then you’d better learn how to sit alone at that counter.

Because self-reliance isn’t just a mindset.

It’s the gateway to power.

The Truth About Self-Reliance

Self-reliance isn’t about being a lone wolf or cutting yourself off from the world.

It’s about knowing that your life is your responsibility — no one else’s.

Let’s break this down.

1. Most People Need a Crowd

Most people live their lives waiting.

Waiting for someone to tell them what to do.

Waiting for their friends to back them up.

Waiting for a sign, a guru, or a green light.

Why? Because it’s easier.

It’s easier to blame the boss, the system, or the “bad economy” than to say, “I didn’t make the plan. I didn’t show up. I didn’t follow through.”

That’s what the 80% do. And that’s fine — for them.

But you’re not one of them. If you’re still reading this, you want more.

You want to lead.

That means you have to stop waiting.

And start acting.

2. Leaders Don’t Wait — They Decide

The people who lead are the ones who decide.

Even if they’re not 100% sure.

Even if it’s not perfect.

Even if it scares the hell out of them.

They take the shot. And if it fails, they own it. They don’t cry about it. They learn and try again.

Because they know: No one is coming to save them.

No mentor. No boss. No parent. No magic formula.

Leaders are made the moment you realize this is on me.

That moment changes everything.

3. The Difference Between Alone and Lonely

Let’s get something clear: being alone is a superpower.

Most people are terrified of it.

They fill their lives with noise — podcasts, TikToks, group chats, endless scrolling — just to avoid being alone with their thoughts.

But you? You need to practice being alone.

Sit in silence.

Write in a journal.

Plan your week.

Think through your next steps.

Feel your fear. Your anger. Your hunger.

And keep going anyway.

That’s the training ground of every warrior and leader.

You don’t get stronger by hiding in the crowd.

You get stronger by facing the silence and coming out clearer, harder, better.

4. The 80/20 Rule of Leadership

Here’s what I overhear at that breakfast joint every Friday:

80% of the guys are in reaction mode. Complaining. Blaming. Looking around for agreement.

20%? They’re locked in. Intentional. Quiet. Focused.

That’s the real rule of leadership:

80% will follow. 20% will lead.

Your job is to decide: Which one are you?

Because that decision will shape every day from here on out.

If you want to be in the 20%, you’ll need to get used to being misunderstood.

You’ll need to stop explaining yourself to people who don’t get it.

You’ll need to stand in your truth, even when it’s unpopular.

You’ll need to work without applause.

And you’ll need to lead… before anyone follows.

5. Build Systems, Not Excuses

You don’t become self-reliant by reading books or watching motivational reels.

You become self-reliant by building systems that keep you moving — even on the hard days.

• Plan your week on Sunday. Write down what matters. Build in rest, training, and work.
• Review your day each night. Ask: Did I lead or follow? Where did I give away my power?
• Say “no” more often. You don’t owe anyone your time, your energy, or your approval.
• Cut your consumption. 80% of what you’re watching, reading, and listening to is junk. Eliminate it.
• Set hard goals. Not soft wishes. Hard goals with hard deadlines and a personal reason behind them.

Self-reliance is built one choice at a time.

Don’t wait for the mood.

Build the muscle.

6. The Enemy of Self-Reliance Is Fear

Let’s be real: being self-reliant is scary.

You can’t blame anyone.

You can’t pretend you didn’t know.

You can’t shift responsibility.

When you’re self-reliant, everything is your fault — and your win.

But that’s the point.

Fear is the forge.

It burns off the weakness, the excuses, the crowd-pleasing.

And what’s left is someone unshakable.

Someone who can lead — not just others, but themselves.

That’s what the world needs now.

Not more content creators.

Not more “influencers.”

But men who are rooted.

Men who can stand alone.

Men who don’t need permission.

Putting It On the Mat

I finished my breakfast.

Coffee refilled.

Eggs cold.

The guys at the next table are still complaining about how their GF is “trippin,” how the boss is clueless, how they might not even show up today because “what’s the point?”

I look over at the counter.

One guy is sitting there alone.

Worn boots. Forearms like tree trunks. Looks like he’s in his late 40s.

He hasn’t said a word.

He finishes his eggs, checks a folded sheet of paper in his pocket — probably a job list or punch list — downs the last of his coffee, and leaves cash on the counter.

No fuss. No performance. No seeking attention.

He just goes.

That’s the kind of man I want to be around.

That’s the kind of man I want to raise up.

Because here’s the truth:

The world is full of noise.

Everyone’s talking.

Everyone’s looking for likes, for approval, for backup.

But leadership? Real leadership?

It’s quiet.

It’s personal.

It’s earned.

You earn it in those moments when no one’s watching. When no one’s clapping. When no one’s there to guide you.

You earn it by doing the thing anyway.

That’s what it means to Put It On the Mat.

You want to be a warrior?

A leader?

A badass?

Start here:

• Go somewhere alone.
• Bring a journal.
• Ask yourself: Where am I giving away my power?
• Ask: Where am I waiting for permission?
• Then make one decision — just one — that puts you in control today.

It doesn’t have to be big.

But it has to be yours.

That’s how it starts.

You get strong alone.

Then you build a tribe.

Then you lead the ones who are ready.

But first?

You sit at the counter.

And you eat your damn eggs.

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