The Comparison Trap: Why Getting Good Is Easier Than You Think

Most people aren't competing with you—they're competing with their couch.

I've said this before and I will say it again,

One thing I've learned teaching on the mat and in construction, things need to be repeated over and over again to be taken in and learned.

Sunday open mat. First full week of January.

I'll be honest—it was a rough week. Only four sessions on the mat in December because of holidays, colds, and life. I was rusty. My cardio took a hit.

Open mat's always a mixed bag. Some guys bring their gi. Some show up in rash guards. If you don't train with someone regularly, it's easy to forget where they are in their journey.

I'm rolling with this guy—bigger, stronger, younger. No gi, just a rash guard.

At first, I'm moving around him pretty easily. His attacks aren't landing. He's got the size and the strength, but not the skill.

Then I remember him from a fundamentals class a few months ago. He's a relatively new white belt.

And that's when it clicks.

I could submit this guy if I wanted to.

But that's not the point.

At least not for me at this stage of my training, I'm working on being comfortable when bigger stronger guys are pressuring me.

I want to know that when I do start working on my attacks and if they miss and I end up in a bad position, I won't worry about it because I've been in the bad positions 100s, if not 1000s of times.

So instead of attacking him, I help him with his attacks. I show him how to use his size to pressure me. How to take my back. How to set up a rear naked choke.

I let him work. I give him feedback. I make him better.

And that's when something hit me about getting good at anything...

What's Really Happening

You're comparing yourself to the wrong people.

You scroll Instagram and see the highlight reel. The black belts. The success stories. The people at the finish line.

And you think: "I'll never get there."

So you don't start. Or you start and quit when it gets hard.

Here's what you're missing:

Those people started exactly where you are.

They were white belts. They were beginners. They sucked at it too.

The only difference? They kept showing up.

The Social Media Lie

​Social media is designed to make you feel behind.​

It shows you everyone's best day and asks you to compare it to your worst. It shows you the finish line and hides the decade of work it took to get there.

It's toxic by design.

You see the black belt hitting smooth submissions and forget he spent two years getting choked out by everyone in the gym.

You see the successful business owner and forget she spent five years grinding in obscurity before anyone noticed.

You see the shredded fitness influencer and forget he's been training for ten years and posts one photo out of every hundred he takes.

You're comparing your behind-the-scenes to everyone else's highlight reel.

And it's killing your momentum before you even start.

The Invisible Majority

Here's what nobody tells you about getting good at anything:

The bar is lower than you think.

Not because excellence is cheap. Because most people quit before they ever get started.

They show up once. Maybe twice. They scroll through social media, see someone ten years ahead of them, and decide they'll never catch up.

So they don't try.

And that's your advantage.

You don't need to be a black belt to stand out. You don't need to be the best in the room. You just need to show up consistently while everyone else is making excuses.

The gap between "trying" and "doing" is massive. The gap between "doing" and "doing well" is smaller than you think.

The Real Cost of Comparison

Let's talk compound interest.

Every day you spend comparing yourself to people ten years ahead is a day you're not making progress.

Every time you quit because you're not as good as someone who's been doing it longer, you're guaranteeing you'll never catch up.

Time is the only resource you can't replace.

The person you're comparing yourself to started five years ago. Ten years ago. Twenty years ago.

If you quit now, in five years you'll be comparing yourself to the next person who started today and didn't quit.

The Hidden Tax of Waiting

Here's the part most people miss:

The longer you wait to start, the worse the comparison gets.

The black belt you're comparing yourself to isn't standing still. He's getting better. Every day you wait is another day further behind.

But here's the good news:

Most people aren't moving at all.

They're stuck. They're dabbling. They're distracted. They're scrolling.

If you just show up and do the work, you're already ahead of 80% of people who thought about starting but never did.

The Compound Effect of Just Showing Up

Every session you show up is compounding.

Not just in skill. In identity.

You become the person who shows up. The person who follows through. The person who doesn't quit when it gets hard.

That identity is worth more than the technique.

Because the technique will come if you keep showing up. But if you quit, none of it matters.

Three sessions a week for six months is 78 sessions.

The person comparing themselves to black belts on Instagram? They did zero.

You're not competing with them anymore.

Effort vs. Excellence: The Line That Matters

Here's the line most people don't see:

Consistency vs. intensity.

Intensity is what people post on social media. The big lifts. The perfect technique. The breakthrough moment.

Consistency is what happens when nobody's watching. The boring reps. The unglamorous drilling. The showing up even when you don't feel like it.

Intensity gets attention. Consistency builds skill.

You don't need to train like a world champion. You need to train like someone who's still going to be here in five years.

Most people burn out trying to match the intensity of someone who's been doing this for a decade.

You don't need to do that.

You just need to outlast them.

The White Belt Advantage

Here's what most people don't understand:

The early gains are the fastest.

A white belt who shows up three times a week for six months will see massive improvement.

A black belt who shows up three times a week for six months will see incremental refinement.

You're in the high-growth phase.

Every session teaches you something new. Every rep builds a foundation you didn't have before.

The black belt is optimizing. You're building.

Don't compare your building phase to someone else's optimization phase.

​Sensei Literally Means "Born Before"​

Not teacher. Not master. Born before.

The black belt you're comparing yourself to? He was exactly where you are. Just years ago.

He started before you did. He stuck with it longer.

That's the only difference.

He's not smarter. He's not more talented. He just didn't quit.

And if you don't quit, you'll be where he is. It's just a matter of time.

