The Danger of Thinking You Know

You Don’t Know What You Don’t Know

...and that should scare you into becoming someone worth knowing.

When I was twenty years old, I thought I knew everything.

Not in a cocky, arrogant kind of way—at least not intentionally. I was just a kid from Honolulu. My world was the island.

My reality was shaped by beaches, concrete, aunties, and “uncles” who weren’t really your uncles. Everyone looked like me. Everyone talked like me. Everyone thought they knew what life was about.

Then I moved to Los Angeles, I still remember my first apartment.​

If Honolulu was a fishpond, L.A. was the Pacific Ocean.

It wasn’t just bigger—it was deeper, louder, faster, and far more complex.

Suddenly, I was face-to-face with cultures, opinions, systems, and people that made me feel small.

And the funny thing was—I resisted it at first.

Because small minds don’t like being made to feel smaller.

But the real shift didn’t happen until I met Amy, my now-wife.

She dragged me—sometimes willingly, sometimes not—around the world. Cairo. Zurich. Istanbul. Seoul. Barcelona. Fiji.

With every place, every person, and every uncomfortable conversation, my little mental world cracked wider open.

And I realized something terrifying:

I didn’t know sh!t.

Worse—there was a lot of sh!t I didn’t even know I didn’t know.

That’s when I started to pay attention.

And I developed a model that’s helped me explain it to other young men who feel the same struggle I did—trying to act like they know but deep down fearing they’re lost.

I call it The Sphere of Knowing.

Let’s talk about it.

The Sphere of Knowing and Not-Knowing

The Dunning-Kruger Effect and the Curse of Early Confidence

There’s a funny phenomenon in psychology called the Dunning-Kruger effect.​

In short:

• People with low ability tend to overestimate their competence.
• People with high ability tend to underestimate theirs.

If you’ve ever been around a loud guy at a bar explaining politics like he was a senator—or a white belt in jiu-jitsu who goes all-out like a world champion—you’ve witnessed the first half.

What’s wild is that it’s not malicious. It’s human.

We think: “I’ve seen a YouTube video. I’ve done it once. I get it.”

But mastery, wisdom, and true leadership don’t look like loud bravado.

They look like a quiet black belt moving slow. Or a seasoned foreman watching a whole job site before making one comment.

So how do you teach that to a young man who thinks he’s already smart?

You show him the sphere.

The Mental Model: The Sphere of Knowing

Imagine your total knowledge—everything you know, believe, and have experienced—is a sphere.

The inside of the sphere is what you know.
The surface is what you know you don’t know.​
And the outside—which touches everything—is the infinite unknown: what you don’t know that you don’t know.

Now here’s the kicker:

As the sphere grows, the surface area also grows.

The more you learn, the more aware you become of just how much you don’t know.

Think about it mathematically for a second.

The surface area of a sphere increases with the square of the radius.

This is why small-minded people are so certain.
Their little bubble doesn’t rub up against much.
They don’t even know how much they’re missing.

That was me.
And if you’re honest, it might be you too.

How This Model Applies to Life

1. Relationships - When your sphere is small, every disagreement feels like a personal attack. When it grows, you start realizing, “Maybe I’m missing context.” You ask better questions. You listen more. You pause instead of react.

2. Career and Business - When you don’t know what you don’t know, you take dumb risks or avoid all risk. With a larger sphere, you understand frameworks, systems, and the importance of who over how. You get mentors. You build networks. You learn from failure instead of collapsing under it.

3. Leadership and Influence - The loudest guy in the room isn’t the leader. The guy who says, “I don’t know, but let’s find out,” gets the most respect. Leadership is built on the humility of understanding the unknown—and the courage to move forward anyway.

4. Martial Arts and Mastery - As a BJJ novice white belt, I thought surviving a roll meant I was getting better. As a blue belt, I'm realizing survival isn’t progress—it is just step one.

Now? I see the black belts go slow, feel everything, and move only when they need to.

Their spheres are huge.
They aren’t afraid to say, “Let’s explore.”

The Most Dangerous Phase:
When You Grow Just Enough to Get Cocky

The scariest part of the Dunning-Kruger curve isn’t when you know nothing.

It’s when you’ve learned just enough to think you’ve got it.

• You can hold a basic conversation.
• You’ve done a few sales.
• You’ve dated a few women.
• You’ve read a few books.

This is when the ego inflates.
It’s when a guy goes from “helpful rookie” to “annoying know-it-all.”
And the only cure is experience, humility, and challenge.

It's when electrical apprentices on the job knew enough to hurt themselves, i.e. working things "hot" but rushing and not putting all the safety protocols in place.

That's how they get fried, I should know, I did it enough times.

You need to get your ass kicked.​
Literally or figuratively.
Because that’s how you grow your sphere.

So What Do You Do?

1. Admit your ignorance daily. Start with the assumption: “I’m missing something here.” Not because you’re dumb—but because the world is big.
2. Seek out people smarter than you. Find your +, your mentor, your black belt. Ask dumb questions. Pay attention.
3. Do hard things you’re bad at. This is how you feel the edge of your sphere. Physical training, public speaking, cold approaches, business building—whatever scares you, do that.
4. Travel physically and mentally. Go to new places. Talk to new people. Read foreign ideas. Expand your world by expanding your experience.
5. Journal your realizations. Write down what you thought you knew. And what turned out to be wrong.

Putting It On the Mat

I remember sitting at a sidewalk restaurant in Palma de Mallorca, Cafe C'an Toni.

Amy and I had been walking all day—up hills, through alleys, in and out of museums and side markets.

She was chatting with the waitress in broken Spanish, and I just sat there… soaking it all in.

Watching life happen around me.

Something hit me in that moment.
A quiet little whisper:

Not in a defeated way. Not in a “give up” kind of way.
​But in an inspiring kind of way.

Because that meant there was always more to explore.
More to learn. More to experience. More to become.

That day, I wasn’t trying to be right.
I wasn’t trying to know-it-all.
I was just being present—one man in a big world, grateful to keep growing my sphere.

And that, my brother, is what I want for you.

If you’re in your 20s or 30s, trying to figure it all out—
stop pretending you’ve got it all figured out.

That’s not strength.
That’s fear wearing a tough guy mask.

Strength is saying:

• “I don’t know.”
• “Can you teach me?”
• “What am I missing?”

Strength is curiosity married to courage.

Here’s your challenge this week:

1. Pick one area of life where you’re acting like a know-it-all. Call yourself out. Be honest.
2. Find someone ahead of you. Ask them what you don’t see.
3. Try something new that makes you feel like a beginner. Feel the edges of your sphere.

And then?

Write it down.​
Journal the moment. Capture the insight.
And thank the universe for not making you the center of it.

Because you, my friend, are not supposed to know it all.
You’re supposed to grow into someone who never stops learning.

That’s the path of the warrior.
That’s the way of the leader.
That’s the making of a badass.

Keep expanding.
And I’ll see you on the mat.

—Chuck

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