But only if you stop comparing and start doing.

The Invisible Majority Playbook

Here's how you get better without burning out or quitting:

Step 1: Pick One Thing and Show Up Consistently

Not three things. Not five things. One.

Whatever it is—BJJ, writing, sales, leadership—commit to showing up regularly.

Three times a week. Every week. For six months.

Pressure test: Did you miss more than one session this month? If yes, you're not consistent yet. You're still dabbling.

Step 2: Compare Yourself to Last Month, Not to Black Belts

Track your progress against your past self, not against someone who's been doing this for a decade.

Can you do something today you couldn't do last month? That's progress.

Are you less gassed after a hard round? That's progress.

Did you solve a problem faster this week than last week? That's progress.

Pressure test: Can you name three specific things you're better at now than you were 90 days ago? If not, you're not measuring.

Step 3: Learn from the Black Belts, Don't Compare to Them

Black belts aren't your competition. They're your curriculum.

Watch what they do. Ask questions. Study their principles.

But don't measure your Day 90 against their Day 3,000.

Pressure test: Can you identify one principle a black belt uses that you can apply at your level? If not, you're watching, not learning.

Step 4: Embrace the Suck Phase

Everyone sucks at the beginning. Everyone.

The black belt you're comparing yourself to spent years getting smashed. He just did it before you showed up.

The suck phase is the price of admission.

If you're not willing to be bad at something before you're good at it, you'll never be good at anything.

On the mat, there's no faking it. You either know the technique or you get tapped. You either have the cardio or you gas out.

The mat doesn't lie.

And that's a gift. Because it shows you exactly where you are and exactly what you need to work on.

Pressure test: Are you okay being the worst person in the room? If not, you're not ready to grow.

Step 5: Build Your Foundation Before You Branch Out

Don't try to learn advanced techniques when you can't do the basics under pressure.

Master the fundamentals. Drill them until they're automatic. Then add complexity.

In martial arts, they say: "A black belt is just a white belt who never quit."

But really? A black belt is a white belt who drilled the fundamentals ten thousand times until they became instinct.

Pressure test: Can you execute the basics when you're tired, under pressure, and someone's actively resisting? If not, you're not ready for the advanced stuff.

Step 6: Train with People Better Than You

If you're always the best person in the room, you're in the wrong room.

Get comfortable being the nail instead of the hammer. Get comfortable losing. Get comfortable asking for help.

That's where growth happens.

I get tapped all the time. By people bigger than me. By people younger than me. By people who've been training longer.

And every time, I do my best to learn something.

Pressure test: Are you regularly training with people who push you past your comfort zone? If not, you're coasting.

Step 7: Help the People Behind You

Once you've learned something, teach it to someone who's still struggling.

Teaching forces clarity. It exposes gaps. It proves you understand the principle, not just the technique.

And it keeps you humble.

That white belt I was rolling with? He didn't know how much further ahead I was. He just knew he was trying.

And in six months—if he keeps showing up—he'll be the one helping the next new white belt.

That's how this works.

Pressure test: Can you help a beginner improve at something you struggled with six months ago? If not, you haven't internalized it yet.

The Principle That Transfers Everywhere

BJJ teaches you leverage, angles, momentum, and applied force.

It teaches you that a smaller skilled person can handle a bigger unskilled person.

But here's the key:

That doesn't just apply on the mat.

It applies everywhere.

Don't be equal to the competition. Be better. Be sharper. Be more skilled.

And the way you do that is by showing up when they quit.

In business? The bigger company with more resources wins—unless you're more skilled.

In leadership? The person with more authority wins—unless you've built more trust.

In life? The person with more advantages wins—unless you've developed more discipline.

Never be equal.

The Excuses I Hear (And Why They're Wrong)

"I'm too far behind to catch up."

You're not behind. You're at the start. Everyone who's ahead of you was there too. They just kept going.

"The people I'm competing with have been doing this for years."

Good. That means the path is proven. Learn from them. Don't compare to them. Not yet.

"I don't have time to train as much as they do."

You don't need to. You need to train consistently enough that in five years, you're dangerous. Most people won't still be here in five years.

"I'm not naturally talented like they are."

Neither were they. They just stuck around long enough to get good. Talent is overrated. Consistency is underrated.

"I keep comparing myself and feeling behind."

Then stop scrolling. Stop watching highlight reels. Start tracking your own progress.

You're not competing with the black belt. You're competing with the version of you from last week.

Put It on the Mat: Your 72-Hour Challenge

Here's your challenge:

Pick one skill you've been avoiding because you're "too far behind."

Now commit to 30 days of showing up.

No comparing. No scrolling. No watching black belts and deciding you'll never get there.

Just show up. Do the reps. Track your progress against last week.

At the end of 30 days, ask yourself:

"Am I better than I was on Day 1?"

If the answer is yes, you've already won.

Because most people never make it to Day 30.

And the ones who do? They're not competing with you anymore. They're too busy getting better.

The Standard That Separates the 1%

The best people I've trained with—on the mat, on the job site, in business—weren't the most naturally talented.

They were the ones who showed up.

They didn't compare themselves to black belts. They learned from them.

They didn't quit when it got hard. They kept grinding.

They didn't need to be the best. They just needed to outlast everyone who quit.

You can do the same.

But only if you're willing to stop comparing and start competing—with the person you were yesterday.

Hit reply and tell me:

What's the one thing you've been avoiding because you think you're too far behind?

Let's put it on the line.

— Chuck